What to do with 15yo RAD?Conduct disorder son?

:grr: This is my first post on anything like this, I am desperate for some advice! ...I am a mother of 8 children ~ 4 adopted, 4 bio. "O" our 15 year old adopted son has been in a RTC for the last 3 months after a horrible 2 year period of 3 seperate psychiatric hospitalizations, juvenile detention, and a lengthy fight with DCF over providing specialized treatment for his diagnosis of RAD. We lost that battle, and he is in a state run RTC that really has not done much in the last 3 months, other than introduce him to some like minded peers who think of themselves as gang members. At least he is not home torturing the rest of the family, and holding us hostage with his out of control behavior, which include major property destruction, threatning, stealing, running away, etc..... Our other adopted children have not had any of these issues, and they were older than "O" when we adopted them. I think I have come to the conclusion that my son does not have a conscious. He has always been what you might call..."self-centered", and my husband and I have always pretty good about sugar coating and explaining away alarming behaviors, but I am now scared of him and seriously want to consider a group home setting once he is out of the RTC. My husband is not on board with that, he thinks we should try to have him home one more time, but I am afraid of what he is capable of when he has his next outburst. He has had a few episodes at The RTC, but they have not seen what we see, and I think his therapist there thinks we are the bad guys now, that WE are the problem! He was home last weekend, and came to me and said he would like to go see his doctor, because he is afraid he is "shooting blanks" since his girlfriend has not been able to get pregnant. Apparently they have tried! when i told him how absurd that idea is, and how would he be able to care for a baby, he said he would tell his girlfriend to "kill it" , ie..have an abortion. It sent chills up my spine! Then he said we could take care of it if she didnt, since we already have custody of another grandchild. He did not feel that was too much to ask, it is his child! I told him that Dad and I are not raising anymore children, and he got pissed at me and walked out of the room, slamming doors. I was actually encouraged by the fact that he was able to stop himself from a full blown episode, but it occured to me later that he CHOSE not to, because he didnt want an episode to interupt the plans he had that afternoon. he has said in the past that he plans out his "tantrums, outbursts"? not sure what to calll them...he starts to plan them when he is bored or wants to escape something coming up at school or to punish someone. that scares me tremendously. He has had a history of cutting, and after a recent fight with his girlfriend, he cut her initial in his arm, he said to make her feel bad. I believe that is his motivation, he controls people with his charm and wit. Yes, he is VERY charming and endearing, but not in a genuine way. In a manipulative and self serving way, but I still fall for it, as does everyone he knows. He is good at turning on the charm, really good. So....i guess my question is this, is there any hope that he will get better? Should I agree to bring him home one more time with all the same supports that failed the last 4 times we brought him home from hospitalizations and detention? Right now I say no, But I am hoping to get insight and feedback from parents who have been in our shoes! Thank you for reading this looooong vent! :thanks: