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I am over thirty and my mother and first father were never married. My first father did not want the responsibilities of being a parent and wanted my mother to have an abortion, but my mother decided against that and decided she would raise me herself. She remarried and I was adopted by my step father. My mother was never supportive of my contacting my first father and it was only recently that I obtained his full name from her to contact him. While looking for his contact information, I discovered he was a pastor. I contacted him via email and got a response from a person he knew who stated that he could not speak with me yet. Time went by. So, I decided to contact him again via email. I got a response in which he stated he didn't want his privacy invaded nor was he giving me anything but medical information. I am angered, hurt and stunned. I didn't expect a response like this. Especially being aware of the image he promotes. I feel he is fearful of being "outed" for having a daughter he didn't raise. If he isn't interested, then so be it, but I do want contact with my siblings. How should I handle my father? How long should I wait to contact my siblings? Any other input?
vegas136
I am over thirty and my mother and first father were never married. My first father did not want the responsibilities of being a parent and wanted my mother to have an abortion, but my mother decided against that and decided she would raise me herself. She remarried and I was adopted by my step father. My mother was never supportive of my contacting my first father and it was only recently that I obtained his full name from her to contact him. While looking for his contact information, I discovered he was a pastor. I contacted him via email and got a response from a person he knew who stated that he could not speak with me yet. Time went by. So, I decided to contact him again via email. I got a response in which he stated he didn't want his privacy invaded nor was he giving me anything but medical information. I am angered, hurt and stunned. I didn't expect a response like this. Especially being aware of the image he promotes. I feel he is fearful of being "outed" for having a daughter he didn't raise. If he isn't interested, then so be it, but I do want contact with my siblings. How should I handle my father? How long should I wait to contact my siblings? Any other input?
My .02 is that there very well may be a part of him that feels he cannot acknowledge his past, particularly in light of his present. You mentioned "the image he promotes" and I suggest to you that it is just that...an image. People are sometimes different from what they appear to be.
Were I in your position I would take the medical and any other information you can get from your birth father and move along to looking up your siblings. As long as both you and your siblings have reached the age of majority then I don't see any reason you shouldn't reach out to them and let them make their own decisions of if and how to proceed.
I'm sorry the response you received from your birth father isn't what you were hoping for, and it sounds as if he chose an insensitive way to convey hurtful news. Hopefully others will chime in with their thoughts as well.
Best,
PADJ
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