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OK.
I am going to keep this short.
Brother adopted at birth, we've never met, but I decided to look for him over the last few months.
Eventually I found him and contacted him- he had no idea who I was (never informed)
My problem is this.
I have seen several photos of him and hes gorgeous. He wont speak to me or acknowledge me and I have become obsessed with having a ''relationship'' with him.
I cannot stop thinking about him and its driving me insane. What is wrong with me? This is absolutely not right.
He's 20 and Im quite a bit older (still in my 20's though)
Waiting on responses from a carer and a ''case worker'' but as far as my brother is concerned I am nothing. Nobody.
I dont know what to do. I have known about him all my life but he has not been told a thing about me.
This need for contact is becoming an every day thing. Its like Im doing nothing BUT try to get contact and with that in mind constantly, and finding him rather attractive to begin with, I am very very worried that I am becoming ''victim'' to GSA and I really dont want that to happen because naturally you cannot act on it. Its wrong.
Please help me
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You haven't met him but you are wanting a connection to your brother. I don't think you need to worry this is becoming a GSA thing. I am fascinated by any and all pictures of my family - simply because even though I knew about them (including my siblings) I had never seen myself reflected back OR seen any pictures of them. When you first get a picture it can feel like a sort of obsession - pretty normal in my mind - especially as you are dealing with rejection at the same time. Only advice is time to accept and acknowledge that unless he opens up you will only have the picture. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years before you can say you are okay with it. You are okay - just hurting and wanting a connection that is being denied - it's hard. Take care,Dickons
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Dickons
You haven't met him but you are wanting a connection to your brother. I don't think you need to worry this is becoming a GSA thing. I am fascinated by any and all pictures of my family - simply because even though I knew about them (including my siblings) I had never seen myself reflected back OR seen any pictures of them. When you first get a picture it can feel like a sort of obsession - pretty normal in my mind - especially as you are dealing with rejection at the same time. Only advice is time to accept and acknowledge that unless he opens up you will only have the picture. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years before you can say you are okay with it. You are okay - just hurting and wanting a connection that is being denied - it's hard. Take care,Dickons
Honestly - reunion or even a hint at reunion makes you obessive about that person. You have gone your whole life accepting that you probably never will meet anyone you are related to - you have no choice - and then out of nowhere - it may be possible... It's kind of like obsessing about Christmas as a child... I would focus on reading about reunions...not GSA... You don't say if you can see a similarity between you but if you do see it - do you really think he is attractive or is it more affirming that you really are attractive because for the first time you can see yourself reflected back? Perhaps pick up Nancy Verriers book Coming Home to Self - it should help. Kind regards,Dickons
Dickons
Honestly - reunion or even a hint at reunion makes you obessive about that person. You have gone your whole life accepting that you probably never will meet anyone you are related to - you have no choice - and then out of nowhere - it may be possible...
It's kind of like obsessing about Christmas as a child...
I would focus on reading about reunions...not GSA...
You don't say if you can see a similarity between you but if you do see it - do you really think he is attractive or is it more affirming that you really are attractive because for the first time you can see yourself reflected back?
Perhaps pick up Nancy Verriers book Coming Home to Self - it should help.
Kind regards,
Dickons
Sometimes they come around - some take a while to adjust their reality of having another sibling - some it takes years - some never do. Sometimes they need more maturity or a life event to make it all real. Get the book because it is much more than just reunion - she has a pretty good handle on feelings... Just remember it takes time and you are okay... D
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I would suggest sending the occasional 'thinking of you' card every couple of months. If he never knew you existed it will take time for him to let it sink in. The occasional card shows him that you are committed to having a relationship with him and your persistence can show that you aren't the kind that is ready to abandon him easily. Of course, if he explicitly tells you to stop then stop.
I'm sorry, I don't know where your first parents and his adoptive parents are in all this. That has major consequences and effects on reunion.
Good luck!