Anxiety in a 2 year old?

Hi! My FS has dealt with some issues related to anxiety. Back when he was having visits he would scream and hit his mom and yell for help (he was two). Around the same time he started freaking out at the doctor's and the dentist office. I dont personally think getting the child some object to attach to is a good idea. I dont really know why so many parents insist on it. I do not think it is healthy to become dependent on material things for comfort. We don't do this with our children, but to each their own. I prefer trying to calm the child by speaking to them and showing them you are there for them. Hoarders find comfort in objects and many obese find comfort in food (not healthy). So anyway what worked when our son was freaking out at the doctors was ....getting an amazing dentist. He saw the same doctor for over a year, and continued to freak out. Then he had to see a dentist when he fell and he acted the same way. I took him to a different dentist that was amazing(although not on our insurance)!!! He was happy and smiled and was completely different. Then he saw a different doctor who he was also comfortable and happy with! The dentist is what made me decide to try a new doctor. So I know this might not help for you, but you might try and find different doctors. It worked for us and I never would have tried it for the sake of it calming him...because I thought his other doctors were good! Turns out they weren't great. Anyway good luck!

I have found that routine and hand signals help. Sometimes when in the midst of extreme anxiety a child cannot always "hear" you, but they can see you movements. So if you find a signal for your words that you use all the time and follow the same routine (or as close as possible) for the first few moths it can really help. We have signals for food, drink, calm down, sleep, more... we still use them because they are so ingrained into our behavior now and they still do help because although the anxiety has lessened it has never gone away.A note on the other foster mom, I was never considered "high strung" until after 2 years with my now adopted children. Living with anxiety is hard on everyone and being ever vigilant of trying to reduce triggers and maintain balance for the whole family is tiring and can lead to anxiety in the care-giver. Be on the look-out with that in yourself because you are right and the child will feed off of the anxiety. Btw, I am calmer now too!

For the hand signals...is it sign language? Our family and son did those too and I agree they do help when there is trouble either undertanding or him verbalizing when upset! Sign language is always a great thing to learn either way!

Our DD has some pretty high anxiety. For her, I think a lot of it is related to her attachment issues and her issues around feeling in control of the situation. For her, I introduce something that I know is going to be hard maybe a day or two ahead of time (more as she gets older, less when she was younger), and we talk about what's going to happen, what it's going to be like, answer any of her questions we can answer, etc. She has never attached to any objects or things. She can be distracted at times, which can help break the cycle of anxiety when she gets caught up in it.

we do sign language with our youngest currently (he is non-verbal) and the child we are hoping to adopt does sign language wiht his current FP, so I think this would be a great idea.

I had the FP get a blanke or lovey (animal? whatever), or I sent one to the foster family, so that when the kids came to us they had something that we didn't wash for awhile. The familiar smells can be important, especially at bed/nap time, or during other daily transitions.A couple of my kids have been more anxious, one particularly so. We learned what were triggers and how to mitigate as best we could. It's different things for different kids. We tried to keep our routine the same as much as possible. For my kids this meant that after they moved in I didn't leave them with a sitter, other than familiar extended family members, for several months. Some kids it was longer, others it was shorter. I didn't stay away overnight for ... years? I think you'll know how sensitive your kiddo is and you'll figure out what is too much simply because they fall apart. It won't be that way forever, but we kept it as simple as possible for a couple of years. (I know, I know...kids have to transition, and they have to live life as it comes...BUT we're talking traumatized kids who take time to adjust. And they will. It just may take longer than "average". :p )

THat is a good point. I dont' plan on doing much of anything after 2yo moves in. Even our adopted kids that have been with us 5 years now fall apart when Dh and I go away for a day or 2. We only do that once a year, because it is so hard on them.

I would also talk to the child's doctor about possible medication to reduce anxiety the first few days. In adults, if you were going through a MAJOR transition/loss and asked a doctor for something they would likely give you something... for kids for some reason the prevaling thought is to just let them kinda work it out. I, personally, don't think that is fair to kids. Especially if the little tike is having disrupted sleep, etc. So, I would ask even if it is only something to help them sleep at night. I wouldn't use it as a long term solution but maybe during the first few days maybe week of transition. I would also try to make your world very small for a while and steel your nerves and your family for what will be a difficult time. If you can all stay calm (which I know is VERY hard with screaming/tantruming/hurting 2 yr olds). So kids seem to love their lovey and some kids don't attact to objects much at all. I would let the child set the tone for that. If they find something they find appealing then I would use that object when holding/comforting/ reading stories/ calm times with the child so the association between comfort and object increases. We have had kids who get upset and we can say "go find your (insert name of lovey)" and it has helped them calm themselves. Might not stop a major meltdown - but their lovey can help them through some stressful minor moments of the day. Just my 2 cents.

Well we had our first visit with the little guy in our home today. He showed very little anxiety at all. He actually did so well! He sat on my lap the first half hour, then got down and started playing with my kids. He ate lunch well, we played outside and he took a 2 hour nap!!! I think what is happening here is the current FOSTER MOM has anxiety and he is picking up on it. Unless things change with future visits , I'd have to say he is going to be just fine.