My birth father just found me

I just wanted to add that while we haven't had official conformation from the State of NY, this is a match. All the info matches and them some. In addition I totally look like my father and every member of his family. It's uncanny. My birthmom knows its a match, but she was forced into the adoption by her parents and she is still in shock over all of this. She has called me and is emailing. She is just not open arms about this yet. My bf on the other hand is so wonderful. He was looking for me just like I was looking for him. We talk several times a day and he wants to make me his legal child even though I'm 44 lol.

Good for you. It sounds as though things have opened up. Enjoy your reunion.

Patience is key. . . . You stated three things that stood out to me: 1) The reunion is less than one week old, 2) your b-mom is still in shock, and 3) she is "slowly coming around." It's hard not to fret during the reunion process. There are so many unknowns. However, your reunion is very, very new. Her shocked reaction is absolutely natural, yet you say that she is coming around. I do have to disagree with you on one thing, though. As it has only been a week, she is coming around quickly. : ) I know you specifically asked for advice from people who have had a great reunion with one parent and a not-so-great reunion with another. I'm just in the beginning of my journey, so I don't have any words of advice to offer you. However, right now, it seems that your reunion with both parents is going well. Remember: your b-dad looked for you, so he was ready for the journey. Your b-mom is still dealing with the shock of it all. I'm so excited for you!

Hoping all goes well for you :cheer:

Congratulations on your reunion!!! It is a true rollercoaster of emotions, no matter how great it is. There are very high highs, and lots of unknowns. But it is truly life-changing. Both my birthparents were marvelous - open, caring, considerate. But it was very hard for my birthmother. She said (a year later) that although she knew this was the best thing ever and she should be thrilled, that it really truly hurt. It opened up emotions that she had buried for over 50 years and she became that 17 year old again, scared, alone, and shamed. Give her time. As my bdad and I say, she paid a very high price and was much more damaged than either of us. Read as much as you can about what bmom's say here, read "the girls that went away" (it will break your heart), and give her time. I promise you it is worth it. Good luck and enjoy!!!!

jrainbow, Did your mother ever pull back from the reunion because of the pain she felt, or did she maintain contact while dealing with her pain?

I can relate to feeling less anxiety about interacting with my birthmother and father after my adopted mother died. It was less guilt provoking somehow. Sadly the reunion did not progress into a close relationship but a relationship nonetheless. I have met other extended family members and my two brothers so I can't complain. All in all it was a roller coaster in the beginning with emotions like scenery rushing by.

Hi my name is Sharon from UK I traced and met my biological mother 20 years ago now and can honestly say there was no connection there whatsoever she has since passed away and I feel sad that we didnt connect it is a long storey and if you would like to know more just drop me an email. I then met my biological father twenty years ago also and went and stayed with him for three weeks over in the States. The reunion at that time was ok but due to soo many family dyanamics again it did not really work and I didnt see him again for 20 years omg since then, we met again for the second time we have been intouch every single day and try and spend as much time together as we can its so sad that we let soo many years slip by but due to many things going on in our lives at the time it didnt really stand a chance. I am so glad we have reconnected again I absolutely adore him he is now 82 years old so we are making the most of the time we have.

L4R, There was never any "official" pull back. There were times during the 1st year that I felt like I was pushing too hard but she never said stop. After my first birthday together she confessed that it was really too hard - and she couldn't deal with it any more. We were in "pre pull back". She thought she would really hurt me if she told me that but she just couldn't fake it anymore. I had spent that whole year reading these forums, talking with birth mothers on line, asking questions, reading books about reunion. I wanted to be prepared for anything she was going thru. I told her - Thank goodness she was normal. That most of the bmoms had told me that they felt like that but she had always acted like it didn't bother her. From that point on, she was just honest when she was hurting and, of course, since she was being honest with herself and with me - it mostly went away. Good luck on your journey. Jill

jrainbow, Thank you!

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