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14-yr-old (anxiously attaching, FASD, ADHD, so mentally about 9) off antidepressant (Mirtazapine, to help her fall asleep) since last Monday.
Psych said OK to take her off because she had side effect of chronic constipation. Stopped last Monday and hasn't had constipation since, but again struggling to fall and stay asleep.
Then this morning she said she "(didn't) have any bras left, I looked!" after I sent her up twice to look for one. And when I went up to help, I looked in her old, favorite "hiding" spots. Sure enough, found bras, undies, clean socks, and entire dirty outfit she wore last week (maybe after stopping Mirtazapine?) in all of the hiding spots. Some dirty, some clean. So this took effort!
WHEN: When changing into PJs and when taking clean laundry up to her room to put away. She IS aware she is doing it and could remember today when I found the items. (She did cry, though, and said she had forgotten she hid all these things. Remember, too, that she doesn't do it all in one day. Probably every few days judging by the amount of clothing I found. Her grasp of "time" is sketchy at best, so she likely quickly forgets doing it or thinks it was "a long time ago" when it was really just a day or 2.)
WHY/What's going on in her head: She doesn't know. Couldn't verbalize WHY she had hidden items or what she was thinking at the time. (Like a survival instinct that she doesn't understand.) Claims she doesn't want to keep doing this, but doesn't know why she feels compelled. (Sounds like OCD to me!)
My CONCERNS: OK, so I realize this hurts nobody except her when she eventually runs out of clothes (if I stop rescuing her and "finding" the hidden ones for her). BUT...if she's truly anxious or if this is an effect of suddenly stopping her antidepressant/sleep aid, then that could be serious! (She doesn't hide all of the time. It seems to come and go, likely triggered by something each time.)
Has anyone seen this in their child before (regressing to odd OCD-like behaviors the child can't explain after stopping a particular med)? I did call her psych and he wants to see her at his "next available" appt. time, so he must be concerned.
My kiddo has alot going on with healing RAD, ADHD, and FASD! Enough of a burden, so would like to help her through this in as painless a way as possible. (It's stressful for us both!)
P.S. I know this screams of RAD, but she seemed truly at a loss when I found clothing item after item in all of her typical hiding places. I know it's anxiety/survivalist related, but concerned that she really did need Mirtazapine as an antidepressant, anti-anxiety med and not just to help her fall asleep. That's what worries me! (Will know more next week when we see psych.)
Thanks for any ideas!
P.S. In the meantime I'm going to give her a box of small things she can hide in her room when the need arises, like many families do with the container of packaged food items under the bed. Harmless way for her to maintain control and fear without causing everyone else stress.
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Your struggle sounds similar to many I have had with my 9 year old daughter. We have dealt with many behaviors that drove me nuts and she wanted to stop doing but couldn't. What I have to do was find out what beliefs were underneath her behavior.
Examples:
She first come to live with me when she was six. She was hungry eat every hour on the hour. I would make her something and she would take two three bits and say I'm full. This drove me nuts! I was spending my entire day in the kitchen. I then set a time for meals and snacks and told her if she chose not to eat she was choosing to go hungry. What I only discovered about six months ago, was her birth mom would take away food as punishment when she had done something wrong. For my daughter it was less painful to have food taken away if she refused it herself. We talked about how this is not my form of disappline and she doesn't have to worry about that happening now. I couldn't get to eat more then a few bits before and now she will ask for seconds and sometimes even thirds.
Even more recent we have dealt with her lying. She knows it only gets her in trouble but she couldn't seem to stop doing it no matter what I did. She has told me she is afraid of getting in trouble even though she was lying about things I hadn't told her she couldn't do. I discovered earlier this week, when she was little, her birth parents were not prividing her with enough supervision and so every time I asked her what she was doing she would lie to me. We discussed how younger children need more supervision and her birth parents were not providing it to her. I told her she is older now and doesn't need as much supervision so when I ask what she is doing I'm not asking because she's in trouble, I'm asking because I want to know what she is doing.
BOTTOM LINE: You have to find out what is driving her behavior. This is probably going to be something she may not know right off the bat. You might try having her keep a journal of her thoughts and feelings. Tell her to journal about her thoughts and feelings right before and right after she hid her clothes. You could also keep a journal about what is going on in her environment. More than likely together you can find the pattern that is triggering her behavior. Once you find the pattern, you can then talk about her concerns that are driving her behavior.
MEDS: I can't tell you if it is directly connected to stopping the meds. However, if she is not getting enough sleep that will naturally make her more anxious so it could be indirectly connected to it. The psychiatrist can help you find a med that helps her sleep and won't cause serious side effects.
ALSO: I hope she is in therapy. All of this can be very stressful for a time in her life that is already very stressful.
Hope that helps!
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Thanks, Dashland, those are some great ideas!
I did go ahead and give her a few trinkets to keep in her jewelry box that she can hide when she feels anxious (a few fancy-looking beads and buttons, some foreign coins, other items I found in my jewelry box that I won't miss if she loses them). And this seemed to do the trick! She announced to me the next morning what she had hidden, and I explained that she needn't do that--that this is for her to do "secretly" if she feels the need to keep up on her skills. (Earlier I had tried explaining WHY she may have been hiding clothes--survival skills from her past--but I'm not sure how much she understood.)
Doesn't matter, though. It seems to have worked. I will add the journal, too, though, because that's a great way to help her understand her own behaviors!
P.S. Nope, she hasn't been in therapy for 2 years because her attachment therapist thought she was "just fine now" and would begin to attach as long as MY HUSBAND AND I did our work. :grr: No, we weren't happy about this. But at the time we had started homeschooling her, so the stealing was resolved (she couldn't steal from teacher or classmates anymore) and alot of her anxieties were resolving because she was at home now (no more supposed bullying). BUT she was still lying compulsively, wetting bed, hiding clothes. And even today she struggles to deal appropriately with her peers. We've got the kids in some homeschooling activity groups and the younger two complain that she embarrasses them, telling strangers about once having had to dig through garbage and being "mom" to her younger sibs. And that she has "alcohol in my brain" (FASD). Ugh. It is what it is. I've tried to encourage the other 2 to find their own friends and let K have her friends and tell them whatever she wants. They aren't responsible for her behaviors. (It's so tough for them, I know.) :o