Conflicting Information???

it looks like children with more minor needs, especially girls, are appearing on the shared list less and less. lately there is also some talk about children's medical files being completely off. sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst. so you have to be ready for some or many unknowns. i'm kind of confused right now about what is happening....but it seems like the SN program in China is changing or slowing down. i haven't seen the shared list in a few months....so i am going off only what i have heard on other forums.....but the rumblings definitely point to the days of young minor needs girls slowing down majorly, if not stopping altogether. it sounds like the children being released to the list are few, more boys, and more major needs. my best advice is to really research what it is you are able to support. you may surprise yourself by figuring out that some of the more significant needs may seem manageable to you. our first baby was born early and addicted to drugs from US foster care. he didn't sleep. he had eating issues. he had sleep apnea. he had several other health problems. he had many tests and surgeries. at one point a doctor told us he may not live as his brother had passed shortly before he was born and they had the same issues. we were young and poor and newly married and worked full-time. today he is 8 and mine and i thank my lucky stars that we were stupid enough to say yes to a situation we were so not ready for. lol. we figured out how to handle things as they came up and we are so in love with that kid we can not imagine our lives without him.

Thank you for your response. It is a frustrating situation that is for sure! Before we got really serious about this, I would spend a lot of time browsing blogs and was so encouraged by the health of the adopted girls that are now 8,9,10. Of course I learn now how drastically things have changed. It seems every avenue we explore is blocked-Vietnam closed-Korea can't specify girl-China health. I guess our timing is off. I am left to pray that with a lot of patience and and a little luck we can still have the family we dream of.

You have been given some faulty information. 1. You do NOT need to use an agency in your state, unless you want to adopt from Korea. Korea is the only country in the world that requires Americans to work with an agency in their state that the Korean government has accredited. And even then, if you are open to special needs, you can usually work with certain agencies outside your state. Most people adopting from countries other than Korea pick the agency that suits them best and that works with the country that interests them. These agencies are permitted to place with a family including at least one U.S. citizen parent, living anywhere in the U.S. or overseas (though not all agencies choose to work with Americans living overseas), as long as the prospective parents have a homestudy by a provider in their state who is authorized to do them. Nowadays, many agencies work very well with out-of-state families. They use email, phone, fax, and mail very competently, and may also hold on-line chats, have Internet bulletin boards and chats, etc. They can be as responsive as, or even more responsive than, agencies in a parent's state. 2. Korea does not require you to accept either gender. Some, but not all, American agencies do, simply because so many Americans want girls, and so few Americans want boys, that: a) long wait times for girls develop, and b) too many boys linger for a long time in orphanages, without anyone adopting them. If an agency indicates that gender choice is not permitted, see if there are any exceptions. As an example, if you have two boys and no girls at home, the agency might be willing to place a girl with you to balance your family. Or if you already have a girl, and have only a two-bedroom house, the agency might be willing to place a girl with you, so that you won't have to put children of opposite genders in the same bedroom. If you are open to some special needs, you might well be able to request a girl. 3. The definition of minor special needs is very subjective. Some people might look at a child who is missing a hand and think, "Wow, that's a serious special need." In fact, others might not think so, because such a child wouldn't need any medical or surgical treatment, and probably wouldn't incur many unusual health related expenses unless she decided that she wanted a prosthesis. The child could do almost anything a child with two hands can do, and would have few educational or social challenges. As a result, when an agency is talking about minor special needs, you really need to get very specific about what issues seem minor to you. As an example, perhaps you would not consider a Hepatitis B chronic carrier. But in fact, plenty of families adopt children who are Hepatitis B chronic carriers, and find it no big deal, aside from getting everyone in the home immunized. In many cases, these kids seroconvert (become negative) without treatment. Other kids may need a visit to a pediatric gastroenterologist annually to monitor their condition, and some instruction about how to avoid infecting others, and nothing else. A relatively small group of kids may need treatments with antiviral drugs that are somewhat expensive. And only a very few kids will actually develop liver disease that shortens their lives or causes other problems. There is often no way to predict which group a child will be in, but if you have good medical insurance that will pay for antivirals and regular visits to a specialist, you should not find any of these adoptions too difficult. Some parents wouldn't dream of adopting a child with heart problems. But what often happens in China is that a child's heart problem is surgically corrected while he/she lives there. By the time you meet him/her, the child is healthy, and needs only an occasional monitoring by a doctor to be sure that all is well. And even if the child's problem isn't corrected, parents who have decent insurance can often have the surgery done in the U.S., and there may be no further issues, ever. Yes, an occasional child may have a more complex problem than the doctors there could understand or deal with, but even most of these problems are correctable. Some parents think cleft palates are minor special needs. In fact, they really aren't. The child may need several surgeries, lots and lots of dental work, speech therapy, and more. It can get very expensive for families without good insurance, and a parent may find himself/herself unable to keep a job while attending to her child's needs. Nowadays, it is highly unlikely that a child will be on any country's special needs list for something very minor, like a large birthmark that can be made less visible with lasers or makeup. And parents should be aware that some things that appear totally minor or correctable initially may actually be part of larger syndromes that the foreign doctors don't expect. If you do not want to adopt a child with known special needs or risks, then you may want to broaden the list of countries you will consider. And even then, there are no guarantees that your child won't have previously undiagnosed medical issues. As an example, it is beginning to be recognized that some Korean kids adopted through the healthy infant program turn out to to have Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FASD). FASD implies, quite simply, that a birthmother drank alcohol during pregnancy and that her child might be at risk of brain damage, ranging from minimal to huge, depending on how much the birthmother drank and when in pregnancy she drank. In Korea, the diagnosis of FASD is not recognized. However, where it's available, doctors will give prospective parents information on whether the birthmother drank alcohol, used drugs, or smoked during pregnancy. But some birthparents are not truthful about these things, and other birthparents, especially those who don't deliver in hospitals, may not be findable when a doctor comes to collect this information. At its very worst, a child with FASD can turn out to be mentally retarded, behaviorally volatile (the conduct may result in violations of the law), and unable to live on his/her own as an adult. In more minor cases, a child with FASD can have some learning disabilities, especially in areas like quantitative reasoning, can have difficulty understanding the consequences of his/her actions, and so on. And some kids with FASD are almost indistinguishable from children whose mothers lived totally healthy lives, which did not involve drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. All in all, you have to recognize that adoption requires a huge leap of faith. But then again, so does pregnancy. If you were pregnant, you'd do everything possible to avoid harm to your body. You'd avoid not only the big bad things, like alcohol, but also the little ones, like coffee. You'd do pregnancy exercises. You'd play pleasant music to soothe yourself and the baby. You'd get regular medical care and take prenatal vitamins. And, after nine months, you could still wind up with a child who has mental retardation or cerebral palsy, or who has inherited your grandmother's schizophrenia. International adoption is statistically riskier than pregnancy, to be sure. But do remember that the vast majority of internationally adopted children turn out very well -- perhaps even better than their adoptive parents expected. If every internationally adopted kid had some scary disease or turned into a violent psychopath, Americans wouldn't be adopting from countries overseas, as they clearly are. Good luck to you in your efforts to pursue adoption. Sharon

