Need help with problem almost 13 year old girl

Wow-I'm sorry you're facing such a tough situation with your young cousin. It does sound like you've looked through a lot of options in handling her behavior. And, it's funny you mentioned downloading The Connected Child because I was about to suggest that. Have you had a chance to read it yet? I know it sounds like it's just for adopted/foster kids, but I've heard a lot of therapists recommend it for kids in general who don't respond to traditional discipline methods or come from difficult backgrounds. Of course, I think that a therapist is your best bet for getting to the bottom of your cousin's behavior. Perhaps if you're not having luck with this one it may be worthwhile to see if you can find someone who specializes in attachment issues? Not sure if that's the case with your cousin or not, but just a thought. Well, I'll be praying for you as you try to figure out whether your home is the best place for this young girl.