I'm considering adoption

Fallingstar, Hopefully some moms come along later to offer you support from a been there standpoint who can offer you real advice. Kind regards,Dickons

Please search and read blogs by adoptive persons. Many adopted people are not happy at all with being adopted if their mother was not a substance abuser or was not someone who would abuse thier child. Some of their angst is that they lose their biological identity. They cannot obtain their OBC's. Many love their adoptive parents but do not love being adopted. I think you can (as many of us older birthmothers never had the information) see it from an adopted person's point of view before you make such a life altering decision for you and YOUR baby. I think necessary adoption is a good thing. But uneccesary adoption may create a life long trauma for baby and mom. Please read "Primal Wound" and educate yourself as much as possible before you make your decision.

I feel for you and remember the thoughts that ran through my mind when I found out I was pregnant. Have you considered anything or talked to anyone yet? Do you have one close friend who will be a good listener, a neutral supporter? If you decide on adoption, I would seek out an agency where the social worker handling your case would be available. Maybe they have a birthmother's support group? I could not find anything when I went through my pregnancy 25 years ago! It's so important you receive positive support throughout your pregnancy and as you go through your adoption planning.

I feel for you and remember the thoughts that ran through my mind when I found out I was pregnant. Have you considered anything or talked to anyone yet? Do you have one close friend who will be a good listener, a neutral supporter? If you decide on adoption, I would seek out an agency where the social worker handling your case would be available. Maybe they have a birthmother's support group? I could not find anything when I went through my pregnancy 25 years ago! It's so important you receive positive support throughout your pregnancy and as you go through your adoption planning. Its important you tell your parents, but what's the rush. I would not do anything that will back fire on you. You've received some good advice so weigh your options. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here as are so many others who have been through this. Just don't let any one tell you that you are "giving up" your child. You are making an adoption plan! That terminology carries a lot more weight! Because it is a plan you will be making! A lot more heart and soul goes into this decision. :flowergift: :flowergift:

just be aware that adoption can be a life long sentence, for adptee and birthmother.

This is a difficult one for me to answer as I was pressured into surrendering so surrendering is the most painful experience of my life. My son has had a good life but he has issues with being adopted. I like his adoptive parents so I do believe that it's nothing personal, he simply has abandonment and rejection issues. I have friends who have surrendered and are comfortable with their decision. The have their bad days but they deal with it because they have semi open adoptions. There are no black and white answers to this so it is a good idea to read and search out blogs by mothers and adoptees.

Fallingstar: I read your post and I do know what you are going through. I have been pregnant 5 times and have had an abortion & a miscarriage. I have made an adoption plan for my son it will be 8 years ago on the 27th of this month & I am raising or trying to raise 2 of my children. When I was pregnant with my son 8 years ago I knew I DID NOT want to go through another abortion and I wasn't too sure about adoption at the time but I knew that the relationship and financial situation that I was in at that time I couldn't take care of another child (I already had my son who was 5). I spoke to an adoption agency just to get some information in case I did choose adoption and they sent me all the paperwork & profiles of couples waiting to adopt. I didn't like any of them so the agency just kept sending me new ones & I went back & forth until I was about 7 months & I actually said that if I don't find a couple that I like, I'm just going to keep my baby & I came across this couple that I immediately liked & then I knew that making an adoption plan & allowing this couple to raise my child was the right thing to do. I go back & forth even now between regretting my decision & knowing I did the right thing for my child. It is hard to explain the feeling but if you choose adoption you will just know it's the right choice when you find the perfect family. It helps to have someone there to talk to whether it's your parents, aunt, cousin or best friend. I am here anytime if you want to talk. If I don't hear from you, I wish you & your baby the best of luck & whatever you decide to do remember you did because you love your baby!!

Hi FallingStar76. I read your note and hope that you are doing ok with whatever your decision is. My partner and I have just been through the homestudy process on the flip side and I've read so many birthmother stories, so my heart goes out to you. I know it's not easy. Just wanted to send you lots of positive energy. I think with the right understanding and nurturing parenting, children of adoption can celebrate both their biological roots and their adoptive roots. Also, there are tons of adoptive families who are really open to maintaining the type of contact that you might prefer. Love builds a family. :)Whatever your decision, I hope you have peace and health and lots of love around. Take care. Kat