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We have been working with an agency to adopt domestically for about four months.
We have completed an online application and paid the associated fee, and an adoption education session and paid the associated fee.
Following this, we recently completed a second 'application' which included: a check list entitled "Considerations Regarding a Child"; a detailed questionnaire; a program checklist (which covers 'salient points' about the program); Rights & Responsibilities checklist; and an "Understanding & Agreement" contract-like document.
We mailed these last five documents to our agency; they responded that they wanted photos of us and our home; we sent those.
Then they responded with an email stating "Your application is currently being reviewed ........." but then in the next paragraph of the email said " We want to let you know that for the past year we have been only accepting applications from families who are open to non-Caucasian children".
This is the first time we have heard about this as a factor in their application process; it is not mentioned on their web site, their application, any of the paperwork we've received from them, it was not addressed in their education session. We cannot tell if our application is being considered or not; or if we are being asked to automatically accept this caveat so that the process can move forward.
We now feel defensive about our desire for a Caucasian child and are willing to admit that we may be coming from a place of inexperience about raising a child in a transracial environment; however, we feel that this ignorance comes from a place of concern, that we could not provide said child with appropriate cultural experiences experiences which this agency emphasized the importance of at their own education session. An education session that did not provide any cross-cultural competency training.
Further, they state in their program checklist (which one must sign off on) that unless we accept a child who meets the stated criteria in the 'Considerations' document (the document were we must now indicate we are open to children of other races) we forfeit our matching fee and will be terminated from the program. The 'Considerations' document does not give the option for choosing Caucasian or non-Caucasian, just the typical race categories are listed.
We are feeling forced into accepting something we are not comfortable with. Do we continue to work with an agency we feel acted dishonestly (on purpose or by miscommunication) and we have lost a certain level of trust with? Or, are we over reacting and just naive and this agency is asking us to accept an inevitable reality, and we should continue to work with them?
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One of the three agencies we were considering required us to fill out a questionnaire about race, exposures and expenses we would be open to when we put in our application and paid a small fee to get on the books for an info session. About 3 weeks prior to the info session they sent us a letter that said they expected all families to be open to some race other than Caucasian. We were not. At first I felt defensive and upset but then I realized if that was their requirement, they weren't the agency for us. I would have demanded my money back had I paid anything more than the $50 pure screening fee.
In the long run, I am glad they had that requirement or we wouldn't have met our son's birth mom, which was the PERFECT match for us and which resulted in our most amazing son.
If you don't trust your agency, I would find another one. There is way to much that can happen or go wrong in adoption to always worry that the agency isn't being upfront with you.
I would also ask for my money back. Don't be defensive but explain it like you did here. Tell them that had you known their position on race before you started you wouldn't have wasted their time or spent the money.
Don't let anyone make you feel guilty over your decision. You are the only ones who know what you can and can't handle.
Good luck!
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I don't think you need to feel defensive. Adopting transracially is a big decision, and not something you should do if you don't feel comfortable with it. The agency I worked with will not accept families who are only willing to adopt a Caucasian child; they explain that this is based on wait time, and that it wouldn't be okay for them to accept new families with that restriction when other families have already been waiting 2+ years. However, they are upfront about this and have it listed on their website.I would not work with an agency I didn't feel I could trust. There is so much anxiety and stress in the adoption process that you need to feel like your agency is there for you. I think it is inappropriate for an agency to have you pay for an education session without telling you their requirements. Actually, I think it is a little shady that they have you pay for an education session before they have accepted your application period. I would definitely talk to them about your concerns about this.
Thank you everyone for the insight. It is very helpful - sometimes in this process I'm not sure if I'm over reacting to things or not. I think we will be moving on to another agency. We are aware of wait times for Caucasian children - which is one reason we indicated we'd be willing to consider drug exposed and mental illness cases. We also feel we might be able to handle a trans-racial placement with the right support, resources and planning; but unfortunately, we no longer feel that this agency would be capable of providing those things. Thanks again, and good luck to everyone.