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My husband and I have just been presented with two boys (6 & 8). We knew the boys were severely neglected and have some developmental delays and asthma. However, while in the presentation with their caseworker, we were informed they have had issues with sexual behaviors. These started early, 2 years and 5 years old. There are many documented cases of the behaviors, some involve other children (both genders) but most are between the two brothers. Per the group home they are in there has been a "significant " decline in the frequency. We are set up to actually talk with the home AND the boys' therapist in a few days. There have also been 2 cases of fecal smearing and a possible urine drinking by the older child (almost a year ago.). They both have anxiety issues that are improving, the worst are separation and placement/stability related.
Now that you have background information, please HELP. We are worried because we have 5 kids under 5 that are in our home FREQUENTLY (none of our own yet). We are also worried about their safety together. (Separate bedroom of course). We would like input on parenting kids with similar problems, how you avoid and prevent the behaviors within the home and against the other kids, what other challenges have come up for those in the same or similar situations. We want what's best for everyone especially these two boys who have know so much neglect and abuse. Thank you so very much.
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That's not just a little bit of acting out. Those are serious behaviors you are describing there. Of course the CW and others are down playing it. They want these boys off their caseload. Are you prepared to keep them in line of sight supervision until they are grown? Are you prepared to never have any more children or have kids younger than them around? If not, run, don't walk from this placement. As a first time parent, the people who presented these kids to you should be ashamed. I know people who would take this on, but they parent HARD kids and even they would have to really think about it.
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I have to agree - no matter how much you want to parent, or help kids, these kids do not sound like a match for anyone inexperienced. The behaviors you described are likely not everything (unfortunatley) - CWs are notorious for saying JUST ENOUGH to try to guarantee a placement. If the boys are acting out that often against each other, they likely should be separated...and NEVER be unsupervised around other children, younger or older. That's a lot - too much, actually - for most people to take on.
It really sounds like the boys should be placed in separate homes and I'm surprised they are trying to palce them together. They certainly need to not be in a home with other children, especially those who are younger. Hyper-vigilant does not even describe how you would have to be every moment in your own home with these kids and certainly when other children were present. Just imagine the scenario of one child needing to go to the bathroom, needing your help and the other kids being left alone with the boys. It only takes a moment.
Thank you so very much. I honestly think we are leaning towards not accepting these boys. We are going to hear from the group home in the morning and then talk to a therapist we know in the afternoon. I know I could "love" these boys but Love will NOT fix it all. I have to do what is best for them no matter what I think I want.