Sharon, you never cease to amaze me with breath, quality and acuracy of your responses. You are just amazing.

Sharon-thank you so much for taking the time to respond and providing so much information. I completely agree that becoming a parent no matter how you do it is a huge leap of faith. Regardless of the outcome a child is a blessing and I realize that. A great deal of my time has been spent the last few weeks researching the various medical conditions possible, and feel much more confident with the decisions we have made. Thank you again. I am so glad I found this forum and have been very impressed by the quick and helpful response I have received. I am excited to be a part of this community and look forward to more interactions!

We adopted our child back in 2005. We requested for a healthy child. At first what we thought was a healthy child until we ran into problems in preschool. We were not informed that during our homestudy that any potential medical problems may exist. Be prepared to have a child that may have Autism/Autism Spectrum Disorder. It will not be detected until they are about 2 years old. Once diagnosed, be prepared to deal with it long term as there is no cure. Our lives were turned upside down and we had to come to terms with it. It takes a lot of work to help your child to deal with social skills that most kids are able have naturally. I just want to say that most people who adopt from China may or may not have a child with psychological problems or even be diagnosed but most don't mention it that because they are too busy to deal with their family problems. Good Luck and hopefully this will not deter you from adopting but something to keep in mind.

I appreciate your response. I believe building a family whether you choose to do it biologically or through adoption, there is ALWAYS a risk of autism or other behavioral/psychological disorders that may arise. We have already come to grips with the idea that we have to choose which health issues we will take on in order to adopt from China. There is some inherent risk we must be willing to accept. In fact the sad fact is it doesn't seem the possibility of adopting a "healthy" child nearly anywhere in Asia is possible at this time without a lengthy wait. I must just trust that the child meant for us is out there and take a leap of faith...much like I would if I were to become pregnant. I wish you the best in the continuing care of your child.

just wanted to pipe in, my son, adopted from China at 17 months of age, is very healthy, smart and just a pure joy to us. He just happens to have been born with a cleft lip and palate. Healthy as a horse though! I think there is a big difference between a child who is sick (physically) and a child who may have a physical issue such as a limb difference, cleft lip/palate, albinism, etc. All of the second group of children are healthy! They just look a little different :)