Strange situation!

Not sure where to start so maybe the beginning is the best place...I am a 34 year old birth mom who was adopted when I was 3...I had a very rough childhood prior to begin adopted and even more difficult once adopted...Life has never been easy for me at all...When I was 13 my parents told me that I was adopted and that my bmom is the same person that I was told was m cousin..that was quite a blow. I went to live with my bmom when I was 13 and that didn't work out at all...much more rejection than I had ever experienced and within a few months of living with her, she sent me back with amom & adad. At the age of 17 I found out I was pregnant. I was sooooo happy and thought that this was my chance to make things right and have a family. I was in love with the father and we were deteremined.....One year and one month later I found out I was pregnant with my second son. I was nervous but thought we could make it. My children's father was hooked on meth and I knew that I couldn't do this on my own. I made the hardest decision ever and placed the boys with a wonderful family! I was sad but happy that they would have a better life...One month after the adoption was finished I found out I was pregnant by their father again with a daughter. We had already split up and I was living with my parents so I figured I was NOT going to fail at this. I did well for a while, went to college, got a good job but then became hooked on meth myself....it ruined me. I had many years of hardship and for the first four years of my daughter's life I was absent and my parents took care of her. When I was 25 I had my last son. I was clean and sober and moved far away from all the drugs and started to really live my life the way it was meant to be lived. Just me and my daughter and my son. I was a single parent but I did everything in my power to ensure that I was there for my son and daughter. My parents left me alone for a while and things were great until I met another guy who was horribly abusive to me. My parents found out and came out to where I was (about 2500 miles from where they live) and took my son and daughter back to live with them. I don't see them but maybe once a year. They are doing great, they get good grades and do what "normal" kids do...I work all the time and keep my nose clean and my love life is drama free. Over the weekend my amom called me to tell me that she had tracked down my other 2 sons that were given up for adoption. I was speechless. I had dreamed of this day for 14 years and here it was. The strange thing is, I was neither happy or sad....My amom was a little pushy saying that I needed to call them right away and that she and my other 2 children had been talking to them on the phone. I didn't know what to say. I was numb. I felt guilty that I wasn't rolling around on the floor crying and shaking with happiness. I love ALL of my children and I cannot explain this feeling. I have sent an email to the boys amom and adad because I just wanted to tell them that I was so happy that the boys have had what seemed to be a great start in life. I really just wanted to share what has happened and see if anyone has any kind of advice of what I should do, if anything....thank you