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I haven't seen much about relationships between siblings with RAD. There was one article on the Nancy Thomas site... but that's about all I have found.
Anyone know where to find more? Or, does anyone have RAD siblings.
My two oldest both have RAD and their relationship makes all of our lives miserable.
This goes way, way, way beyond sibling rivalry. They absolutely HATE each other. I don't know that I have ever heard them talk nicely, pleasantly or respectfully to each other. My son gets visibly shaken up over the most meaningless things that his sister says. They pick at each other, correct each other, talk rudely etc....constantly!
We cannot enjoy our time together as a family because they turn it into a competiton between the two of them. Who got to go first, who got the most, who is right, who is bothering who... constantly trying to get each other in trouble. It never ends!
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, play time, bath time, bed time, family time; it's all about them!!
They try to drag me into their arguments, tattle on each other endlessly, and literally FIGHT OVER THEIR LITTLE SISTER! It's not about them getting to play with her, it's "HAHA, I get to play with her and you can't!"
What is bothering me most is that they are dragging my 4 year old into the middle of it. This morning I set up the slip n slide. My 8 year old did everything she could to exclude her brother from the activity. Then she told my 4 yr old to throw the soapy water in their brother's face. My son heard her say this, but when my 4 yr old threw the water (like her big sister told her to) he turns around and throws soapy water in my 4 yr olds eyes! Then he starts getting up in the 8 yr olds face telling her she is not allowed on the slip n slide any more and then runs to the door to telling me that the 8 yr old won't let him have a turn.
He didn't know I had seen the whole thing.
What's totally nutty is that he was spitting mad when I told them both to go inside and lay down.
It is NEVER their fault! They WILL NOT say sorry!
ahhhhhhh
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We've seen that in action. Our new 9 and 8 year old never interacted in a positive way and they did also complete over the attention of their 3 year old sister. Sometimes they competed for her time and sometimes they tried to use her as a tool to attack each other. All of them have some level of attachment trauma, but not necessarily RAD.But I'm afraid I can't say anything about solving the problems. Our problem got solved for us. The 8 year old disrupted because he was sexually offending. At that time we saw a huge change in the 9 year old. Her anxiety levels dropped dramatically after that.
jeffw
We've seen that in action. Our new 9 and 8 year old never interacted in a positive way and they did also complete over the attention of their 3 year old sister. Sometimes they competed for her time and sometimes they tried to use her as a tool to attack each other. All of them have some level of attachment trauma, but not necessarily RAD.
But I'm afraid I can't say anything about solving the problems. Our problem got solved for us. The 8 year old disrupted because he was sexually offending. At that time we saw a huge change in the 9 year old. Her anxiety levels dropped dramatically after that.
I'm fostering 11 and 13 year old siblings and they are a lot like you describe. It's weird reading your description of the constant arguing and competition because it's so my FKs.
Both of my fosters have been tentatively diagnosed with RAD. The pyschologist won't diagnose kids who aren't in permanent homes, saying the lack of attachment now is somewhat expected. Regardless, everyone agrees they have significant attachment issues.
I would be interested in any literature you do find on RAD siblings. Right now, we're moving towards adoption by another family, and there are times when I don't think any family will work for both kids. The 13 year old doesn't want to be adopted, while the 11 year old is more open and accepting (disinhibited attachment) and I wonder sometimes if they need separate homes.
stimulus
I'm fostering 11 and 13 year old siblings and they are a lot like you describe. It's weird reading your description of the constant arguing and competition because it's so my FKs.
Both of my fosters have been tentatively diagnosed with RAD. The pyschologist won't diagnose kids who aren't in permanent homes, saying the lack of attachment now is somewhat expected. Regardless, everyone agrees they have significant attachment issues.
I would be interested in any literature you do find on RAD siblings. Right now, we're moving towards adoption by another family, and there are times when I don't think any family will work for both kids. The 13 year old doesn't want to be adopted, while the 11 year old is more open and accepting (disinhibited attachment) and I wonder sometimes if they need separate homes.
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I have 3 sibs with attachment disorder. The two older sibs are the most affected (younger one is cognitively disabled and a much easier child). I have a lot of the arguing and competitiveness going on like what you describe, although not quite so intense. I am reading other replies with interest.
Yes, I understand! My 4 yr old has dev. Delays so even though she is a handful...it is easier to deal with than two absolutely intelligent children who play dumb!
I don't understand why they fight the simplest of things!!! Every am when I hand my dd her meds I set a cup of water in front of her and she refuses to take a drink of it until I TELL her to. She will stand there trying to swallow her capsule dry!!! Urrrrr why? Like I don't have a million other things going on? I swear if I could swallow FOR her she would make me do that too!!
I am so darn sick of everyone at school telling me what an angel she is. It just makes her behavior that much more frustrating. She is choosing to give me hell! Great.