A question for Birth Moms

I have an open adoption. I love any pictures they send and I love the ones with him and his siblings and those with his parents. It gives me a glimpse into what is life is like I guess. As for letters/emails, anything they share is awesome. I love hearing they love him and all that. I just love anything they share.

One of my fave pics of Kiddo is of him taking a nap with his dad. It is the sweetest thing. My reccomendations include making sure the pictures are clear. I have pics where I can't tell Kiddo from the 20 other kids in the pic. Don't send the same pics repeatedly. If you have another child later, pics with new baby are great, but a pic or two of older child alone are good too. I have a whole series of pics where Kiddo is blocked by his lil brother and those are the only pics I got for several months.

I wish that my kids' adoptive mother could just treat me like a distant relative, or at least a human being. I can see pictures of my grandnieces & grandnephews on facebook, but I can't see pictures of my own kids? Why? I can help with children at church, but I can't see my own kids. This makes no sense. Just try treating her as if she's a human being who has some emotional connection to the kids but the situation prevents her from being more involved in their everyday lives- because that's the truth. She's not Darth Vadar or a cow.

Is there a way to ask her what her preference is? I used to just get single pics of my son in what was a semi-open adoption back in the day, but not formally defined. I only got 1 pic a year, sometimes every other. Over the years, however, his family would send pics as a family, and I liked to see them all together. I don't know if it would have upset me so early on or not to get family photos. My guess is it would not have. I also think I'd WANT to know you love your child very much and expressing that shouldn't be a negative. Maybe you could word it in such a way that shows you are considering her feelings, while still expressing your own thoughts and feelings openly. I don't really want to pry into your agreement, but I wonder why the pics and updates stop at 5 years. This, for me, would be emotionally devastating beyond anything, but I would not have realized that when I was first placing. I didn't have a formal agreement, and I was very, very fortunate my son's parents continued updates until he was grown (we are now in reunion). This was actually very unusual for the time I placed and the agency practices at the time, which only required a 6 month pic.

My adoption was suppose to be semi open... about the same as yours... with updates and stuff. I welcomed anything and everything. But unfortunately, they stopped sending photos, letters, communications. I was sad. I wouldn't have minded pictures of him interacting with family members. It would have just confirmed the fact that I made the right choice. Ronney

My adoption was suppose to be semi open... about the same as yours... with updates and stuff. I welcomed anything and everything. But unfortunately, they stopped sending photos, letters, communications. I was sad. I wouldn't have minded pictures of him interacting with family members. It would have just confirmed the fact that I made the right choice. Ronney

Up to 5 years is what she asked for, IDK why that time line. But I do not have to stop sending after that, I will continue. I know if i were her I would want it to continue.

Ladies, Thank you for your replies. I hope you understand I am just trying to be sensitive to her feelings so early in our process. I love this Lady, a Lady I have never met in person. The most we had was a 2 hour phone conversation. When we go back to finalize our adoption I think, I will ask if she would like to go to dinner with us. I would Love to have a picture of Her with Little bit.

Mine was a closed adoption, but I would have loved to have pictures of D with his parents and later with his sisters. I wanted him to have a loving family and pictures of them together would have been far better than not knowing if he was alive or dead.

My son's adoption was a closed one (only thing available in 1972)...but his parents contacted the agency when he was going on 14 and started sending me pictures of him. Some of my very favorite photos were those with his parents in them. At first his mom just sent pics of our son, and then the next year started sending pics of DS, his dad and their other son. I have a hunch that she thought it might be upsetting or something to see pics of her with DS. Fortunately the next year, she included a couple shots of her with DS, and I loved them!

Mandi812,I agree with JustPeachy. If possible, ask her what she would like. Does she want to receive pics with the family included or not?

I have to agree with the previous posters.l Open the lines of communications. It could be a little uncomfortable for her as it is for you. The only way to know, is to open the lines of communication. What is so amazing is (as a birthmom I can only speak from my experience) knowing I made the correct decision. To see the family interraction and to know the child is happy is the most important thing. So, just open the lines of communication. Just explain what a joy s/he is and how complete your family is. I would see that as reassurance. Also , at least from my experience... I didn't have any questions, but I would have liked to know I had the option to ask if I did, so perhaps reassure her that she can ask you, and that you are open to that. It sounds like you are extremely respectful of her feelings, and that in turn, will make her extremely respectful of yours (at least in my circumstance). This makes me so joyful to read this post, thank you so much for putting me at ease. I am thankful good luck and please check in and let us know how it is going. Namaste, peace, love and blessings.... Ronney K. Phoenix AZ

As a bm I love to have any information pictures updates, etc. Sharon how you feel is very important so that the BM feels a part of the process and she did the right thing.. just knowing that her child is enjoying your family and other things will put her mind at ease definitely tell her how much it means to you so she knows that her sacrifice wasn't in vain. I've had a rough time it was an open adoption but lately it's been very quiet but my son will be 18 in three years.. the very few and touching letters I've received and pictures mean the world to me but I know that he is safe and happy and enjoying his family which is something that I couldn't provide for him at the time.