trying to not be bitter and resentfull-prayer

Hi! I already posted this on your other thread in Christian Fellowship yesterday.... My history is interesting to say the least....I have 2 bio boys, went through fertility issues (DH's) for 3 years and we finally conceived our boys. I had many early pregnancy failures and 1 actual M/C. I grew up with my bio Mom, Step-Dad and my adoptive Dad (who I found out was not my bio Dad when I was in my 20's) I also, briefly saw my BioDad and just met my other sister on his side last spring. So basically I have my feet in both adoption and the biological side. I have many siblings on both sides...and now am 1 of 12 kids after you tally in all the siblings. It nuts really! Why am I telling you all this...well as a Christian woman and Christian family I have always wanted to adopt....I have been married to my DH for almost 20 years and have been with him since I was 16 years old and I am now 40! I used to beg him to consider adoption, after all he spent his entire childhood knowing his chance of having kids was almost impossible, I didn't have any issues...yet he wouldn't budge. This talking to him, begging, etc went on for almost a decade. I began things when my youngest was a toddler...my boys are now 14 and 16 this month. My desire was ALWAYS for International Adoption. Latin American..but again, he wouldn't budge so finally..... I talked him into Foster Care/Adoption. I was SO excited yet still a bit disappointed I admit because I really STILL wanted to adopt INTERNATIONALLY..but overall I was thrilled that he would even consider anything at that point. So there I was, DH on board in 2009, things with the homestudy went SO smoothly and within days we were getting calls for all kinds of kids, babies mostly, which strangely is not what I felt I could handle....and eventually we accepted a 6 year old boy. He was sweet, he did have issues, but in the end it was obvious that my kids and DH just weren't doing well with the whole foster care thing. It was a devastating blow to realize this was not the right thing for our family. Again, I sat there upset.....I KNEW that I KNEW God was calling our family to adopt but how..... IN the end, it took DH 3 more years and one video, from Third Day-Children of God to convince my DH that HE wanted to move forward again, but this time he felt God calling us to adopt from CHINA. I was floored! HUH? So that IS what we are doing right now....half way through the process..now he is excited and I am the one saying....really...China...you couldn't be called to adopt someplace closer!!!!! So what I am telling you is Don't GIVE UP! If God is in things it will work out. If it is TRULY his Will...then he will change your husbands heart and if it isn't his will he will change your heart. I can tell you after all that my DH and I have been through regarding having children, and trying to expand our family ( I still can have bio kids too but have chosen not to over the years) I know without a doubt ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! Just begin to pray to God with an open heart asking him to reveal his plan for your family and know that if what you ask is right for your family....it can happen for you. I can't tell you how many websites and posts I showed to my DH about adoption before he came along side and agreed it was the right thing for our family. My DH always says, men just don't see things as we women do...and that it took me giving him lots of time to come around..and thankfully he did and it is so neat to see him SO excited about our soon to be new addition. Again, Just don't give up until God says its time too......my DH now says how he regrets not doing it sooner..... but he also jokes...better late then never...and I couldn't agree more! God Bless and Remember with God all things are possible!

Although I'm not a woman, I did go through the same thing with my wife. We have one biological son, who is now 12. When we realized we weren't going to be able to have another, I was open to the idea of adoption, but she wasn't. I realized it would not be good for our marriage if I tried to pressure her into adopting, so I prayed that if it was truly God's will for us to adopt, then He would open all of our hearts to it. It took a few years but then my wife came to me and said that she felt led to adopt. Last May we began the international adoption process. We are adopting from Ukraine. Right now, all of our dossier and paperwork are over there with the Ukrainian government and we are just waiting for them to offer the invitation over. I know how difficult it can be for you to want something so badly, but you have to be willing to let God work on your husband's heart. I will be praying for you both.Elliott

My husband was a closed door and with a lot of prayer, addressing his concerns and some time he did come around and now he's very much on board. Sometimes we don't know what the concerns our husbands have and those need to be addressed. Does he worry about being able to provide? Perhaps you could research the finance portion of adoption including any funds you'll receive or tax returns, etc. Is her worried about time alone with you? Maybe you can plan a babysitter and make sure you are conscience of your time for him. Is he concerned about the problems that might come with a foster child? Perhaps you can decided, together, what he would or wouldn't be able to deal with. Just have a conversation when you both really have time to talk.

Just wanted to see what the status was of your situation. My DH and I talked about adopting a few years ago and he decided (after watching a movie about an adoption gone REALLY wrong) that we needed to take a break. Just this winter we watched "The Life of Timothy Green". I bawled at the end of this movie! But, I didn't say anything. This had to be his choice also. The very next day - no joke - he came to me and said "If no one ever adopted because they heard a horror story, these kids would never have a family". We just finished our application and first training. Our second and third training sessions are this weekend and we hope to be licensed by the end of March. My point is this. God's timing is PERFECT. After prayers upon prayers, the decision was made TOGETHER to move forward. Our BD (7) has been brought in to the process and she understands more now than she would have a few years ago. We are better prepared now. We've realized this isn't a "snap decision" that we can make. We got the opportunity to work with a CHRISTIAN AGENCY that we wouldn't have been able to work with a few years ago. God knew what we needed, exactly when we needed it. I will continue my prayers for you and your family. Please add my family to your prayer list too. We ALL need to pray for guidance and peace for ourselves and others going through this process. Kristi

[QUOTE=txMOMkThe very next day - no joke - he came to me and said "If no one ever adopted because they heard a horror story, these kids would never have a family". My point is this. God's timing is PERFECT. God knew what we needed, exactly when we needed it. Kristi[/QUOTE] This brought tears to my eyes.

I know this was posted a few months ago, but I thought I'd share a bit of my story. My husband brought up the idea of adoption when we'd been married about a year without any success of conceiving. But I told him we needed to try fertility treatments. For the next few years, he would bring up adoption a couple times a year, but I would completely shut him down. I felt like if we pursued adoption, it was saying that we were giving up ever trying to conceive a child ourselves and I was not willing to give up that dream. When we'd been married about 4 or 5 years, he brought it up again, and instead of feeling angry and upset, I felt at peace with the idea. I told him "ok". And he paused, then said "really?" And I said "yeah, let's do it." He immediately got online and started looking at different adoption agencies (domestic and international). It wasn't till later that I realized the reason I was so against adoption at first was because I felt like if we pursued it, it meant we were giving up our dream of conceiving a child together, and I wasn't ready to give that dream up. Since then I've come to learn that adoption doesn't mean giving up a dream, it just means (for us) that we got our dream a different way than at first expected. I'm not actually sure what my husband thought about my resistance those first few years, but I think he understood where I was coming from. We've also dealt with this same issue in regards to IVF. After certain other treatments weren't working, he wanted to give IVF a try, but I wasn't ready to do it. And then about a year later when I was ready to move ahead with it, he was no longer ready to do it. His main concern was the finances, mine was the emotional toll (I had talked to a few women who did IVF and they went through depression from it all). Then about a year, maybe it was two years, after this, we were both finally on board, but then we got a call from our agency that we were chosen to adopt. So we put IVF on hold and adopted our little boy a little over a year ago. I think it just wasn't the right course to go at the time. We had moments where we were angry at each other for not being on the same page at the same time, but for the most part we've done pretty good at supporting each other and got REALLY good at waiting for the other to get on the same page. The past 9 1/2 years have been full of trials for us (infertility, failed adoptions) but it has brought us closer together.