how old were you

Teddy, I can't tell you how sad I feel for you. I know this doesn't make it better, but at the time of your adoption, people thought secrecy was best. Research now shows it wasn't, but that was the time then. I live in a small Alabama town and some people still think this way. I say keep pushing. Explaing to the "key person" that this means everything to you. I would also seek a counselor. The aqueaky wheel gets the oil, right? God bless in your journey.

I urge you to go back to the doc and tell him it is important for you to know your story.Be prepared to hear the worst if it comes up, but at least you know.I was a closed adoption in a different era. There is no paper trail. I can't search.At least as devastating as all this may be, there is a possibility that you know your beginnings. If the doc should die, the beginnings will be lost and at some point you may regret not having gotten all you could.I wish you the best.

It is an absolute disgrace that this was kept from you for so long. How did you find out? That is not clear from your posting. It is your RIGHT to know who your birth parents are - that is the least that your adopted family can do for you after keeping it secret for so long. Good luck!

Teddy, SO sorry to hear what all you are going through. SO very tough to find out something that major so late in the game. I would re-talk to the DR., and let him know that you will not be letting that go. And if there is really some family resemblance, maybe start looking at cousins, aunts, Nieces that were anywhere from 14 to 20 around that time, because it was not super unusual to see daughters giving birth and moms raising the baby as Birthmom's "sibling", so you may not have gone to far from your original birth family and your family will still be "Your family". Good luck,not only with the adoption issues, but with everything else you are trying to handle. It sounds like a lot on your plate.

You don't understand. That Dr. is my dad's brother. He is the closest thing I have now to family. My dad died in 98. My mom came down with leukemia 2 years later. 3 of her only sisters died within a 5 year time span. I am not going to pressure my dear uncle to tell information he doesn't want to. He has dyer health problems himself. The REAL Dr. that supposedly delivered me died back in the 70's. My mother has alzheimers and cannot remember much. And I am not going to blame my dad and mom from keeping it from me. As far as my point of view goes? They did the right thing. It is just a shame the secret didn't stay with her. I told her I was glad she and dad did it the way they did. I know if I were told at a younger age.......I could not have handled it. I think it would have sent me spiraling off into oblivion. (I was always an overly sensitive person). Right now.....I know nothing in me has changed. I am still me. But I am in shock still. I feel a complete emptyness inside. It is difficult to explain. My adopted brother was a bad kid. Got into trouble all the time. He was/is a bad seed. I saw what it did to mom and dad. And I vowed to myself to be the exact opposite. I tried to always make them proud. But I don't understand! Why did all the bad stuff happen to me? Is there no justice in God's eyes? I never lied before....never stole....never started trouble of any kind. All the good decisions I made in life went bad. My family is all but died. I have never had close friends. I always wanted them and sought them out...but was never accepted. I was never able to have children as my wife could not either. And I could not adopt as my wife is a religious fanatic. I have no one (zero) persons I can talk to. No one to call on the phone and talk about my problems. I have always been on the outside.....looking in and wishing so much that life could be different. But now I have to learn.....that I was adopted? I can't begin to think........what could happen to Mike that would make his life more miserable? Oh yeah! Let him find out he is adopted! My poor mother was talking about the one time closeness of our family. And that is when I said "I am glad I'm not adopted" (famous last words). And she said Wellllllllll..... And that is when I asked directly. Sheeeeesh. You know? I never cried before except when my dad died. Now I cry almost every day. It seems the disappointment of my life has finally confronted me.

It was never a secret that I was adopted. I don't think I ever had a moment of discovery. My mom always said that I didn't grow under her heart but in it. And she said that i was a gift from God.

I found out when I was 14. My dad had died a week or so prior and I went-a-snooping. My Mom and dad were always such secretive people and and I'm nosy :prop: I was going through my dad's file cabinet, and found this odd court document, the finalization decree....ruined my day :mad: At that point I was all that was left of that unit, no siblings, aunts, uncles or mom to ask. It sucked, but what you going to do.

Yesterday, as I was searching for mom's birth certificate, I came across my adoption papers. I am 51 years old, and taking care of my 91 year old parents - both of whom have different types of dementia. Always have I been so incredibly proud of my family's history and background, etc. Now I find out I've been lied to for 51 years, and my brother was sworn to secrecy, which he's kept for 51 years. Thankfully, he's allowing me the room I need to process all of my feelings. I've known for less than 24 hours. I have information on my birth mother. I know nothing of my birth father. Every emotion has flown through my body already, and truly, I don't know where to begin to start processing this information.

