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My husband and I received our 1st foster child placement in Feb 2012. We are fostering to adopt for children who are considered legal risk meaning that there are no more family ties or kinship available. We were led to believe that baby girl was a legal risk child because biological mom had lost 3 children in the system, 1 of them resulting in death. She was only 13 days old. Of course the bond was instant. I was able to take about 6 weeks off from work to bond and care for baby girl at home. She was in our home until April 20, 2012. She was 8 weeks old when removed from our household and given to kinship who isn't even immediate family. Moving forward to 1 month later, a sibling group of a 2 yr old girl and 3 yr old boy are now placed in our home. They are legally free with biological parents rights terminated and all kinship has been exhausted. This is a foster parents' dream come true. For some reason, I'm having difficulty adjusting. I'm not as excited and overjoyed as I was with baby girl. I really need some words of encouragement and prayers right now because I feel guilty and ashamed of how I feel. It's only been a week since the new foster children have arrived and I still feel no connection or bond. Was it too soon? Is it normal for me to feel like this? By the way, my husband is enjoying this new addition which makes it worse for me to feel this way.
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You're feelings are completely normal. You had what was for you the perfect placement, allowed yourself to attach right away and then wham, she was gone. Now you're in that place were your brain is telling you to protect yourself for that kind of harm again. This is what happens to kids that causes Reactive Attachment Disorder(RAD), which so many people say does exist because kids are so resislen tthey can get over being moved again and again.:grr: Give yourself time to greive the loss of the first child. Give yourself time to attach to the new kids. It's ok to feel a sense of loss. At the same time, allow yourself to time to get to know these new children. Pick out activites that you cando with each child so that you find out who they are and that allow you to connect with each one. Throw your expectations out the window. Don't expect the same feelings as you had before. It will be different. Give it time.
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We started the adoption process over a year ago and as shameful as this is to admit, our motives have sometimes fluctuated with the ups and downs. This sermon really put it all in perspective for me and helped me understand the root of adoption from God's point of view: It's not about me!!Anyway, I hope it is a blessing to you
Last update on April 5, 1:12 pm by Miriam Gwilliam.