questions about racial differences

I'm sorry you have been affected by the new policy in Russia. I'm sure it's very frustrating and disheartening to have to change course now.I did not adopt internationally, but I did adopt transracially. My son is African American. There really is a lot to your question. There are many things to consider when adopting across racial lines and it's great that you are asking these questions. In preparation, my partner and I took some classes on transracial adoption and listened to some adult adoptees talk about their experiences. From them, we learned about the importance of making sure our child would have a lot of good same-race role models and support. We had to get comfortable talking openly about race and skin color - something a lot of us who are white don't get much practice doing. Raising kids of color in a predominantly white area really can be a problem - I know several families who realized as their kids got older that it was too hard on them and they needed to move. My son is now 5 and is very open about preferring parks and play areas where there are a lot of other kids of color. Fortunately, we live in a very diverse area, so this is easy for us to find. As a first step, I would suggest that you visit the Pact website - [url]www.pactadopt.org[/url]. They are a wonderful organization that focuses on the needs of adopted kids of color. They provide a lot of support and education for transracial families and prospective adoptive parents - including book lists, classes, consultations, and even a family camp every summer. They also consult with parents who are trying to decide if this is the right decision for their family. The people who run the organization are good people with a lot of integrity and experience. Their board includes birth parents and adult adoptees as well as adoptive parents. So that's a great place to start finding some answers. And keep posting questions here, too!Good luck.

Oakshannon gives great advice. When adopting transracially, you really have to try to see your world through your potential future child's eyes. Who will he/she see at school, at church, when you go to the local park or store...who comes over for dinner? When you asked about how to prepare, I'd suggest that you think about what you're willing to do to make sure your child has people around who look like him/her...are you prepared to move to another community, if necessary? Are you comfortable stepping outside of your comfort zone and being in situations where you might be the only of your race so that your child can have experiences with others who look like him/her? It can be uncomfortable for us as adults to be the "only" in situations, but it's what we often are asking of our child if adopting transracially. The experience can help us to 1) give our child experiences that are healthy for him/her and 2) help us better understand on at least a small scale what it can feel like to be the "only." I didn't adopt internationally (our son was born just an hour away) and our agency does not consider our adoption transracial (I am CC but my DH and son are AA, so in our house, I'M the only! :) ) we are lucky that we live in a very diverse community and our son sees all different kinds of people and all different kinds of families. I'm not sure, though, if I still lived in my home town (and wasn't married to DH) if I would've adopted transracially. I don't think it's a community that would've been best for my son-no matter how open I was... Good luck in your process...there is so much to think about, and like Oak said, it's great that you're asking these questions.

My partner and I were lucky as we did not get very many rude remarks from our family or friends about our children (who are Asian, Biracial and Czech and we are African American). Our friends are mostly Asian, Caucasian African American and biracial lesbians or transgender women- so they didn't care about our family structure. However, we did agree that if things became too out of hand, we would move to a different area and limit the interaction with family members. In my experience, our family was very supportive but they were concerned how two Asian and European girls would fit into a African American lesbian family. With strangers, 90% of the interactions are positive as most people are just curious about our child's origins. We are very open about our family makeup but we guard our children's personal information about their birth families to respect their privacy.We didn't really do much to prepare ourselves because we don't know of anyone who has our family structure. Two of our children came to use via embryo donation and in that community, transracial donations are rare and a bit taboo because many parents do not tell their children they were conceived through embryo donation. When we adopted our second child - who is biracial, we were told by the social worker not to worry about racial issues because biracial kids are just like Black kids- and I completely disagree with that statement but I kept my mouth shut during the home study ;)However in your situation, I would recommend that you make your environment more diverse. Have good friends that are African American. Do this before your child arrives so its less awkward - no minority wants to be seen as a diversity token. Learn about Ethiopian customs, traditions and celebration by reading books about the country and perhaps the region your child comes from if you know it. If you enjoy cooking, learn to make Ethiopian food or if you a movie buff, watch movies made by Ethiopian directors with Ethiopian actors or listen to music with Ethiopian singers speaking in Amharic. If you attend a church, temple, or mosque - make sure it has a good amount of children that share your child's ethnicity. I would also talk to your children about their heritage the moment they arrive. Keep it balanced and talk about the postive things about their culture and some of the more difficult topics. We do this with our children by reading books and watching movies about Chinese, Czech and African American culture. Attending events about our child's culture around the city and arranging playgroups with families that share our children's heritage is another thing we strive to do. When your children become older, they will ask you questions about their origins and I think you should answer them as honestly as possible but keep them age appropriate. [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27WntzBFl8s"]Watch this video[/URL] on YouTube and answer the questions as honestly as possible. Beth Hall really does a great job breaking down what you can expect when adopting transracially.

