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Hello all!
Been a lurker for quite some time, but haven't felt the need to post until now. I guess I just need a little support right now, and maybe some advice too.
My husband and I have discussed adoption for a while now, and after lots of careful consideration decided that we wanted to adopt a teen from the foster care system.
In Kansas, potential adoptive parents get sponsored by one of several agencies. We researched and finally picked an agency out a few weeks ago. We just heard back from them on our application to be sponsored and we were turned down.
It's so disappointing and confusing. We put down that we were open to 1 child, male or female, any age and that we would prefer a Caucasian. We can't take on a sibling group due to space and time, and prefer Caucasian due to the fact that we live in a rural non-diverse community and feel like an adopted teen would have a hard enough time fitting in as it is, let alone if they look different than everybody else. Considering the photolistings for the agency are about 1/2 Caucasian kids, we didn't really think it would be an issue.
We heard back today that due to our preferences, they won't be able to sponsor us moving forward.
I just can't wrap my head around being declined when I can look up 40+ kids on their site that fall within the preferences we gave.
I'm currently looking at the other agencies, deciding if we want to try to apply with them. DH wants to try to set up a meeting with the agency that turned us down. I'm not sure what he thinks we'll achieve, but I'm not convinced that is a good idea.
I knew there would be set backs, but to get turned down at the very first step is just demoralizing.
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I didn't do foster, but I have been reading on here for a while now So asking some questions that may give some ideas. What did you put in regards to special needs? Did you say anything about behavior problems? Also are you young parents? Do you have parenting experience? Some agencies may be reluctant to put teens with young or inexperienced parents. If you said no special needs, that would be an issue because most of the kids probably have special needs. I think it could help to get an idea of why they turned you down. It may be something you can change or negotiate or it may be something that is just a preference of that agency in which case another agency might have no problem.
We're early/mid-30s, so maybe a tad younger than most parents with teens, but not by that much. We don't have other children. The application didn't ask about it, but we have a lot of care experience with tweens/teens, one of which has Aspergers.
The application asked which special needs we were comfortable with, without giving specific examples or choices. We just stated that since we were new to the adoption process, we weren't sure exactly where our comfort level was, but we know that most kids will come with some form of behavioral and/or emotional issues and we were prepared for that. The only behavioral history that we stipulated against was a history of violence towards animals.
I guess that's why I'm so disappointed. I feel like we are pretty open to a lot of kids and are really in this for the right reasons.
I do appreciate your thoughts and suggestions. Hopefully we'll find an agency that is a better match. I'm debating about calling the social worker and trying to find out specific reasons, but I'm not sure I'm up for that quite yet. I'm a little raw still, and I want to make sure I can be a mature adult if I hear something I don't like or disagree with...
Call and find out why. You need to know why they denied you and if it is something that can be fixed, however I would still find another agency because I would think that if the agency was ethical and cared, they would have had some conversations with you before deniying your application. Something about it just doesn't sound right for me(with the agency, not you). You need an agency that you can develop a personal relationship with and not one that relies on answers on a piece of paper.
I did ask the social worker about the specifics of our denial. Their requirements for anyone wanting to adopt a child age 10-18 include agreeing to one of the following 3: willing to adopt a child with severe disabilities, willing to adopt a sibling group, or willing to adopt a child of any race. Her reason was that they have too many families looking to adopt. Doesn't make since to me as this agency has one of the highest rates of teens in group homes in the state, but obviously this is not the agency for us.
We contacted another agency. It was obvious that this is the agency we are meant to work with! Within about 5 minutes of talking with the social worker (who has also adopted teens out of foster care) we determined that she went to highschool with a close relative of my DH and thinks very highly of his family. We also figured out that she used to work with my aunt (who is also a social worker) and that we actually met several years ago.
We are already set up to start our PS MAPP classes with them in January. :cheer:
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