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I have always known that I was adopted. It never bothered me, I don't remember being told, it was just never a secret in our house. Until I had my own child I never really had any desire to contact my biological mother. It would have been handy to have a health history etc. to give the doctors as "I don't know, I was adopted" was getting old. To make a long story short, I recently contacted my biological mother on facebook. I also made contact with a biological sister. I have mixed feelings about it now though..... I don't like the idea of them claiming any attachment to me or my daughter by calling me "daughter" or "sister" or "niece". I also am having a hard time with them referring to my daughter as "granddaughter", etc. Has anyone else had this happen? It was certainly nice to be welcomed but I think what I envisioned as just feeling out the situation quickly turned into her telling her entire family that I had made contact and they now want contact in turn. Has anyone else dealt with this or am I being completely irrational?? Maybe I just went into it without a clear picture of what the outcome might be.... Any other viewpoints from fellow adoptees who have made contact would be appreciated. Thanks!
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HSumey,Everyone has different expectations about reunions. It sounds like your b-family is entering into the reunion at high speed, and you want it to go slower. Reunions can be overwhelming. You may just want to tell you b-mom that you want to go at a slower pace because it is overwhelming to have the entire family clamoring to meet you.You're not irrational. Personally, I would have no issues with my b-family calling me their daughter, granddaughter, niece, etc. But, that is a personal choice. I don't have any suggestions on how to talk with them about being called daughter, etc. I think that is a difficult discussion to have so early in the reunion. And, I have no experience with it. My biological parents refer to themselves by their first names with me.The road of reunion is bumpy. Buckle up! It may take you some time to sort out what exactly you do want, and what you want may change with time.I don't know how you can
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You aren't irrational. If you don't want them to call you that, what about suggesting that they just call you by your name?
Also, it might help you deal with what they've called you so far if you know why they're doing it. It might just be that they're really excited to have you in their lives (as opposed to it being same kind of claim or obligation). It could also be that they assume you'd want to be called that. Do you have a sense of what they might be thinking?