Advertisements
We have 3 little ones, and the oldest (who just turned 5 this week) flips out when dh and I hug/touch. We aren't overly affectionate in front of other normally, but we realized recently that we hadn't hugged at all in a long time because of her reaction. So, we started being sure to work in affection in front of her, and she still continues to freak out. We've tried hugging her at the same time, explaining that we love her, too, ect. She always says something like, "You love him, you don't love me!" I'm at a loss, and can't find any help on how to handle this. She's come a long way in 5 months on so many other issues, and I know one thing she needs is time, but it's really difficult to ignore.
For example, this is what happened just tonight: I was cooking dinner and dh walked up behind me and gave me a hug. She bolts in from the living room, and gets between us screaming, "WHAT DID I TELL YOU? You don't hug!!!" Then she starts pushing and hitting both of us. So we ignore her - dh gives me a quick tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, pats her on the head affectionately and walks away. She then throws herself against the cabinets and starts screaming that she can't do this anymore, she starts at me, I move, she runs into an open cabinet door and screams that I pushed her down and don't love her. Then, for the rest of the night, everytime dh and I go near each other or if she's told to go in another room, she starts screaming at us asking what are we going to do?
This anger goes on all night long. If dh touches me, you can see her eyes change to pure anger, and she just stares straight ahead - like one of those kids from a horror movie. I just don't know how to handle it. She's in therapy, but is smart enough to know that she doesn't 'have to talk to the counselor. She even told me once that the woman wanted her to talk, so she wasn't going to. Her bios messed this little girl up something terrible (and continue to fill her little head with hate talk and nonsense on a weekly basis!)
Any advice? Anyone been through this?
Like
Share
Advertisements
I'm almost positive that she does have an attachment disorder. They told us she was possibly ADHD (imagine that) when they were placed, but I soon realized that it was most likely attachment related. I'm also fairly certain that when biomom and biodad were fighting, her mother clinged to her for support. However, when they got back together they shut her out. So, there are lots of causes to consider. She saw a child psychologist, but the little booger is so smart that she (quoting her words) "knew they wanted me talk to them, and I didn't want to talk, so I just played with the toys until they stopped asking me questions. I was ready to come home." (On their first visit after custody, the mother screamed at her and told her it was her fault they were taken away, because she told on her mother. So, when you ask anything she shuts down.) DFCS is talking about calling in a forensic psychologist and we've looked into play therapy. She got much better when school started, but now she's reverting back to some of the behaviors.
My main issue is that I don't know how to react when she acts that way. I try pulling her in for a group hug and she flips out. I try ignoring it, and giving her the vast amount of attention she normally gets, and she flips out. I try explaining about the nature of love, and she flips out. I'm at a loss, and I don't want to damage her more. It could be months before we find a therapy that works.