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Right now I just really need someone to talk to that can relate to me in anyway with what I'm going through. In three days (the 16th), it will be my twin baby girl and baby boy's first birthday and they were obviously put up for adoption because my boyfriend and I thought it would be best for them to have the best life they can have.
I mean, they're both always on my mind every single day anyway, but lately it has just been overtaking absolutely everything that I do no matter what it entails. I just really have no one to really talk to about it other than my mom, boyfriend, and my best friend...but I honestly feel like I have talked their ear off and I know that none of them fully understand the pain I'm going through. I know my boyfriend is experiencing pain as well, but being the birthmother, I feel that the pain I am feeling is way worse than anything that anyone else I could possibly talk to could understand, unless, of course, if they have gone through it themselves.
I have just been crying my eyes out every day, multiple times a day....my mind races, I wonder if they're okay, what they're doing, how they're progressing...granted that I have an open adoption, which I am forever grateful for, there are stipulations that apply and I am now only getting updates on them twice a year. I just wish I could pick up the phone and call the adoptive parents, email them, anything...I just hurt so bad and I don't know what to do right now to cope with it. I have been able to keep it under control before and cope with it, but now that their first birthday is getting closer....everything seems to be unraveling and I can't control it..
If any of you can relate to this at all and have any tips or are just willing to talk or whatever...please, please, please post, message, or whatever else.
I could really use someone right now..
Thank you.
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Could you possibly email the parents and ask them for an update? We have a semi with TJ's first mom and if she ever requested an update to assuage her fears I would gladly send her pictures and such so that she felt confident that he was happy. I would just explain to them that you are going through a rough patch and it would mean so much to you to see a some photos.We don't have a scheduled update plan. I just send updates and pictures via email whenever the mood strikes. Usually it's when something fun is going on or a milestone but I guess I send something every couple of months. Hopefully you could work toward that and you would get updates often enough to help you though the tough times.
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I think most of us who are birth moms will tell you that the time around the birth dates of our children are difficult times for us. It's not as rough for me now, 40 years later, as it was when he was one, but it's still there, even though I have been in reunion with him for 7 years. The good news is that it does get easier. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk.
Based on wishing you could call or email, I take it you have a semi-open arrangement with contact through an agency or lawyer rather than direct contact?Either way, I don't think it would be inappropriate to make your feelings known and ask if it would be possible to get more frequent updates. Is there a reason that it's only twice a year, other than that's just what was originally agreed upon?We feel blessed that our son's birthmother wants to receive updates. She had originally stated she wanted no contact and no updates, but changed her mind at the hospital. We agreed to four updates per year. We use Picaboo to create books for these, but also send "informal" updates in addition to this for Christmas and for her birthday and that of her other children. We want to do this because we consider her family, not because there's a contractual obligation. If our agency disbanded tomorrow, we'd continue doing it directly with her (we know her last name... hopsital staff weren't very careful). I don't know your situation, but perhaps the adoptive parents would similarly be pleased to have more frequent updates? Maybe they think that's all you want?We've also created a page on Shutterfly to share pics and videos with friends and family. We upload pics about once per month. Our birthmother doesn't have internet access so it doesn't benefit her right now, but hopefully in the future. You're obviously online, so perhaps you could mention this as an option? I'm not going to trivialize your pain by pretending to understand it. I know I can't. I hope you're getting pounded with PMs from other birthmothers right now to offer the support that only they can give.
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