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11yr old 6th grader with ADHD not taking any meds. Since school has started we have had issues; not turning in work, lying to us and teachers. She has been present everyday of school, but is constantly not turning in work. Has a 504 in place. We are in contact with her teachers. Got a call today that she lied to her teacher after she was given a 2nd chance to complete last nights assignment. She will get a zero for the work since she lied. Got an email about the science project that she has known about since Nov 9th that is due this Friday; never knew anything about it. She comes home with her backpack and notebook. We obviously question about the day and homework. She has her phone taken away and is grounded from hanging out with her friends. She is suppose to have her planner signed by her teachers daily; will do it sometimes then fall of the wagon!! We have a therapy appt. set up for this mth. We are going to go in and talk with out her first. She has been with us since birth; she has the same personality as her biomom. Plays the victim every chance she gets. I know middle school years are hard; we went thru it with our oldest. But we are not sure what to do here....
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We used to have the same issues. Homework and classwork was NEVER getting done, and when we would help her do it all on the weekends, she would THROW THE COMPLETED HOMEWORK AWAY!!!!! So frustrating.
So, we stopped enforcing school- let the school deal with what happens at school. (Very hard to let go of at first, because you don't want them to fail, but the priority had to be our relationship). Now we spend the evenings bonding and hanging out together (no friends until homework is done ;) )and we have "desk time" each night. She can choose to do the following at her desk each evening before bed: Read, Write, Color, Draw, Homework, Organize her backpack, or Sit and do nothing. I sit and monitor nearby, and if she is busted doing something other than those options, I take the item, close the door and it's early bedtime.
It's worked VERY VERY WELL!!! At first she started continuing to not do any work, and was failing three classes. So I just said, "That's too bad. Well luckily they offer 6th grade every year!" with a big loving smile. And, boy did she pick up the pace! By the time report cards came out, she had just one D. Now She has all Bs and Cs, and is SOOOO close to having an A. She really has taken ownership of her work, and even though she often forgets to turn in assignments, she is working hard to write herself notes and make them up. It's HER problem now, and it isn't tearing us apart anymore.
Maybe it'll work for you too.
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why no meds? have they been tried? or has that not yet been an option? the reason i ask is that without the meds, my ADHD kid is a bundle of excuses, won't do work or loses that which he did do, and if he tells me the sky is blue i have to go check just to be sure.
the kid tells whoppers.
with the meds, i have an honor roll academically talented friendly child who has really deep conversations about things that are interesting to him. you know--stuff like Roberto Clemente and Helen Keller and what the treeline is on a mountain.
i know medication isn't for everyone, but sometimes it can help.
and i totally second Rue's thoughts. we do offer 6th grade every year and there's always room for someone who enjoyed it enough to take a second trip!
I know a family that had to take everything away from their child. Instead of taking things away when she did not do her school work, she was given time with those things when her grades became Cs. She went almost the entire school year with no access to any electronics.
This only improved her work ethic slightly, but it improved her behaviour tremendously.
She had been on meds; for about 4 years. She did not want to take them anymore as she felt the lack of appetite outweighed the positives of the meds. She is/was limited on what she could take b/c she can't swallow a pill. Needs constant reminders and totally plays the role of the victim in every aspect of her life; nothing is ever her fault.... When she does all her work she keeps an A average!!! That is what makes it more frustrating.
One thing my son's school does is have a daily planner that is signed off on by each teacher before heading home and then by us once we read it. That way the assignments are written down for him (and us). Forgetting is not an excuse and we can help him with his organizational skills while encouraging him to do his work. Yes, sometimes it still doesn't get done, but this system has really set him up for success in this area of his life rather than the failure ADHD brings.Maybe you could try to get some sort of accommodation like that added to her 504. I know it's been a real help for us.
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shy_bear
Having her planner signed daily is part of her 504, she doesn't keep up with it.
That is how she first lost her cell phone.