Question for moms of children with FASD

I am not a parent a child with FASD but I wanted to insert that a 2 vessel cord doesn't necessarily have anything to do with prenatal exposure to drugs/alcohol. While it is not common, it is not rare by any means. I am not sure to the percentage but I do know that it can mean nothing but it sometimes does point to problems with the kidney and/or heart. I believe that pregnant women are usually put under stress tests and have echo tests to determine if there are any issues with the internal organs. Do you know if this is going to be done? These tests will prove much more than just the presence of a 2 vessel cord. May I ask what kind of revised due date? Are we talking several weeks? I know that our birthmother kept floating back and forth between (July 20 and the first few weeks of Agust 2-3 weeks). Also how "old" are the prenatal records? I know sometimes ours lagged a few months behind - the record we received would be trumped by a doctor's visit she was going to have the next day or so... I understand completely about cold feet - it is so hard to put faith in the unknown. Our birth mother told us things in passing after the baby was born like "yeah the medicine I take for exzcema...." Um, medical records mention no medication and no exzcema. I also believe that she continued to smoke some even though she said she didn't. I say continue with placement and try to receive more information. Granted there are some things you may never know - I think some of the smoothest placements have moments. Breathe, take a moment. Hopefully more medical information will be available soon that can help calm your cold feet.

My daughter's birthmom drank, smoked marijuana, did cocaine, and used opiate & benzodiazepine (sp?) painkillers throughout her entire pregnancy.By some miracle, my daughter is completely fine. She's 4 years old, and smarter than most of her age mates. She is pretty high energy, but who knows if that is from the drug/alcohol use. We just keep her busy, and she's fine. She was a later walker (16 months old), and had speech therapy for a year between the ages of 2-3. She is (IMO) a gifted artist and crazy good with putting things together/spatial relations/logic. My son's birthmom drank for the first 2-3 months of pregnancy (that she admits to). There is possible cocaine use. He has sensory processing disorder and behavior issues. We recently discovered that a lot of his behavior issues were due to food intolerances, so he's a whole different kid on a gluten/soy/dairy free diet. He is cognitively on target with other 3 year olds, and vastly superior with his gross motor skills (think hopping on 1 leg at 2 years old, navigating monkey bars at 2 years old, he's hopping on a pogo stick at 3 years old, etc)My STBAS's birthmom also drank during her pregnancy. He has real delays. He is 28 months old, and his gross motor skills are along the lines of a 16-18 month old, and the gap keeps getting wider as he ages. His fine motor skills are lagging as well, he wears glasses due to esotropia and far sightedness, and has a lot of balance and low tone issues. He wears SMOs to help with the balance, and is followed by a neurologist, followed by genetics, and is followed by the developmental pediatrician. I guess the point of my post is, you never really know what is going to happen when a woman drinks during her pregnancy. I think you have to be prepared to handle the worst, but also realize that the child could have very minor or no issues related to the drinking.Good luck with your decision. FWIW, I would not trade ANY of my kids for anything, and would adopt a child who was prenatally exposed to alcohol again in a heartbeat. With my older 2 kids, NOBODY would ever guess their prenatal history, and with my youngest, only time will tell.

I would mention that many disabilities do NOT show up until school age. I would have bet money my 1 child was "perfectly normal" at age four --- but has been a very complicated child to raise and parent through school age. FASD is not a "slight" disability and it does range from severe to mild, depending on the area of the brain affected. You have to COUNT ON damage - but have no real way to predict what areas might be damaged. Sensory issues are common, so are sleep disturbances, cognitive issues (but hopscotched, meaning some gaps some areas of relative strength), emotional disregulation, etc 4 of my children were alcohol exposed prenatally - and although they are all doing AMAZINGLY well, it is not a journey for the faint of heart and you cannot go into it expecting your child will be "typical" in all areas. They might be, but chances really are with prenatal alcohol exposure they will not be.

Thanks for the responses. She is supposed to have another ultrasound in a few weeks and her due date was only adjusted by 2 weeks. I got more detailed information from the agency and now they are saying that she only disclosed drinking randomly during the first 4 or 5 weeks. Which would be common for anyone because you don't know you are pregnant. My worry is that someone could be afraid to admit what they actually did. She did test positive for Benzos and pot at around 4 months. So she had not stopped using those which worries me that she was still using alcohol. I guess all children are a leap of faith. We are going to continue with the match unless something else comes up.

I say this gently because I don't want others to think I am implying that bio moms are bad people but as our adoption agency director put it - most are "surviving rather than living." As I said in my previous post, our birth mother didn't report medication, minor health conditions - whether it was because she didn't want to be judged, didn't think it was important or got tired of filing out the medical questionnaire - who knows. You have to look at the big picture. You are correct, all children are a leap of faith - adoption, however, takes control out of alot of aspects - you can't control diet, lifeystle like you can if YOU were pregnant. If you have to be willing to accept the worst case scenerio. Are you going to be able to get to know the birthmom? I am certainly not judging but by the fact that she tested positive - our first (failed) placement, she denied using but the tox screen of the baby's urine should a cocktail of illegal drugs. Keep pressing for medical information and do your research. There are alot of strong women who know there stuff on these boards! I admire many of them...

