anyone else permanently stuck as the "good adoptee"?

October 15, 2012

I have been in reunion for 20 yrs. Pretty successfully- I think of my birthmom as one of my closest friend. Although I have 4 siblings, we live across the country and we haven't been all that close -although we're more in touch now thru facebook and text than ever before.

My main question is that my bmom just sent me an email- saying that she doesn't understand why I think she's going to get annoyed at me for minor things- during the summer I lost a letter I was supposed to forward to someone for her (easy to reprint) and most recently I jumped the gun and contacted my youngest sister when my mom emailed me that my sister is going to undergo surgery next month (a surgery I already had- which is why I called-to offer my support). My sister was po'd that Mom told others. So I shot mom an email to make sure she wasn't mad that I called sis.

Thing is that I KNOW that I've been that way because I am adopted- never good enough for the apars or anyone because of, well just not being good enough, kwim?

I didn't think it was also something that I felt with my mom as she's honestly the one person that I feel does love me unconditionally. But I guess subconsciously I still worry about abandonment. Frankly, after 20 yrs I logically know that I couldn't get rid of her if I wanted too...which I certainly don't. But this just surprised me about myself.

Anyone experience this too?

L4R

October 18, 2012

leight,

I contacted my mother earlier this year, and I just contacted my father. So, I don't know how I would be if I were in reunion with them for two decades.

But, it makes sense to me. Even though logically you know your mother loves you unconditionally and will be there no matter what, the kid in you who was given up for adoption still feels the emotion of that "abandonment."

With being new to this, I often find myself thinking, "if they were able to give up a baby who obviously needed to be nurtured, they're not going to have a second thought about dropping me if I become problematic or just not fun enough. . . . It sounds to me like that feeling will never completely go away.