Just Starting

March 13, 2012

Hello out there. I am just starting to try to find out some things about adoption and it's very difficult to get information without getting involved with an agency. I do not want to get heavily involved with an agency right now because we are planning to start the adoption process about a year from now, but I still would like one or two questions answered. First of all, we would like to adopt a child 2 or under, newborn is fine, and we do not feel that we would be good at knowing how to support another culture (we already have three other children) and want Caucasian adoption. It seems that we will be looking at infant adoptions as Caucasian toddlers are rare (but I would like to know where to look). My main question is: if we go to an agency where birth mothers and families are matched ahead of birth and the birth mother changes her mind, is the potential adopter always just out of luck regarding fees and has to start paying all over again. I don't know whether I've seen to much TV, but it seems that with a private adoption of infant many thousands of dollars are always at risk. Anybody know?

ARoseByAnyName

March 17, 2012

I'm not in IL, but I can answer in general terms. I think it's good that you've thought about what your family can handle in terms of age and ethnicity of a child. You can certainly adopt a Caucasian newborn. I think a child older than that would most likely be through foster care, but I don't have experience there.

As for the at-risk fees, it really depends on the agency. Some do charge fees "at match", likely before babe is born, and then if the mother decides not to place babe, the agency will "roll over" your fees to another adoption attempt. This may lock you down financially to that agency, but your money is not necessarily lost unless you never adopt through that agency. Some agencies refund your fees. Some don't charge a penny (other than homestudy) until your babe is placed with you.

Another thing expense-wise is that any money you pay that goes to the expectant mom (living expenses, some folks call it "birthmom expenses"), you will likely NOT recoup. It is up to you to determine if you are willing to pay for any of these expenses, and many states have limits on what is legal. But most, if not all, states also deem that any money you give to expectant parents (even if given through the agency) is a charitable gift to the parents. They don't have to pay you back, and I don't know any agencies who will pay you back money that they gave the eparents on your behalf. But again, there are agencies out there that don't ask you as the prospective adoptive parent to pay any living expenses.

Unfortunately, you kinda have to talk to the agencies to figure out their individual policies. But the good news is that there are some agencies where your money would not be at risk!

Also, know that you don't have to "get involved" with an agency to get information. Some have info packets they will mail to you. Most will answer your questions if you call and say you're interested in pursuing adoption in the future and want to know more about their policies, etc.

I hope this is helpful! Oh, and a couple terminology tips... No one is a "birthmom" until she's given birth and signed the termination of her parental rights. Until that time, she's an expectant mom (emom) or just a mom. :-) Also, "adopters" has a negative connotation in some circles. When you're waiting to adopt, you're a prospective adoptive parent (PAP), and once you've adopted you're an adoptive parent (AP) or just a parent. :-)