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A few weeks after our Christmas visit with maternal bio grandma (on another thread), I received an unexpected e-mail. It was an e-mail from paternal grandmother. Keep in mind we have had absolutely no contact with bio dad or his family. Bio dad is incarcerated and we had no information on his family. (Children's Division did not either-so they never pursued his family as a potential placement.)
Anyway, the e-mail stated they were never aware DD was in foster care until a week before she was adopted. That the bio parents did not keep in contact with them, etc. She went on to tell me that she has another grandson about DD's age and that DD gets her hair color from her. She said she was sad about the situation but also happy that DD was in a loving home and she just felt she needed to let me know.
I wasn't sure what to think about the whole thing. I gave it a couple days to think about and then replied to her. I told her DD was doing well and that I was glad to know more information such as she has a cousin about her age and where her hair color came from. I did also ask for photos and medical history as we have nothing from dad's side of the family and would love to have information to share with DD when she is older. I never heard back from her. Did I ask too much too soon?
But then again, something seems odd because I checked out mom's FB page after Christmas and lo and behold pics from our Christmas visit were on there. (provided by her sister who was at the visit.) There were also pictures on there from my blog. I figured they would eventually find that, so it didn't surprise me they used those. And there were also comments on bio mom's posts by the paternal grandma (who sent me the e-mail a couple weeks later.) Turns out the paternal grandma has been friends with mom on FB this whole time. I didn't realize it. So now I am wondering if she really did know about DD being in foster care and why she would lie about it. And then, what is even stranger, not long after I replied to grandma's e-mail, mom took all of the pics of DD off her FB page. (DH or I did not contact FB about it.)
Maybe I am just reading too much into everything and it's all a big coincidence? I don't know, but I was hoping I could safely get some family info for DD and that I somehow blew my chance. Should I e-mail her again or just leave it alone? We know nothing about this family or if they are dangerous or anything. I know bio dad is not good news and will not have any type of contact with DD even after he gets out of prison in a few years. But I realize that doesn't necessarily mean the rest of his family is like that, but I don't know them at all.
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Sounds like they all know a lot more about you and the situation than you know about them.
Your email response sounds just fine. Grandma might need time to mull it over.
Can you do any more research to find out what's going on?
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I would leave it alone and let them pursue you. If they want contact or would like updates they should contact you again. You did the nice thing and gave them a kind email reply. It may also be that she doesn't check email all that often.
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I don't think you asked for anything out of the norm and if she was scared off so easily she probably didn't need to have contact anyway. I think you're fine. I wouldn't bug them. Wait for them to come back to you.
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i'd wait awhile before contacting again. it is possible that gma found out about the grandchild and THEN became friends with mom to see how things were going? maybe like a post finding out there's a child and that brought them together? idk
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Our contact with birth family comes sporadically. I think that I would let her contact you again when she is ready but don't give up on gaining information about her paternal family. I worked on my kids bfamily for 2 and a half years before getting pics of my son before he was placed in foster care. She ended up giving us 60 pics and even his ultrasound. It was worth it. Also reminding them the day before a visit helped to because they always said oh I meant to bring those pictures for you.
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Thanks all!
I am going to leave it alone. I will just tuck away the contact information I have and even if we never hear from them again, I will have a starting point if DD wants to pursue it when she's old enough.
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I was just coming over here to ask the very same thing!
We were contacted last fall by the agency who said that our son's bio-aunt and grandmother had called them looking for us. I was thrilled, b/c I knew about both of them (have met BG) but didn't know how to contact them and was told they didn't want any contact. Now BAunt (who is very young) wanted contact with her nephew. She is starting a family and wants the kids to know each other. Great. They don't live close, but not so far that we can't visit once a year or so.
So I sent pics via email and let her know how happy I was for him to know that he has other family, and that I really hope his bio mom is okay (she had a very rough time after he was born with both mental and physical illnesses and I have no idea how she is recovering). BAunt gave me a vague answer and I wasn't sure what else to say.
So I asked for any info she might feel comfortable sharing so that my son could know his whole "story" or at least more of it than I have. I got no response. It's been months and I went back and re-read my email a few times to see if I'd said anything too pushy or offensive. It didn't seem like it, but maybe she's offended that I'm asking about Bmom instead of just fostering a relationship with her and her family? I have no idea what the relationship is between Bmom and BAunt but obviously there is at least some contact. I feel terrible, but don't know where to go from here.
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Adding my "me, too" - we have contact (and visits) with Cricket's adult bio- sibling. It seems we do this dance, much like wcurry's other post, too, in which there is narrow window of communication that actually fosters the relationship. Too much, and I get excuses, or invitations into drama which is unhealthy for C. Not enough, and we hear nothing. I've tried to gently ask for photos from day one, since Cricket has no photos at all, and we've only received one in which he is about 1/4 inch in the shot. It's tough to find the right balance.
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