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we had to hospitilize my 14 yr old son last night as he continues to threaten us with killing us.
But last night when we called PES (emergency team) he went into the garage, shut the fuse and the house was completly dark.
he then turned it back on but he had a hammer in his hand so i called the police.
what a night.
the police told him he commited a felon and he can either go to the hospital or to jail.
Im heartbroken
Here is where it gets weird, i posted before about his xbox behavior and we have taken it away and then slowly bring it back if he earns it.
so again, it was time to get off the xbox and he did his usual 20 more minutes stuff. battle battle battle.
however, he keeps saying "if you only gave me 20 more minutes I would not be here (hospital) and that we over reacted.
he doesnt get the fact that we are not the ones that threatened us or picked up a hammer.
He keeps saying he is not angry that we are the cause of his problems.
I cant believe im going to say this, but im wondering if he may be a sciopath.
its like if he shot someone and he says "well, i shot him because he didnt give me the two dollars, if he just gave me the two dollars then none of this would happen"
he is 14 and i know they are self centered to the extreme.
I called the attachment institute, but i cant afford it and im hoping his insurance will cover it (he is on state insurance)
we have no idea what to do.
I have to bring him his clothes and i know he doesnt want to see me as its all my fault.
sorry so long, im venting away as im just so upset.
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Could he be a sociopath? Yes. Will any doctor confirm that at 14? NO.
Toss the xbox, he cannot handle it and you know it's a trigger. No, he cannot earn it back, it's gone.
How many murder threats has he made in the past? How many hospitalizations? Is there a therapist at all involved? Is residential treatment an option?
And I wouldn't bother arguing fault with him. I'd simply state, here are the rules, here are your choices. Threats are not okay.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It isn't your fault or anything you did. Change can only happen if he's willing to work on it. Not sure what state your are dealing with but if the insurance won't pay, sometimes you can request payment from the subsidy department for specific treatments for specific times. It has to be done in writing with good back up and they may say no, but worth trying.
Prayers and hugs. I agree with Lucy, toss the x-box, I would sell it to help pay the expenses that will be coming up or donate it to a charity that will give it to someone for Christmas. At the very least put it in storage somewhere outside of your home. (a friends home or relative or a storage locker)
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thanks all. The xbox is TOTALLY gone. bye bye.
my son is still in the hospital refusing to talk to us.
When i look at him, I dont even know who he is. WHen he hit puberty he became this mean nasty child. He was always so lovable and huggy and never had any problems.
The hospital is looking for OPT for him. He is still refusing to take any medication. This is the first time he has ever been out of the home. He never needed this level of care before.
First, he never actually dealt with the adoption, his brother has talked about it, but he has always never discussed it so i think that came up and his trauma has come up.
We talked to the hospital and they are making a referral to the New England attach institute.
Im at a point that this might be are best option.
I have heard that they make the child sit on your lap, which to be perfectly honest, not sure my son will do that so im not sure if this is something he is ready for, so we might not go through with it.
We are just at a loss. We are planning to have a household of 20 people here for thanksgiving and im at a loss on what to do with that.
1. I am in no mood for that kind of work.
2. my son who is saying "your not my real family" by having 'family' come for thanksgiving just might not be good for him or it might be, i dont know.
3. I have NO PROBLEM cx thanksgiving. i just dont know if its giving my son too much power as he reallyl hates seeing 'extended family' anyway.
Sloane,
Maybe I missed something in your story, but it looks like he's been hospitalized for three days.
I see your worries about him at home for Thanksgiving and what you should do about it. However, if he's still refusing medications, refuses to speak to his parents, and had made real homicidal threats, I can't imagine that he'd actually be ready for discharge HOME by Thanksgiving. I certainly hope they aren't planning to discharge to you when he still won't even talk to you!
As far as Thanksgiving goes, I'd do what you feel like doing. He doesn't even have to know (assuming he's hospitalized and not talking to you).
Meanwhile, please advocate for yourself and your son. He CANNOT come home in this condition. And outpatient attachment therapy can't be nearly enough for someone who is making homicidal threats and is big enough to carry them out.
From what you're writing, if I'm reading correctly, this looks like a kid who needs some serious help. I sure hope they don't send him home to you too early. Hang in there. Remember by advocating for your own safety that will also help him.
SloaneDo consider going to Attachment Inst. of NE when your child is safe to be at home. We have with our 12 yo daughter and it has helped. Your child does not have to sit on your lap.The focus is more about changing the way that you parent your child, about not feeding into your child's negativity, about truly taking care of yourself and your other family relationships so that you have the strength to parent your child with attachment issues.
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