I don't have prenatal records for any of my children. (Well, I have one bio child...but I don't think I even have my records from that time!) Any prenatal exposure to alcohol can result in issues for the baby. So much depends on how quickly the bio mom metabolizes alcohol (keeping in mind that it takes longer for the alcohol to metabolize out of the uterus), how much she drank, her general health overall, etc. Jensboys makes a great point; many of the problems that people experience due to prenatal exposure to alcohol don't surface until 'school age' (7, 8, 9...). Often the issues that do directly stem from alcohol exposure are not recognized as such, so that's something to contemplate for a moment. There are some good web sites to look thru. Any info you find that paints an uber grim picture is likely OUT OF DATE. Most sources now recognize that children with some form of FASD do well with early recognition of their exposure and early interventions for any issues that come up. [url=http://www.mofas.org]mofas.org[/url] is one web site that I can think of off the top of my head. [url=http://www.fascets.org]FASCETS[/url] is another.I have four children who were prenatally exposed to some extent. All the way from little/no documentation to bio moms that had to leave the hospital against medical advice in order to go get more drugs. It really is a bit of a crap shoot, and I adopted 3 of my kids knowing that. (Scary thought - now!) Birth moms disclose what they disclose and you are having to trust that they are including things that are very difficult to share. They may choose to under-report their drug or alcohol consumption, or skim over it altogether. One of my kids' bio moms actually made a comprehensive listing of the (many) and various drugs she used during pregnancy. One did not admit to any...but later admitted to X number of months of sobriety, and the child was X+ months old, so I'm thinking she used while she was pregnant. (And that child does have some issues that are likely related to drug (alcohol) exposure.) It has to be a choice you consciously make: either be willing to parent a child with some level of difficulty due to prenatal exposure to drugs/alcohol, or don't go forward with the match. That being said...knowledge IS power. The fact that you know there is some exposure gives you a leg up with this baby. You'll be able to educate yourself and be aware that some interventions may be needed for them thru their life. I think sometimes fear of the unknown is worse that dealing with what transpires. For us parenting children born addicted/exposed has been difficult. I'm a SAHM and devote much of my time to working out ways to meet their varying needs. I suppose it's "more work" than parenting neuro-typical children, but...I mean, what child doesn't require the utmost from their parents? What parent has it "easy", really? Parenting is difficult, no matter how you slice it! :D

I have adopted a sibling group and our children are FAS children. There are learning issues, social, emotional, etc. We are not positive about the oldest three having been exposed, but there are indications of such. The last two babies that we have (since being released from hospital) were both positive for cocaine and mom did drink and smoke. NOT ALL babies have issues. I also drank (when I was young and pregnant) and my son who is now 24, graduated HS, married and is "normal". So I guess it would be about how much is/was used while pregnant. Best of luck!

my oldest bio child had a 2 vessel cord, they told us he could have kidney or heart issues and maybe things that wouldn't beknown until after birth. like cleft palate, etc. his kidneys' were inlarged in utero, and they folllowed him very very closely. he was followed for 18 months after birth and declared healthy. he's never had a problem. i didn't drink or do drugs hank you very much. my adopted kiddos both have FAS, mom said 'i didn't drink THAT much, t wasn't my drug of choice....cocaine was my drug of choice.' as if that makes it better? and i contend that if you were smoking crack, you probably don't know how much you drank. and she did benzos and smoked pot while pregnant and while nursing...

I'd just like to point out also that most of the research on FASD has been done on kids who've gone through a rough time after they were born, as well. Abuse, neglect, placement changes, etc. So it's tough to say how much of it is actually FASD and how much is their postnatal experiences. If you adopt a kid with FASD at birth, the outcome could be a lot better than the 'typical' child with FASD, because they have only the prenatal alcohol exposure and not the postnatal adversity.

My DD's mom drank heavily for the first and third trimester (plus cocaine, pot, nicotine..) At nine, she's doing pretty good. math is hard. sometimes her logic is less than stellar. Her friends are not the ones I'd choose. Of course, this could be said about any 9 year old :prop: Like PPs said, I'm not in the clear. FAS has several ages where new symptoms can arise Like my guru, Barksum, stated (she is amazing! btw... helped me like mad when i started down this road).. knowledge is power. Knowing the risks, you can adjust parenting and help minimize the damage And.. you gotta make the choice to leap - or not.

Cometkitty - I'm going to give you another perspective. I adopted one child born with it in her system and exposed to (tons of bad things, benzo's, mood stabilizers, pot, alcohol, smoking, etc) she has SPD (sensory processing disorder, suspected ADHD and suspected ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) raising this kiddo is hard. You can get all the education and assistance available and it wont change the fact that raising an exposed child is just plain hard at times. Not always but at times. DD#1 was behind developmentally, speech, physical, occupational & special behavior therapist have made it so much better but it's literally a team of therapists who work together to get her where she needs to be. She's the light of my life, it's not all doom & gloom but she's challenging at a minimum. My DD#2 was a private adoption and the First Mom was a non smoking, non substance abusing individual and let me tell you raising DD#2 has been a joy. It's what I always imagined parenting a child should be. She's met milestones on time if not early. You can see a clear difference emotionally, she listens even at 1. It is just soo different. I wouldn't trade either experience but it hurts you deep deep down when your poor child has to struggle to do the things that most kiddo's do at that age without effort, it makes you resent the First Mom a bit and I personally had to deal with a lot of anger towards her. I just can't imagine doing this to a baby and I had to work through a lot of my anger. Yes you understand their circumstances and even mental health reasons behind the poor choices but when you see your kid struggle it hurts in a profound way. I think you really need to do a lot of self reflection to think about if this match is right for you or not. Its a truly personal choice and I'm sending you tons of support. Either way good luck and congrats!

Hi, my daughter has FASD, and she's had: Trouble feeding as an infant, almost labeled failure to thrive Reflux Sensory processing issues Bedwetting (even now, at age ten) Teeth development problems ( early teeth, two rows of teeth, prominent canines that will require orthodontics) Asthma, eczema, food allergies Anxiety Slow information processing However: Her cognitive skills are average She has not qualified for any special education services She is an amazing dancer and gymnast She has a great sense of humor She is the most loving little being Our lives would be dreadfully boring without her

Leatherette - Your kid and mine seem to be twins!