What is this relationship?

Do you mean names? I'm an adoptive mom and hope you don't mind me chiming in. My daughter (13) recently decided to open her adoption with her birthmom. I will say that her at first her birthmom was SO afraid of saying the wrong thing. She pointed out something we have in common and I said, "What other kid can say that both of their moms have __________". It eased the tension because we both are her mom. Just in different ways. It is something that will evolve, these relationships. All relationships do. Hang in there.

What is the relationship between the bparent and the adoptee after reunion?

I think I am having a hard time understanding what it is. Maybe the confusion comes from trying to fit it in a box and be able to define it from the familiar? I think it depends on the day. It goes back to not having an instruction manual on how to do this thing called "reunion". I think for different people it means different things. It can't fit into a neat box and that is what makes it so hard (especially to people like me that like - and crave - order and logic :D). So, for today, the relationship is: [LIST] [*]Crazy [*]Scary [*]Wonderful [*]A friendship [*]An understanding [*]Maddening [*]A hole that has been filled [*]Exhausting [*]Life-changing [*]Frustrating beyond belief [*]Hopeful I am not looking to replace my dad who raised me, but the fact that someone is out there in this world that is 1/2 of me fascinates the crap out of me. I see myself in my bdad and that's what makes it hard to walk away - I want to know more about myself through him. But, I am not looking to plop myself into his life like I have always been there. He can't have that; he hasn't "earned" that right. But, I do want him to be a part of my life...I want to be able to know myself better and through knowing him I think I might...[/LIST]

The relationship for me is that of mother and son.

I reunited face-to-face with my son 22 years ago...and I would say that our present relationship is that of mother and son. He made it clear early on in our reunion that he considered me one of two mothers and that's how he liked it. Works for us....

She is my other mom, which is how I refer to her and so does my mom. I have two moms... and I can say that I love about them both.

I love this: "Other mother". :D :D

Your responses were beautiful. Kind of warmed me up inside. My clarity may sound random but what I did get is I need to be able to trust. It takes a lot of trust to move forward in a situation that you don't understand.

We adoptees often don't understand it either. I also operate under the "two Moms" philosophy. If you would have asked me pre-reunion, I would have said no way. Once things started, there was no other choice and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hi there, Am so sorry I didn't get back to you after we Pm'd last month - life got critically busy here, I have a friend who is very sick and it's been taking up a great deal of my emotional energy and "thinking time" .In answer to your question, I have to say it is a relationship like nothing else I have experienced.... But then again, I have no other children.I think even if I had children... It would still stand apart as an extraordinary Mother/son relationship. He is very much my son - yet he'd probably say that I am not quite his Mother - yet, he would probably say I am more his mother than he can express....confused? :-)We look at each other - and we know we belong.

That's about the best way I could say it too. I can even say it about all of my moms and dads. Thanks for that one NinaDear :flower: I like that!

I really wish our adoptive mom (I'm a birthmother) had this view....good for you. So refreshing to hear this.