semi-open and agency closing - ongoing communication

Go for it!

I'm with Belle. My only question is, Does the "service" censor what you send or do they send letters on unopened?

Ruth, Do you know for a fact they didn't want to know who you were, or was that the agencies definition of what semi-open means? Even if it was their wish - time has a way of changing things...especially in such a emotional act such as adoption. Did the agency advise if they contacted the first parents? Did they give them any options to consider if you didn't want to use the new service - such as direct contact or awareness that the semi-open may close due to their closing? That lack of control in this type of setting must drive you nuts. If you do decide to use the service but want to give your email address - perhaps word it in a way like "I wanted to update you with my new email address so you always have an emergency contact for me" - something that the service will think was pre-existing so it does not get censored. Alternate idea is if you are on Facebook could you mention it in the letter that you created a private page to document the milestones called (whatever name you use to refer to your child to them) so they may go there? (you can create one with no real stuff on it) If you do that though - make sure you check on a regular basis your "other" message box that holds messages from non-friends that people don't realize exists. Do find out where your agencies files are going - another agency or to the state and who the contact or department is. Sorry this is happening to you. Kind regards,Dickons

Thanks for the replies. I don't have any more information besides that they are closing and this is the service that will provide the communication. It is driving me nuts. I sent an email to the agency asking for more information, but since it was after hours (and they are in Texas, so hours won't start until 2 hrs later there than here) I haven't heard anything back. I asked, specifically, if they would forward my email to his bparents and where the files are going. I didn't think to ask what they had told bparents. I worry not only for us, that things won't work in getting information through, but about how many people will choose not to continue sending updates now that we have to pay for a service to do so. I know that other people's situations are not my responsibility, but I really hope that this doesn't happen to people. Another question. I actually know his bmother's last name. It was left, supposedly accidentally, on some of the hospital records. I recently met another amom who used the same agency and had the same experience, so I'm wondering how accidental it really was. I've always felt uncomfortable with my knowing her information without her knowing mine, but the agency does censor communication to ensure no identifying information, so I wasn't sure what to do about it. I have found her and bdad on Facebook, so I know there is a way I could get in touch without the agency, but I don't want to invade their space. Does that make sense? I like your idea, Dickons, on how to send the email address in the update through the service. I will definitely try that. I also like the facbook page idea. I would be happy to have them know my regular facebook page, but I'm not sure how to as subtly let them know about that. Thanks, again, for all the input. Who knows, maybe this will end up being a good opportunity?

Just wanted to update - I heard back from the agency, who had called C's bmom to ask if direct contact was okay, and she said she was open to that! They are passing along my info, and I hope to hear from her soon (I still don't know how to reach her, so I still can't control anything, but I feel better that she is the one in charge rather than a third party).

That is great news! I think you need to see this as not something that either of you control but something that you work on as team.

Just to clarify, I am not using "control" to clarify the relationship or what the communication is, but the ability to communicate.

Eek. Need some more advice from any of you ladies who might have some for me. My contact information was given to C's bmom a few weeks ago, and I didn't hear anything so I sent a letter through the agency on Monday with my information again, just to make sure she got the correct info, and an brief update, since the agency closed as of today and I wanted to make sure we could connect. The agency apparently asked her, when they sent the letter, if it would be okay to give me her contact information as well, and she had them give me her email.I am super excited about this, but now that I have a way to contact her, I am terrified, too. I'm afraid I will say the wrong thing, or get in touch at the wrong time, or somehow do something that hurts her or is intrusive. I just sent the letter through the agency - is it okay to email her soon after? Or should I give her space? What do I say? Any advice? As hard as indirect communication was, I think now in some ways it was a little easier because I didn't have to worry if I didn't get a response and I wasn't trying for 2-sided communication, so it was just narrative. Sorry if I sound like a teenager stressing about calling a boy she likes, but I could use any thoughts anyone has.

Ruth, Send a test email to confirm you have the right email. Tell her you wanted to make sure it you had it written down right before you lost contact completely with any agency employees. Ask her in the email to respond back to confirm the address is correct as soon as possible - just a you have the right address reply. Inside the email ask her to sit back and think about what will make her comfortable with this new process that you can do, and sometime in the next couple of weeks to let you know her thoughts and suggestions about that, and any ideas for the future that she might have because you are open to it evolving if she wants it. (of course if you are open to it) Take care,Dickons p.s of course this is just my opinion not based on any experience...