How do you respond to meltdowns?

I think you have to adjust based on the kid's behavior and whether you think he/she can actually control it or not. Having ice cream available 24/7 would make everything better for me, but it's not reasonable or feasible (or a good idea). I think you have to teach kids skills about how to handle their own behavior, make accommodations in your own decisions to provide them what they can handle, and be ready to drop things if they're not working. For your son's meltdown, it sounds to me like a flippant response (see ice cream above) and my response would be "Well, we maybe could've gone to the park after we bought our groceries, but since you decided to have a meltdown, now we don't have time to go to the park. We still have to get groceries. If we have time tomorrow AFTER we (do whatever), then maybe we can go to the park then." For my kids, especially my attachment issued, sensory seeker, I try to consider what they could handle (I don't take them to plays or the theater or the ballet like many other kids their age) and only ask of them what they could do. If I know it is pushing their limits (but still within their limits), I have often said "We have to go shop for (Christmas outfits), and I know that's not your favorite thing. If you can do a good job then we can (get a toy from the vending machine) afterwards." Or we will go to do something that's really sensory stimulating before and then do something that's not as exciting later after they've gotten enough stimulation.

Thanks minibus. We didn't go to the park and we talked about going another day when he could handle it without having a fit (which is what he called it). He is just starting to be able to stop (most) a meltdown before it starts and tell me what he needs (ie it's too loud, I need a story, I need an obstacle course,etc. ) to help him feel better. I know it sounds flippant on the computer. He was still pretty shaken from his meltdown and asking why he acted like that, so it didn't really come off as flippant. It sounded like the park was somehow part of his plan to figure out what had happened. I have always been firm with the rule that you can't have what you want when you throw a fit but today it felt like I might have been standing in his way to really process what had happened. My son needs movement more than a lot of kids and you would probably have to know him for all of that to make sense. :) Thanks for the response.

I will often give my DD the stimulation I know she will need before we tackle a trip out somewhere that I know may take some time. Most days it's a quick 10 minutes on the trampoline while I am getting things together to head out. Also, for us, the life saver has been the Willbarger Brushing Protocol - just having the brush with me and allowing her to use it on her arms will ward off a meltdown long enough to finish the task at hand.

Billysmommy, thanks! We tried lots of movement before we left but a trampoline sounds like a great idea! Do you have one marketed to kids or just the regular mini trampoline?

Lovin - Thanks for the clarification. It would make sense that he might need some running around time before a more sedate activity. My kids (one diagnosed SPD and the other who is just plain active) are also like this.

First of all I think it is great that he is communicating what he needs. You have done an Awesome job at teaching him what he needs to sooth. My daughter is 4.5 yo. She still has some meltdowns but a lot less than usual. I don't use the park as something she can't have because it is a definite need for her. There have been times when I don't take her to the park because of the behavior when she leaves the park. That tells me she wasn't able to handle it. So, we work back up to going to the park again.One thing I do with her is keep her world as small as possible. The Queen can't handle running errands. I found this out when we had a 7 hour transition time to get in the car to go to Target. Sigh! So, I hired someone to run errands for me. We have worked up to a point where she can go into the store to grab a couple of items but that is all. We always go early on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Also, I put her noise cancelling headphones on her before we go into the store. She hands them to me when she doesn't need them anymore.As for how do I handle the tantrum, I just let her work thru it. Not much I can do at the time. We do talk later to find out what was going on. Most times she just can't explain it to me.

Thanks parenting! Getting out of the store was traumatizing enough that I didn't even want to try the park. It wasn't until we got home that I realized I had probably made a mistake. He doesn't usually ask for the park so the whole thing was kind of crazy. We'll try the park next time. Do you mind telling me where you got your noise canceling headphones? Something like that would probably make life a lot easier for my little guy.

I hear ya. I would have wanted to get home & regroup too. Yes, we have 2 sets of headphones. One stays at school & the other stays in the car. My daughter makes noise to cancel out noise at times. So when I ordered hers, I ordered a set for me too. Here is the link [url=http://www.envirosafetyproducts.com/peltor-kid-earmuffs.html]Peltor Kid Ear muff - Great Child Earmuffs[/url]

lovinlife - We used an exercise trampoline for a while and it did the job, but now that DD is 8, we have a big one. She would calm from just jumping on the small trampoline, but now with the big one she gets so much more - some days all the stimulation she needs. As for the park issue.... I never take away things from my DD that I know she needs, especially when SHE knows she needs it. It took me a long time to recognize the signs and realize that for MY dd it wasn't just about the "playing", it was all about the input she was getting (and needing!) Bike riding is also a big thing for us. Since my DD started riding to school every day, her school life has changed drastically. She gets the stimulation she needs on the way and is able to settle down once she arrives. Same on the way home - the days she doesn't ride, homework is a bear! And if you haven't tried the brushing protocol, it's worth trying. I was absolutely amazed! It gets more challenging as my dd gets older and doesn't want to appear "different", so we are always on the lookout for new tips and tricks...