I adopted transracially (though not internationally) and I live in a predominantly CC area, which I don't see as a problem for me or my child. However, it depends on what "predominantly" means. Yes, there are far more CC than AA folks in my community (he's the only in his daycare, but there are also only 8 kids). My son will probably be one of three or four AA kids in his classroom in elementary school. There are about 1/2 dozen to a dozen minority kids at my synagogue (however, we are a small synagogue, so percentage-wise it may actually be higher than the community at large). In many ways, I want to move back to my hometown. I would love for my son to be near his grandparents, and I could use their support. However, "predominantly CC" for that town means maybe 1/2 dozen adult of color in the entire town, and possibly a dozen kids of color in the school, and that does not seem like a healthy choice to make for him. We have AA friends, friends who have adopted transracially, and he sees AA adults in professional positions (ie. his dentist). People have given really good advice. I'd definitely think about everything people have said, and check out the resources. I'd also think about the idea of adopting transracially with two CC kids in your family. I would not adopt a CC child at this point, because I wouldn't want my son to stand out as the only person in the family who was obviously different. I have gotten enough comments (not mean ones, but still) with just the two of us, and it's definitely important to think about what a child's experience would be like in your family.

I agree with pp. IF the plan is to adopt more then one I would suggest to adopt children that look the same, whatever colour that might be. My AS is biracial cc/Aa and so is my STAD. I would have NOT taken her if she would have been cc, because I don't want my son to feel like he is the "odd " one.....nobody will ever question if they are "real" siblings kwim?

I have three transracially adopted kids, now ages 17, 19 & 23. We live in an area with a very small black population. It's not just the neighborhood, or even the town, it's most of our state and the state we are just 20 miles south of. There have been a few problems, but I'm not so sure that we would have been more protected from them if there was a larger black population. I have always sought out others with families like ours. We used to have lots of get togethers, so our kids could play together and we could talk. The kids have always been friends with the other black kids in town, but not necessarily close friends. That depends on interests and personalities. I felt like it was extremely important for me to understand African American history and culture. I've passed as much of it on to my kids as I could, including my white kids. Before my health got so bad, I used to have a Kwanzaa party on New Year's day, and invite all of the black and multiracial families in this area. If you adopt from Ethiopia, there will be unique aspects, because of the specific culture that your children will come from. I would study the culture and the history, in depth, and share it with the rest of your family. That's a good thing to do while you are waiting. Good luck!

I have three transracially adopted kids, now ages 17, 19 & 23. We live in an area with a very small black population. It's not just the neighborhood, or even the town, it's most of our state and the state we are just 20 miles south of. There have been a few problems, but I'm not so sure that we would have been more protected from them if there was a larger black population. I have always sought out others with families like ours. We used to have lots of get togethers, so our kids could play together and we could talk. The kids have always been friends with the other black kids in town, but not necessarily close friends. That depends on interests and personalities. I felt like it was extremely important for me to understand African American history and culture. I've passed as much of it on to my kids as I could, including my white kids. Before my health got so bad, I used to have a Kwanzaa party on New Year's day, and invite all of the black and multiracial families in this area. If you adopt from Ethiopia, there will be unique aspects, because of the specific culture that your children will come from. I would study the culture and the history, in depth, and share it with the rest of your family. That's a good thing to do while you are waiting. Good luck!

While in the US, ours probably wouldn't be considered a transracial adoption, it is considered that where we live. The point is always what a particular society sees as "the dividing lines." We live in a terribly race-obsessed society and there is a lot of tension, even though the racial minority is tiny and it is nearly impossible for us to find diverse areas. I read everything I could find in the US and elsewhere about transracial adoption and I thought I had a good handle on it. (Okay, I thought we'd be "fine.") When I talk to African American transracial adoptees, they say that the issues sound very similar, even though we live in a different country with different racial divides. Only 4 years into it, I know that it is much harder than it looks. I don't regret it for a moment but I am glad I knew what I was getting into. And I'm glad I am well stocked with racially diverse books and media and that we travel to the US, where people are more diverse every year or so. I also no longer feel that adoptive parents who rule out transracial adoption are somehow bad. In some cases, they just know that these aren't issues they can meet well enough. So, I my advice is to get as much information as possible, even to the point of burying yourself in the subject, get to the point where you think you have a good plan of action. Then, the reality will still destroy your plan and shake you but it won't be a complete shock.