How to get past the fear!!

i have not been in your place. it must be very, very difficult. please know that i am not being flippant. my family has definite issues of OCD--some more than others. sometimes it takes a little pharmaceutical assistance to let go of the obsessions that creep in. sometimes a little talk therapy will work. sometimes a sheer act of will and a lot of prayer do the trick. but like i said, i have never been in your shoes. i would suppose that it will take time at the very least. this trauma is fairly recent. any time a child is seriously ill, your mind gets focused on that alone. now she just had another medical crisis. it's got to be triggering for you! i would say to give yourself time. be kind to yourself--your mama instincts have been on red alert for too long and for good reason. of course you're worried! talk about it. i've found that when you have a big something happen that taking it out into the daylight and looking at it tends to put it back to it's correct importance in your day to day life. it's still going to be a big issue, but it doesn't have to control your thoughts. and please, if that and prayer aren't enough, talk to your family doctor. there are short term medications that can help. you deserve so much more than worrying without end.

I have been there. One of the most effective ways to get past the fear was to have nursing care. I would think she would be entitled to it because of her level of functioning anyway. I also found it helped to have the supplies for emergencies around. I did much better knowing I had a nebulizer that would open her lungs up long enough to get to the hospital, tylonol and motrin on board and knew the real max dose. I also found a good high level urgent care. This one can do IV's and CT scans and stop a heart attack. We took way too many trips there, usually to be told it was nothing. But just going there made me feel better. So my advice would be to see if you can find the high level urgent care in your area and to see if you can get visiting nurses to come at least a couple of times a week. It honestly took 2 years before I no longer thought my daughter would die at any moment. THe fear is normal, I don't think you need to medicate it away. I would reccomend a sleeping pill that you take occasionally to get a full nights sleep at least twice a week. Its much easier to emotionally regulate when you are not exhausted. Hang in there.

I hear you. My son had pneumonia 3 years ago, and then he has asthma on top of it. For three days he was sick and super aggressive and stupid me didn't realize it was air hunger from the pneumonia. Then a doctor sent us home instead of to the ER. That was a bad mistake. When I returned to the docor hte next day we got reamed out for waiting all night before going to the ER. Anyhow, I still feel guilty about it. And anytime his asthma flares up, I overreact and am hypervigilant. So I think a lot of people do this. It's just one of those parent things. Rachael

Also, your anxiety and hyper vigilance will lessen after you have had a few times where you sought medical attention that turned out to be nothing.

Nevada jen-we actually have all the paperwork filled out to get nursing care, I just didn't think we needed it, I think I need to think again. I am going to send it in now and hopefully we can get at least a couple shifts a week. I wasn't sure I would be comfortable with a stranger in my house, but now I think I am I also made an appointment to talk to someone, I figure it can't hurt to vent my fears. It doesn't help when doctors are constantly reminding you that your child's days are numbered, don't they think I get that, I am just trying to lengthen that number and give her the best life possible!!

I hate when doctors tell me that "it might be time to let go" or that DD's days are numbered. I just nicely remind them that our plan is that she not die today and I expect them to do their part to make the plan work. I have one doctor who loves my attitude and have pissed off at least 2 enough to falsely turn us in to DFS. Try the nursing care. I think you will find that it gives you a lot of relief. You get about 6 hours of "the nurse will be here soon" plus actual nurse time, plus about 12 hours after where you know she is no worse than when the nurse saw her. Also, you might get some additional monitoring equipment that will put your mind at ease and you will get a lot of training. I distinctly remember that it was nerve wracking to not have a heart rate and O2 alarm for a few months after DD came home