How to bless our e-mom

Well, you asked... so... she IS NOT a birthmom right now. She is an expectant mom. The best thing you can do is treat her like that. Don't assume you will be invited to appointments or the birth. If she changes her mind about that, don't be hurt, it most likely isn't about you, it is about her. If she pulls back before the birth, as hard as it may be, remember, not about you, it is about her preparing herself for what will be possibly the greatest loss of her life. Hospital, don't think you can bring all your friends and family over. That should be her private time for herself, the father and baby. If they invite you, great, but don't bring anyone else along. If she doesn't want you in the delivery room, again, don't be hurt, she isn't trying to be mean, it isn't about you. Understand that your happiest time will probably be her worst. Try to keep your happy low key. I'm not saying don't be happy at all, but don't be leaping around happy, if that makes sense. If they want to name the baby, let them. It the OBC, you can rename. Don't be upset thinking that your child will be confused. One of the most special things in my life was when I found out what my first mom named me, and that specialness doesn't take away from the specialness of what my mom and dad named me. Most of all, remember she gets pregnancy and right after the birth, you get the rest of baby's life.

@Waiting_On_God If I found out my potential PAPs cared this much, that would be enough. I think the things I would want the most is the reassurance of whatever commitments we have in the future. As an emom myself right now and on the liberal, VERY open, lovey dovey side, I want to tell the PAPs everyday how much I want to see them at the birth and I want them to tell me how much they will think of me everyday and take lots of pictures to share. The openness I show them now, I hope they are willing to show me later. I guess I prefer their time, openness, sincerity, and honesty right now. And they are taking care of our Angel, the communication that we agreed upon. They did give us gifts when we met them for the first time, but what really sticks out in my mind was the homemade strawberry jelly. I'll never forget that. It was made with love and it was a great representation of them. I can't think of anything that they couldn't tell me as long as it was the truth. I think there is much more they feel they shouldn't say. But I wish they would.

I think that it is really great that you are thinking of her and you are building a great relationship prior to the birth. That is good. I would say continue to be open, be honest and be patient. Possibly think of putting together a basket for her to take home from the hospital, maybe lotion, cookies, a book, bath salts or bubble bath, etc, and give it to her as you all are leaving the hospital. Coming home from the hospital alone definitely tops my top ten worst days EVER, and it might be nice for her to know that you know it is going to be hard on her and would do anything to make it easier. Also if you could text pictures to her, if she is able to look at them, might help. Littlemans A-mom will text me pictures from time to time and it helped me, especially the first week or so. :-)

I too can get text pics on really bad days (its been about 6 months now and I still have really bad days) I think the best gift you can give is honesty, like pps said make sure you say what you mean and mean what you say... as far as gifts - a journal for the baby (something for her to write down her feelings about the process for her to share with baby one day) scrapbooks - one for her to make for your family showing birthfamily (also makes it easier to bring up adoption with your future baby) and one for her of your family so she knows who her baby calls grandma and so on... our APs made us 'adoption pendants' each one had all of our combined families birthstones and a heart (our three children, ours, our shared child, their oldest child and theirs) and that was soooo amazingly thoughtful. maybe you could write something that lets her know how amazing this experience has been for you and how much she means to you so she can enjoy it when she is in a better place... I got a beautiful leather journal and my DH some wonderful drawing pencils and pads from J's grandparents when we were still in the hospital - another amazingly thoughtful gift... maybe you could think of something she likes to do that would get her out of the house and around other people? I know right after we placed J I was miserable and sitting around the house just helped the depression grow. Most of all just let her know how much you love, honor and appreciate her and all that she is doing for you in spite of the torture she is putting herself through.

And do not forget to honor the birthfather... You would not believe how many couples we turned away because of their lack of interest in DH opinions or concern for his emotions. Sooo many people seem to forget that the baby that grew inside me wouldnt be there without him and HE has just as much right as I do when picking out PAPs... GOOD LUCK AND CONGRATS ON THE MATCH!!! :clap: