extended birth family issues that make me want to go ugh

Gmarie, I've had a couple of instances where birth family members have expressed not so nice opinions of my afamily. And the same with afamily about bfamily. Like yours, these families are different in the way they interact and discuss things, form opinions, and have never met. Really most of the opinions have been formed by stereotypes, and hatred of that stereotype - they've never met or even talked or typed! So any article, picture, comment, whatever that falls on one side of the thing at hand is going to tick one or the other off. LOL I guess it depends on who's or which sore spot it poked. One of my bfamily members wanted to confront my aparents, in person, about their opinion of his father, my bfather. He wanted to explain, defend, how his father was a good guy, not a dead beat, which I had done. Done deal. He had no idea what their opinion even was, he just assumed. A natural sore spot I can understand, but I couldn't support him in being so angry about it towards my aparents. Not how I had envisioned their first meeting LOL especially when it was at my daughters wedding. I basically threatened his life in the nicest way possible. Well, at first, then it got not so nice at all. He forced it and he found out what it is like to have a very nice/mean big sister.:Chewie: My aparents are in their 80's and good people, they don't do conflict. They don't discuss politics, religion, etc., especially at dinner or an event! That's just how they are, and lately I've been thinking it isn't such a bad way to be LOL But then again, they discuss things, get angry or find disagreement, stop discussing, then move along like there was never a conflict and never mention it again. There is no resolution IMO, no chance of understanding, it just gets swept under the rug as indifference to grow a fungus. I don't like that at all. There was no way I was going to allow this conflict, it wasn't necessary, it wouldn't help anyone. This event was about someone else, not either of them. I talked with him privately about it, on and on and on, we yelled, we said horrible things, I mirrored his behavior, which was not good! Eventually we found the end of it. I think it just took more talking and time than I am used to, or have done with anyone else. My husband and I argue forever, we say everything, we do well at it. But some of our conflicts don't seem to have a meeting point, they will live on forever and ever for the paradoxes that they are LOL I think we like to challenge each other too much, which can be a good thing to keep a balance sometimes, sometimes not so much. But this was different somehow. We're good now, he feels better, I feel about the same LOL, we understand each other better, it's water over the bridge. Maybe he finally felt like I heard him, I don't really know. I guess what I am getting at is I learned a different way of arguing or solving a conflict too. I'm not sure how to explain it. Is there ever an end to your bfam's disagreements/conflicts? How do they do it? You might have to figure out how to argue (or discuss, or not discuss!) their way to put an end to it. To learn how to play their different game for the conflicts to ever end without having to walk away. Does that make any sense? It took me a while to see how things worked with my bfamily. It was just different, same sort of thing, just different. I'd like to think I've taught some of them a different way to. It sure did seem like more effort than needed to me tho.:laundry: ugh, is right.