Advertisements
She's 13 and it's been a year and a half since we've had her. She's always struggled with bedwetting. The problem is that doesn't take responsibility for the clean up. She is old enough now and we've been over the steps a thousand times. She knows exactly what to do, she just chooses not to do it. It aggravates me to no end. I am so tired of having the same conversation with her over and over. I've been patient, I've tried not to let it show how much it bothers me. She has to be reminded EVERY time she wets the bed of what she needs to do. And she always throws her wet pj bottoms on the carpet! She says she "forgets" but that's just an excuse. She just doesn't feel like doing it. She says it's not a part of her morning routine, well after 13 years, it ought to be a part of her morning routine! it's not something new! We've tried everything to get her clean up her mess immediately upon getting up in the morning but if I don't go into her room and check, she will just leave it, throw in on the floor until it dried and not wash anything. She will let it saturate all day and just continue to sleep in it. She won't rinse off in the morning either, she just changes into something dry. So now we have resorted to grounding her to her room until it all gets done and have her steam clean the carpet too. But that just puts her into full blown RAD mode. I've tried to be patient and empathetic and create a safe environment for her so that she is not embarrassed but now I think it's more about her RAD, controlling, button pushing, testing limits, etc. I now believe that she is doing this on purpose. I just can't understand how difficult this is for her to follow the rules of clean up. My DH suggested that she only get one mattress protector and one comforter that way she doesn't have a back up and can't just leave the wet set on the floor and do it later when she feels like it. I need some ideas on how to create a natural consequences that take the control battle out of it.
Like
Share
Have you discussed it in therapy? 13 (and 10, 11, 14 and 15) were rough years for my daughter and I and especially in the 13-15 age range we had lots of therapy sessions, alternating attachment therapist and family therapist each week (for a while I think we had both each week), and it was really helpful for having a place to negotiate.
Did your daughter get to choose anything about how to handle the situation? If there are rules imposed on her she might be rebelling against that (both in a RAD way and a 13 yr old way). Not to imply there should be no rules, but she might follow a process she suggested better.
That is so good of you not to shame her. My daughter used to talk to me in the rudest way, and I was so surprised after a few years when she started crying about how bad she felt about it and didn't want to talk to me like that and wished she wouldn't. I hadn't realized how out of control of her behavior she felt herself to be.
These kids have been through so much and so much work to heal.
You sound like an awesome Mom, not many would be patient and empathetic in that situation.
Advertisements
Yes. We've discussed it in therapy. It doesn't seem to help. She did it again this morning. She wet the bed on Saturday night and I had to confront her about it and make sure she got it done but she left the matress protector outside on the clothes line and did not put it back on her bed before she went to bed and wet the bed again. Tonight I will ask her to come up with a new plan for clean up. Her ideas are usually to wait until later, but that's not acceptable to us. My ideas would be to get up earlier so as to have more time to get it done, or take away the hair straightener so that's not a distraction in the morning. I swear I've about had my limit with all this. I am ready to remove the entire bed, and put in laminate flooring.
Vinyl may be good. For my bedrooms (due to dog having an accident) I got the vinyl that looks like hardwood. Its nice.
I have an adopted RAD daughter who is 11 years old. She can be difficult.
For the bed wetting, have you ruled out any medical issues? What about changing it around and rewarding her for the days that she does change her sheets? Then when she does not, ignoring it?
We had her clean everything last night and she was not happy about that. She tried to blame us! There was no getting through to her. We told her that she needed to come up with three ideas of things she could try so that this wasn't a problem in the evenings. By that I mean things she could do make clean up easier and help her remember to do it in the morning. We've already tried everything to stop the bedwetting and it's not about how much liquid she had or using an alarm or any medical issues. She came up with two and we told her that we'll see how that goes and if those ideas work. We want to encourage her to take responsibility for it. I have a dozen ideas but I can't tell her or she won't try them, the ideas have to come from her. We took away her spare set so there's laziness, she has to wash it or sleep in it. That's when the ignoring part comes in. When she had a spare set, she would just put the wet set on the floor and use the back up. And leave the mattress protector out on the clothes line for days and then she tried to blame us for taking away her back up so she peed the bed. But I tried to explain to her that it was her choice to start the wash late and not get it out there for it to dry on time. It cannot go in the dryer because of what it's made out of. Thanks for the suggestions and support! Keep it coming!
Advertisements
We have a 13 yr old daughter who was just diagnosed with RAD who also wets the bed. We have her wear depends at night and we also do not let her drink anything two hours before she goes to bed. Since we implemented these rules we haven't had any more issues. How are you making out now with your daughter?
She's 13 and it's been a year and a half since we've had her.
She says it's not a part of her morning routine, well after 13 years, it ought to be a part of her morning routine!