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Hi all. I am new to this sort of forum but so grateful that there is something like this out there. I am 34yrs old, married with 2 gorgoeous daughters. I have always known that I was adopted but until recently had no insight into the details.
Two months ago my biological birth mother found me and I have since met her. I do not regret meeting her at all. Knowing what time I was born, how much I weighed and a little around my heritage brought a sense of stability and understanding that is very hard to explain to non-adoptees.
During our conversation she gave me my biological father's name and I have since conducted my own research and found out where he is including a telephone number and email address. I live in South Africa and he is based in the U.S.
I cannot bury this need to make contact with him. I have tried to push it out my mind and forget it but this feeling keeps getting stronger. Reaching out to him is becoming more important but it is incredibly scary. He was working here in Africa, originally from North america but when he found out that I was to be born he denied I was his. He apparently fled back to the States to his fiancee. Although my research does not show any other details other than his position of stature in the finance / mining industries, I have a feeling he is married - or atleast was - and may have 2 children (sons I think). For these reasons I have been holding back in writing him a letter - calling him would be out of the question as I would not have a clue to say. I do not want to upset his life. I only want closure, which I'll obtain knowing if he is indeed my biological dad.
Has anyone out there been in a similar position and can offer me much sought after counsel????
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McCamp
Hi all. I am new to this sort of forum but so grateful that there is something like this out there. I am 34yrs old, married with 2 gorgoeous daughters. I have always known that I was adopted but until recently had no insight into the details.
Two months ago my biological birth mother found me and I have since met her. I do not regret meeting her at all. Knowing what time I was born, how much I weighed and a little around my heritage brought a sense of stability and understanding that is very hard to explain to non-adoptees.
During our conversation she gave me my biological father's name and I have since conducted my own research and found out where he is including a telephone number and email address. I live in South Africa and he is based in the U.S.
I cannot bury this need to make contact with him. I have tried to push it out my mind and forget it but this feeling keeps getting stronger. Reaching out to him is becoming more important but it is incredibly scary. He was working here in Africa, originally from North america but when he found out that I was to be born he denied I was his. He apparently fled back to the States to his fiancee. Although my research does not show any other details other than his position of stature in the finance / mining industries, I have a feeling he is married - or atleast was - and may have 2 children (sons I think). For these reasons I have been holding back in writing him a letter - calling him would be out of the question as I would not have a clue to say. I do not want to upset his life. I only want closure, which I'll obtain knowing if he is indeed my biological dad.
Has anyone out there been in a similar position and can offer me much sought after counsel????
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BabyMason
Curiosity overcame my fears. Sometimes the stories arent true and you have to get them from the horses mouth not someone else. My bdad was ready for me to contact him and he was ready to tell his story. Give it a chance for yourself. A phone call cant hurt. My call went something like "hi, this may sound weird but i was born (birthday) to (bmom name) and I think you may be my father" he then said "yes I am your father" and the rest is history.
A phone call is pretty safe if he doesnt want anything to do with it at least it gives you closure. Good luck.
gmarie21
This is very good advice. My bdad's story and my bmom's story are different and the initial reunion story is as well (bmom told bdad I didn't want anything to do with meeting him because of his behavior at the time she was pregnant with me - which was not true nor was what she stated about him true).
BabyMason
yea my bmom was surprised and mad that my bdad told me the whole truth down to the details. thats when i also learned that my bmom lies a lot.
My birthmom also handed me my birthdad's name shortly after I found her. I never asked at that point.
I did reach out to him and first made contact over the phone. He never denied me- although he initially stated that he did wonder if there were other purported fathers. He always thought that my mother retained custody (she actually told him that when she confronted him 18 yrs later when she was moving from the state) but she also never knew that he tried to contact her at home (she was sent away to a maternity home) but her father kept telling him she wanted nothing to do with him. After I was born and she was home- he called and she answered but she cursed him out because she never knew about the previous calls. I don't know what he would have done as he never reached out to her after that last phone call after my birth to offer $ support since he thought she raised me.
I met him once- showed up at his restaurant and asked to compliment the chef since he was cooking that day and he knew it was me right away. I honestly didn't like him much- he said he was glad that I didn't look like my mom and that I was raised italian like him. But he also didn't seem to want a relationship. That was 19 yrs ago and I still go back and forth in contacting him again or contacting my now adult siblings as I know where my half brother is.
I also have an adopted friend who was rejected by his birthmom but found his dad with whom he has a great relationship. My husband is also adopted and found both his birthmom and his birthdad- he's got great relationships with both sides.
Keep an open mind. After decades both stories may have developed into a way to make the other look worse or themselves look better. I didn't care personally- my focus was my mom who I felt emotionally bonded to throughout my entire life. My father would have been the icing on the cake- but I'm ok without it.
Best of luck and just prepare yourself for the worst so you don't expect too much.
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leight
My birthmom also handed me my birthdad's name shortly after I found her. I never asked at that point.
I did reach out to him and first made contact over the phone. He never denied me- although he initially stated that he did wonder if there were other purported fathers. He always thought that my mother retained custody (she actually told him that when she confronted him 18 yrs later when she was moving from the state) but she also never knew that he tried to contact her at home (she was sent away to a maternity home) but her father kept telling him she wanted nothing to do with him. After I was born and she was home- he called and she answered but she cursed him out because she never knew about the previous calls. I don't know what he would have done as he never reached out to her after that last phone call after my birth to offer $ support since he thought she raised me.
I met him once- showed up at his restaurant and asked to compliment the chef since he was cooking that day and he knew it was me right away. I honestly didn't like him much- he said he was glad that I didn't look like my mom and that I was raised italian like him. But he also didn't seem to want a relationship. That was 19 yrs ago and I still go back and forth in contacting him again or contacting my now adult siblings as I know where my half brother is.
I also have an adopted friend who was rejected by his birthmom but found his dad with whom he has a great relationship. My husband is also adopted and found both his birthmom and his birthdad- he's got great relationships with both sides.
Keep an open mind. After decades both stories may have developed into a way to make the other look worse or themselves look better. I didn't care personally- my focus was my mom who I felt emotionally bonded to throughout my entire life. My father would have been the icing on the cake- but I'm ok without it.
Best of luck and just prepare yourself for the worst so you don't expect too much.