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If we have heard of a possible adoption situation through word of mouth, what should be our first steps?
We are currently with an agency, but they are pushing us to have the BM contact them first, but I am not sure that is the best route. Suggestions?
Should I contact a lawyer?
Our agency was very adamant about us not speaking with the potential BM, but I feel like I have heard of several situations where the adoptive families have spoken with the BM. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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That is odd. Can you look back to your agency agreement? It is possible, depending on your state and your agreement, that you may be able to do this adoption without the agency (if you want). If the mother has little to no expenses, it can be substantially cheaper than an agency adoption.
The agency may also want to intervene with proper counselling for the mother.
It is okay for you to meet the mom. I mean, what if she was your hair stylist or dental hygenist or something? Are you supposed to pretend to not know them? A really great bond that helps adoptions be successful is that of the birth parent(s) and the adopting parents.
Back to your initial questions though, yes, the first steps are to meet with her. She may just be on the fence about adoption. She may not be sure. OR she may have already decided on YOU and wants to move on it. The only way you can figure this out is to meet with her.
I'd wait until you are sure she wants you before contacting a lawyer. This is just in the interest of saving money. However, if you don't have a home study done and are planning to adopt no matter what, THAT should really be the first step. Depending on where you live, a home study can take 3-6 months to complete. If she is in her 2nd or 3rd trimester, it may mean you will have to wait a little longer before being able to adopt.