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Hello, here's my story.
I am a 24 year old pregnant woman. I have a 4 year old that I parent equally with his father although we are not together. The father of the unborn baby I am carrying and I were together for 4 months (and were friends for 2 years) before we got pregnant. When we got pregnant we were both THRILLED. Shortly after, he proposed and started our "happily ever after." Or so I thought. About 3 months in to the pregnancy, we sat down and talked that perhaps adoption was our best option due to our finances (or lack thereof- we work, but still struggle) We started considering open adoption as something we would do together, and would be together while working through it. A month after that, and about 2-3 weeks ago, one day he told me that he "just didnt think he had feelings for me anymore." He left, moved his stuff out (we were living together) and now for the last week has not responded to any texts or phone calls from me, even when having to do with the baby. He is medically Bi-Polar, so I am not sure if he is just going through a phase and will end up coming back or not.
In the meantime, I have looked into adoption seriously, as now this means I will be going it alone. With a 4 year old already at home, this will be EXTREMELY difficult.
About a week ago, my brother and his wife contacted me with an "opportunity." They have been looking into adopting a 3 year old boy (my 4YO is a boy, and this one is a boy as well) but because of the circumstances have discussed amongst themselves the wanting to adopt my child, since I have already been looking into open adoption. I come from a very strong family, and we are all very close, though in different states. I am in Florida, and his family is in Kansas. They are both GREAT parents to the 2 girls, 11 and 8, they already have.
I guess my question is, has anyone had this kind of intrafamily adoption? I am thinking it would be easier for baby if he grows up in the same family, and therefore I would be "Aunt" but we have all talked about how it would be open and he would know that I am his birth mother from a very young age, so there is no "big surprise" down the road.
What is your opinion on this situation? Obviously, ideally, I would love to keep him to myself, but at this point it would only be selfish.
Do you think that as a birthmother it would be easier or harder for me to place him with close family as compared to a couple I picked out from an agency?
Thanks for your responses!
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I think finances are the worst reason ever to place a child personally. That is a temporary issue and adoption is a permanent fix. I'm not trying to sway you from adoption, I just know it seems overwhelming and I know alot of women that regret their choice.
As for in family adoption, I have a friend that placed a child with her sister and it is killing her. She wishes she would have placed with someone outside her family.
Before you decide to sever your mother/child relationship with your unborn baby you owe it to yourself to fully research and understand the long-term consequences of such an action to both you and your child. Consider the effects of losing a sibling to your 4 year old. Consider how you will answer the questions your unborn child will have when he/she wonders why the older sibling was "kept" but she was given to others.
I agree with Belle that financial reasons are the worst reasons to relinquish a child. There are programs that can give you temporary assistance: WIC, TANF and low cost housing come to mind. Coming from a strong family is great! Can your parents or siblings assist you?
I don't want to make light of your situation, I've been through similar times. But they pass! Time goes by so quickly and before you know it both kids will be in school and you can go back yourself or focus harder on a career. My now grown daughters have no recollection that we ever experienced difficult times, though we lived below the poverty level for many years. Kids don't need stuff to be happy, they need love.
If in fact you simply don't want to parent another child then make sure you fully understand the implications of your choice. Also, and I can't stress this enough, if you choose adoption for your child, please put the name you choose on the child's original birth certificate and order a copy of it before you terminate your rights. After finalization in most states the original will be sealed and your child will be denied access to it. This is the only way to ensure he/she will have that important document.
I wish you all the best as you navigate this difficult time.