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So...we are hoping to adopt our boo boo baby. He has been with us since birth. The TPR trial is next month. Bio dad will he out of prison soon. He has a history of being in and out of prison, mostly for drug related things. Mon has a dx of FAS MR DD, and a history or drug use. From what I have read, it is best for the child to have at least a somewhat open adoption. What are your thoughts inflow open of an adoption would be appropriate?
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My oldest sons' birthmom is DD. We have a semi-open adoption whereby we get together 3 times a year. She is free to mail things (usually cards and drawings - she is like a 5 year old) as often as she wants.
Having the semi-open adoption with her means that my son also sees his maternal grandmother and her husband each time as his birthmom cannot drive, nor can she take the bus by herself. It has really been good for both sides.
I had the stipulation put in the mediation agreement that if she, or any of them shows up for a visit impaired by drugs/alcohol that the visit ends immediately. It is also up to me to judge whether or not the visits will continue. If my son ever says that he no longer wants to see them, I am to let them know and all visits will be off until such time that he requests to have them restarted.
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I would just start out slow. We initially had only contact via mail, pictures twice year. Since then we have slowly allowed for more contact because birth mom is doing sooo well and always complied to everything I asked of her. Now our contact is email, phone, Facebook, when ever she needs to chat or the girls talk about seeing or visiting with their birth mom. We have had three very nice visits with her. Just take it very slow. It took two years for our DD's birth mom to realize that adoption was final and she would never be able to "get her girls back," we had some very rough times with her before she came to except this, but now things have totally changed. We have a great open relationship.
This is a struggle for me as well. We are in the TPR phase and BM said that she doesnt want to be cut out of her childs life and that she wants him to know that she is his mom. Im of course thinking "If he was that important, you would have made the right decisions when everyone, including us, was holding your hand and all you had to do was push the door." However, I understand that she is due with another child in November. We do not know if DCS will take the new baby or not. She wants the boys to know each other, which I understand, however I do not let my children hang out with known abusers, alcoholics or drug dealers. How do you maintain contact with the siblings but not put your child in a situation you would normally never have allowed them to be in?