Our Baby Girl...

I would definitely go to court. You learn a LOT at court. What is the concern about meeting the bios? Have there been threats made to you by them? It has been my experience that even with dangerous bio parents, they don't seem to take action against the people who have their kid....especially if they see you as "nice people" who are treating their child well. Bring a camera - if they do show, ask if you can get a picture of them to put up in your FD's room. Even if you don't put the pic up now, you'll likely be glad you have it years from now when your FD (or AD at that point) is asking about her bios or asking about being adopted. I wouldn't tell bios that's why you want the picture but I would ask them if they mind you taking a few shots. You might also want to bring a pic of your FD for them. Someday, you might be very glad you have even a tiny bit of info about them to offer your daughter who will be insanely curious (aren't all kids?) about where she came from. I realize a lot of people have concerns about the bios knowing who they are...safety concerns etc. And I realize it's very different when you're adopting an infant who bios won't recognize years from now if they run into her on the street. But think about how the world has changed in the last 20 years as far as technology goes...I feel like anyone can find anyone if they try hard enough. And I really haven't heard much (on these boards or amongst my foster parent friends) about bios "tracking down" foster parents or stalking or anything...it seems to be a remote possiblity. If they don't show, you still might learn something you didn't know about your FD or the case. If they do show, the value in being able to tell your FD what color hair they had, whether they were tall or short etc. is invaluable. I have been getting medical info from my kids' bios for a while now....conversationally - "did anyone in your family have cancer, heart disease, diabetes?" I try to be subtle about it but it's really, really nice to be able to answer questions now at the doc's office and not just say "I DON'T KNOW" when asked about family medical history. Believe me - DYFS never seems to have family medical info in their files and the bios are often too young to have any real medical problems yet so any info you can get about aunts, uncles, grandparents could be valuable. If there's even a tiny chance you could get some from the bios, it's worth the risk of them learning who you are. At least I think so.... Good luck! PS - I don't think DYFS ends visits with bios until AFTER TPR. RU is never the goal when they are going for TPR but visits continue until rights are terminated. At least that's my understanding.

Absolutely go! Our boys came home to us right from the hospital and boy were things crazy. Who is going to visits, who are they exploring as family. We were both in "crazy mode" for so long beach without answers. If we did get an answer from their CW we would hear something different from our RW. Then- we started to go to court. From the moment we were in the HALLWAY we were meeting people such as the GAL all the other workers involved in the.case,etc... and answers were flowing. It also put the question of "who showed up" to ease right away. On top of all of that, if you get to see the judge (usually happens but.not all the time) he or she will be able to meet you and when they see this case, they will remember you and in our case-started pushing the division to close this case. I tell every fp, regardless of weather or not you intend to adopt, go to court. We truly are the children's only advocate-and that's our job. These are our kids, and from day 1 that's how we treated them Would you send your Bio child to court alone or to a doctors visit alone? No. For one, you want to make sure they are safe and two-you want to hear first hand the information, not the "telephone game". Remember, most of these workers.have way too many cases and the info.you get back may be.either.for the wrong kiddo-or a."I forget.. lets pretend to remember " versionAnd as far as your.husband.not wanting to.meet bios... I don't want to say this is the norm, cause it isn't- but when we met ours, they signed over rights. You never know what can happen at court! Sorry for all.the random periods and awful grammar-writing from my phone and it has issues lol. Ok-back to bubble guppies and their ADOPTED bubble puppy :)

Just an FYI - the kids don't go to court in NJ, ever. And you're not allowed in the court room unless you exercise your right to be "heard" by the judge (you need to request to make a statement if you want to do this). So you may spend a LOT of time in the hallways doing absolutely nothing and talking to no one (the LG won't know who you are unless you find him/her and introduce yourself). I find court information because I shamelessly overhear what is being said near me, I ask the CW what happened (he/she will usually fill you in on some stuff) and to meet and sit near the bios. Most of what I learn from court hearings is what I learn by overhearing conversations going on around me about the case and what I learn by asking questions of the bios and CW. No one really volunteers much info. If you elect to make a statement to the judge, you should let the court know in advance (tell your CW to tell the DYFS attorney) and be prepared to give your full name (and spell it) on the record while the bios are sitting right there at the table. Good luck!

Go if you feel up to it. Sitting in the courtroom hallway is where I saw everyone and got all my information. But if you decide not to go, write the judge a letter and include lotsa photos.I was always glad when I went to the courthearings, even tho I was nervous avout the birth parents. Nothing bad ever happened. It made them feel better to see me and to know who was caring for their son.

P.S. Another option is for you to go and leave hubby at home, if he doesn't feel comfortable.

Thanks, Everyone! The issue w/ Hubby not wanting to see bio parents actually has more to do with us thinking of ourselves as OUR daughter's parents, not with us worried that something would go wrong. It's for our own selfish reasons:)But thank you all, sharing the info with Hubby tonight!