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I gave my son up ten years ago. I knew adoption was the best but had no idea of the stuff I would go through with the adoption agency and the aparents. Right now I am at the point were I want to through my hands up. The agency I went through was supposed to be all about and for the birth mother. What a dang lie! I was told for the few months that I talked to them that they only had semi open and closed adoptions. I got to the point that I didnt want to talk to them if they would not do open adoption. they kept calling and emailing and writing so i finally went back to them and found a what looked to be nice looking catholic family. I have the little book they put together for birth moms to look at and everything. Anyways, I ended up meeting them after I gave my son up. It was about two months after. They didn't bring him because I knew I couldn't handle that at the time. They told me I could meet him later that year. When I asked the agency to ask them around 10 months old, they didn't get back to me till a few days after his first birthday telling me that they had said no and that since it was past his first birthday there was nothing i could do. They then also told me that they do and did have open adoption, they don't know why I didn't get told. But once again since it was after his first birthday there was nothing i could do. Now I have a 6 year old son and 3 month old daughter. I found out a month after I had my daughter that my mom has stage 4 lung cancer. I wrote them about this and asked if my mom and my son could meet but after three weeks they said no because of his age and what would they tell him if she died then. Well what are they going to tell him when he wants to know why he never got asked if he wanted to meet her before she passed? I feel like they are not asking him how he feels and what he wants. I also feel they are not telling him about me. Why can't he write me a letter? and so on. I am so upset right now. :hissy:
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I am so very sorry you were lied to...just like other thousands and thousands of birth/first mothers have been lied to by the adoption agencies and lawyers. The agencies very rarely are about "being all about birthmoms." Once the papers are signed, there is no obligation for them to provide you with any type of support, no matter what they verbally told you before you placed your baby.
I wish things were different...but I've heard this story way too often. It happens every day to first moms. I'm sorry it happened to you. :loveyou:
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From what I can understand about all this; it seems that these agencies and those who profit from this will only stop the practices of deception if there is a penalty.
In my mind "privacy" is a factor in how they get away with this. If the birthmothers who have been told one thing could get together and file a class action suit against one of the big agencies it would set a precedent.
Children are not products to be profited from and neither are the birth parents. However, the business of assisting people who can't have children is extremely lucrative for those engaged in the process.
I can relate to the situation of being hostage to secrecy. It is one of the most frustrating, cruel acts and to be deceived into thinking that you would be able to have contact only to find it was a ruse is criminal in my mind.
It's fraudulent to state something and not follow through and the fact that there is money involved makes it a criminal act. Never mind the fact that the birthmothers financial situation is often a factor and used to put the woman in a state of duress.
I am sorry to hear of all these situations. But they are more common than they should be. When women step up to the plate and see they have some power in that agencies can and will be held financially accountable the practice of deception will decrease.
Maybe placing an ad in a major paper asking for women who have been dealt with the same agency will help those women to get together and make changes.
wigurlinal
...asked if my mom and my son could meet but after three weeks they said no because of his age and what would they tell him if she died then. Well what are they going to tell him when he wants to know why he never got asked if he wanted to meet her before she passed? I feel like they are not asking him how he feels and what he wants. ...
I am going to try to talk to a lawyer to see what I can do. I would love to do a law suit against the agency because I feel totally lied to and done wrong. They keep telling me that the family could cut off contact and all this if i ask for to much or just ask much period. Wow, then do you know how my head would feel wondering what they have to hide??