Help! Post Adoption Agreement...

I think it would be a great idea. I'm sure you could find someone by then. Your right this is lifetime commitment you are making with these people. You should have your bases covered so you know what you want (only agree to the minimum) and then make sure you have an escape clause in case things are going bad.

We just finished mediation with my stbas's biomom We mediated without a lawyer. We were told that we could have a lawyer review the contract if we wanted. We chose not to and the contract we fairly straight forward and standard. In the end little guy's mom decided to walk away and go mia. The adoption will finalize (sometime in 2013) without an open adoption.

Chosen...i think you would be really smart to get your own lawyer...hopefully it will not be too costly. The state may want to jam things through to avoid having a tpr trial but you will be the one living whatever commitments are made. Good luck and i hope it goes smoothly!

If you do choose to use a lawyer - make sure you use someone who is very experienced with OA agreements in a foster/adopt situation. Otherwise, you will spend money on legal fees while the attorney tries to figure out what it all means. Does the child have an advocate? Not sure what state you are in - but the child's attorney or GAL or whatever sort of advocate they have should be able to help explain the terms. I have adopted from foster care with an OA. I am also an attorney and I represent parents and children in child protection cases (I'm the defense attorney when the state takes custody). The way most of these OA agreements are written are very biased in the adoptive parents' favor. In my state there are many clauses added in which give the adoptive parents the option to close the adoption if they want to. Most importantly, once the adoption is final - it is final. It doesn't matter if the players fight over the terms of the OA agreement after, the adoption is final. To be honest - I think the OA agreements aren't worth the paper they are written on. If you want to have an open adoption, you will find a way to make it work. If you want to close it there will be plenty of loopholes to jump through. and - I will add - I hope you consider being serious about your OA. When we signed our OA agreement we had every intention of using whatever loophole we could to close it ASAP - but about a year later we had a change of heart. We could have closed but chose to explore an OA - and it has been a blessing. Our son is more secure with his adoption because he knows his birth mom. He never would have had a chance to meet his brother without an OA. Good luck on your journey.

Thank you! I feel so much better about it. In our team meeting there were several people especially our FAD's therapist that was adamant about no contact with BM after the adoption was final. As a matter of fact the visits have been tapering off because she a no-show etc. If we had our way we would prefer it be a closed adoption. However, it seems that BM is only voluntarily relinquishing her rights to avoid the TPR hearing because she knows she would be TPR'd and then she would have no hope of ever having any contact with her daughter. It would be a shame if she changes her mind in the next two weeks. Because then it would go TPR and things would drag out. I just want a sense of permanency for everyone involved. Thanks again!

Thanks for your reply!

I have got to say to those not using a Lawyer . . .* in Indiana it IS a Legallybinding document* if you are signing it, have every intention of honoring as such* this affects deeply your life and that of your AC for a long, long, long time to come* if you think DCS has your/your child's best interest in mind . . . You are probably being naive* you ARE going to need a Lawyer to finalize, why not have one now?

Do you foster through DCS or another agency? Just curious. I did read that we are one of the states where it is an enforceable contract. We can negotiate and then sign it after we have a lawyer look over it, right? I am okay with going into a mediation and then having a laywer looking over it before we actually sign anything. TBH we just want to do the bare minimum possible. I'm just thinking it won't be enough for her and she won't agree to the terms. The darn what if's!!!! Why does my brain have to function this way?????

I have no doubt you can negotiate and then have it reviewed, they are sure to assure you how standard it all is, so dont cave to the pressure once you are there if you want to have it reviewed. I MOST definitely was a Dcs FP . . . . By the way. 6 years.An initial phone call is free, doesnt hurt to get the opinion of a Lawyer who deals frequently with DCS regularily, they will know what is in the Mediation "standard" agreement for your county.

In my area, FL, all foster/adoption is closed. We do have a verbal agreement with bm that she can visit my AD if/when she gets her life together. Basically I told her that 'when' she gets her sons back (currently fostering with me) I will know she has gotten her life together and look forward to keeping in contact. I doubt that will ever happen but I would be happy if it does.