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My husband and I are in our late 30's and have been talking about adopting a foster child for a number of years. God decided that I can't have children and we are both at total peace with that. We initially learned about all the kids in foster care who need homes on one of our local news stations and later looked up the website that had been mentioned. It broke our hearts to see pictures and read profiles and/or watch youtube videos of kids longing for homes. From time to time we still go on the website and have noticed that some of the children on there have been there for years.
One of the major reasons we haven't yet moved forward with the process is because we're afraid that we wouldn't have the parenting instincts that natural birth parents have. I was hoping that someone without birth children would be able to tell me what their experience was like.
I have finally requested an information packet from Bethany Christian Services, but I'm still really nervous wondering if we'd make good parents. Are we too old? Would the instincts you need to be good parents come to us?
I guess all I can do is continue to pray and know that God will ultimately lead us down the path he thinks is best...
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Being able to parent a child has nothing to do with biology. The act of giving birth does not automatically give you the ability, experience or instincts to be a good parent. Everyone is inexperienced when they start! Some are lucky enough to have had good models such as their own parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, or friends to emulate. Others learn as they go. Its the ultimate on the job training experience!
Please don't let fear of natural ability or inexperience stop you!
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No, you're not too old, you don't have to be a birth parent to a great parent, and wanting to be a parent is the first step! Just think that there are biological parents who weren't good parents and that is why their children ended up in foster care, so that theory is gone right there. If by parenting instincts you mean nuturing behavior, then do you see yourself as someone who is loving and nuturing or the opposite? Good parenting is learned behavior and that comes with educating yourself about what to do as a parent. Read, read and read some more. Ask for recommendations on books. Talk to parents whose kids are happy, well-adjusted and behaved. Ask questions on forums like this one. Spend some time in the church nursery, or volunteering at the local school. Don't let your age stop you from having the family you want.
My DH and I are in our mid/late 30's and also have no biological children. We have been fostering for about 3 years and are currently adopting one of our foster children.
Biology does not make you a good (or a bad) parent.
Something happened the day DHS dropped off our first foster kids. Somehow I just knew what to do. One was sick and both were scared. We all learned what is means to a family. I also learned to trust my instinct.
We are now adopting a 4 yo little boy and I can't imagine what life would be like without him and I can't imagine loving a child anymore.
First...let me just say to you, what someone(who had adopted twice already) told me when I was questioning our desire to adopt. God gave you that desire...without Him, you would not even have it. Try to let that sink in...I know if feels like that all originated with you alone...but, it didn't. It is a calling...He has called you. Are you too old? Mmmm...think Abraham and Sarah...or, just think of my hubby and I, I am 43 he is 53. We have two little ones that came as newborns and are now 12 and 16 months old...we feel younger than we have in years...it's all in the way you look at it! Will you have the instincts...um...yes, and what you don't have, you ask Him for...God is the ultimate parent...and HE wants to PARENT these kids through you...you are not on your own here. It would be my bet that there is a child coming...and no worry...what we consider procrastination...or delay...God already knew about, He has it all timed perfectly...and the child who needs you will find you at exactly the right time. Just keep walking through open doors and breathing. He will take care of the rest. (and feel free to PM me if you ever need another pep talk! =) )
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Exactly what everyone said. We have been matched with a little girl who was born in may...when i was 43. I am feeling ancient but realized both my gmas had their last babies at 43...one was my dad! So maybe that is a good omen.
If it makes you feel better, i read up so much on adoption but not much on infant care. One of the first nights my newborn dd was home she was hiccuping at like 2 am...i had a full fledged panic attack...stumbled downstairs in the dark...found the what to expect book and learned alas there was nothing to do for hiccups! Dd has somehow managed to make it to 7 yo! You really will be surprised at how quickly you learn! Best of luck.
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johnandcristine
We're going to go to the next Older Child Adoption Orientation Meeting at our local Bethany Christian Services office next week. I'm really nervous, but I feel like I just need to stop being afraid of the unknown and move forward...
Wish us luck!
hopefulandwatching
First...let me just say to you, what someone(who had adopted twice already) told me when I was questioning our desire to adopt. God gave you that desire...without Him, you would not even have it. Try to let that sink in...I know if feels like that all originated with you alone...but, it didn't. It is a calling...He has called you. Are you too old? Mmmm...think Abraham and Sarah...or, just think of my hubby and I, I am 43 he is 53. We have two little ones that came as newborns and are now 12 and 16 months old...we feel younger than we have in years...it's all in the way you look at it! Will you have the instincts...um...yes, and what you don't have, you ask Him for...God is the ultimate parent...and HE wants to PARENT these kids through you...you are not on your own here. It would be my bet that there is a child coming...and no worry...what we consider procrastination...or delay...God already knew about, He has it all timed perfectly...and the child who needs you will find you at exactly the right time. Just keep walking through open doors and breathing. He will take care of the rest. (and feel free to PM me if you ever need another pep talk! =) )
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