I was 7 when I was told the adoption secret.It was a devastating, gut wrenching feeling.In a single conversation I lost my security, my bonding, and any family worth.It was like being cast adrift with no bonds.Simply being put a board a ship with unknown people knowing there are no family ties. Where you will go, or what will happen is unknown to you. You are an "outsider" and "different" from others.It was the beginning of the grief and loss experiences.I wish you the best.

Mutinywxgirl! Your brief story is almost the same as mine written previously. I feel exactly the same....and more. You need to first contact the county courthouse, in the county where you were adopted. Likely they can accurately direct you to what you need to do next.

Actually, mine was a "family" adoption, and I've already gotten a ton of information from cousins who "suspected" my adoption, but never had proof until I told them I found the papers. We believe my birth mother is still in the same city as my one cousin, who was friends with her sister many years ago. No, I have not yet determined if I will make contact, but, my gut says I will. My best friend has told me that I've had one family for the first half of my life; I'll have a 2nd family for the 2nd half of my life. The person I am most infuriated at is my adopted father. I ABHOR lies, and this explains it all. My counselor and I will begin meeting soon, and I'm bringing in a few trusted friends to surround me right now. I've always been the strong and powerful and independent woman; now, I'm the lost and shattered child. I NEED my friends to be close. Tomorrow will be a week since finding out. I've been so busy with caretaking that I've really not been able to "process" too much, because I've either been working or sleeping. Now that things are getting back to normal, I'll have the time to start thinking. I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Friends of mine have, for 20+ yrs, told me to write a book about my life. NOW I believe I will have something to say. I'm glad I found these forums; guaranteed I'll be venting here - a lot! BTW - please call me Lisa. :) I've gone by this screenname since 1998.

I need friends also. Unfortunately, I have not been able to make any good friends in 50 years of life. Family mostly dead and no friends. What the hell happened to me? I have always dreamed of being the opposite in which I turned out.

Are you involved with any church? Are you involved with any type of social media? You've got to reach out. It's always been very easy for me to make friends; people naturally like me - at first. But, I'm VERY careful as to who I let into my inner circle. There are only two who know EVERYTHING about my life. They are two of the first three I called when finding out. They are both female. The other is a very trust male friend. I would be lost without these people. He is only 2 miles away; the ladies are all long distance. It doesn't matter; we talk. You've got to find someone to talk to. These forums are a good place to start. Some of my best and most trusted friends come from another set of forums. Wish I could give you some insights into how to make friends, but, alas, I cannot. Each of us is different in how we go about making friends and keeping them.

I am trying to find someone to talk to. I did not involve my church directly. I did not want wagging tongues in the congregation. (and don't think that clergy and staff don't gossip for one minute) (been there done with that). I contacted a small church near the home where I grew up. Seems like the minister is never there! Even when I called at an agreed ime, he was absent. However the secretary was nice to talk to. She also said that her husband is studying to be a councilor for the church. I thought, Perfect! I gave email instead of phone number. (you must remember my wife's fanatacism is part of my problems, and I don't want her to pick up the call). But I have waited 3 days and no one has corresponded with me. I guess my bad luck is still holding out! I am going to call them again today.....find out what happened. I can't wait for the excuses to come.

I called the church......talked to the secretary...... Got 3 lame excuses..... Excuse 1: "I just did not get around to emailing you yet". (thank God I was not suicidal, or that might be a sticky problem). Excuse 2: "The minister does not have time". Hmmmmm? The minister seems absent most of the time in a total congregation of less than 100 people and statistics show only 1/3 of your average congregation is active in most given churches). Excuse 3: "The minister only councils church members". Why didn't she just offer this excuse in the first place? It definately trumps the first 2! I felt it necessary to remind the secretary to remind the minister that his church is a "community" church. (says so right in the church title). And also to remind him that "we are all God's children". But I guess he feels some are more in need than others. Cases like this.....it is no wonder I do not feel any comfort in Church anymore. Is there nowhere in a given community that one can go to personally talk about ones problems, without hinderances?