Tired of having been adopted!!!

Its tough to really say that I'm "tired" being adopted but in some ways I can understand exactly what you mean. I'm 25 and its extremely frustrating for me at times. To know a decision you didnt even make has so many consequences that you and those around you have to pay for. Its extremely frustrating. However, something about each of us being adopted has shaped us into the men and women we are.. and I know as adoptees we are still good men and women. Its a matter of taking the bad with the good. On one hand I think the determination that I have within me came from being adopted however so did my instant detachment from anyone and anything. See...The bad with the good.

Why are you tired of being adopted? Is it all the secrecy, not fitting in or just not feeling a deep connection with your adoptive family? What is not normal to you? With me it was all the secrecy....I was told I was adopted when I was 5 and it was never discussed again. As a teen I question my race and heritage and it was brushed under the able. I could talk about adoption with friends and co-workers, but not my own family. Plus the fact that I am nothing like my quiet, conservative, non social parents. Nor do I look like them either. I wish I had a bond with my parents but I don't, wish I had a bond with my 2 adopted brothers but I don't, well my younger brother and I are close and can talk about just about anything. I have wondered about my bio parents since I was in my teens. I have finally found my bio parents and I am still a dirty little secret. So once you find them you may learn more about yourself, but then you have another set of issues with your bio parents. It's just never ending. Just know that youre not alone and many of us adult adoptees are going through the same issues as you. Try therapy that helped me sort through some issues.

I am tired of being adopted because I need my family. I want to go home, but I don't know where home is. Star light star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may I wish I might....

Just want to thank you all for your ideas and your support. I have come quite a way since first posting here toward healing from my adoption pain. Ms. Sheila - I think it is the secrecy that still bothers me the most. Definitely. :( Kimbergsp - You are right ... make the most of what you have is very good advice. :clap: Arkitek_PHarris - If not for the bad we might not recognize the good, eh. :flower: Tankeryanker - Your post reminds me of one of my favorite songs "Somewhere Out there!!!" My wish is we can all find inner peace regardless of the circumstances we are faced with and keep on keeping on. So .... :thanks: Posts are very slow to come in on this site, glad to hear from you all.

Hey would like to chat if its ok to you but I'm looking for live chat rooms for adopted ppl to so I can find out if how I feel is normal is about being adopted

So is how I feel normal

OMG.. so i thought it was just me.. im 43... all i long for is some sense of normal... i don't know who i am, who i look like, any siblings, ect! my life has been one screw up after another..abusive relationships, no self worth, wanting to just disappear. i want to know where i came from, my nationality (pretty sure italian but don't know) i think about it every day, fitting in and being normal. i realize now, and i figured it out last night as i lay awake, that all my rage, anger, hopelessness, and bad decisions stem from the fact i had no "mother" till i was 6 months.. so 6 months without love, affection, bonding, the whole scenario...so now i will pedal backwards to day one and go from there . i need to complete the puzzle..i need closure.. I NED TO KNOW WHO I AM....:confused:

OMG.. so i thought it was just me.. im 43... all i long for is some sense of normal... i don't know who i am, who i look like, any siblings, ect! my life has been one screw up after another..abusive relationships, no self worth, wanting to just disappear. i want to know where i came from, my nationality (pretty sure italian but don't know) i think about it every day, fitting in and being normal. i realize now, and i figured it out last night as i lay awake, that all my rage, anger, hopelessness, and bad decisions stem from the fact i had no "mother" till i was 6 months.. so 6 months without love, affection, bonding, the whole scenario...so now i will pedal backwards to day one and go from there . i need to complete the puzzle..i need closure.. I NEED TO KNOW WHO I AM....:confused:

Adoption is not easy. It takes courage and an understanding about how to deal with long term grief and loss.I can't speak for all adoptees, all I can do is to share what worked for me.What I found was that once I stopped sharing my story, I became an equal. Adoption to most people is only something they've heard about. Without knowing your story, there are no grounds to treat you differently. The 2nd thing, was to journal my story. This takes time and is a difficult struggle, but in the end you gain strength and you feel as tho you know the demons.I don't share my story primarily because it's very long, and convoluted. And 2ndly, I never really thot anyone would have any interest in it.As an adoptee, from the closed adoption era, I don't want any pity, or want to garner any support because I'm an adoptee.I want to be an equal with the rest of the world and ask only that regardless of the pathway I came up, that they respect me as they would anyone else. Because of adoption, I am not "unique," or "better than," I had to learn how to live with non-adoptees. The grief and loss only keeps me "different from" others, and it is always up to me to sort it out.It seems to be easier as we gain experience in living.I wish you the best.

Hi Julie, welcome to the forum.I am a male adoptee and I share your feelings of " being tired of adoption."I felt the same way because it was tiring to continuously go thru the same experiences, and waiting for people to accept what you said...some got it, some didn't.Rarely do people history come up in a casual conversation, so unless there is a reason to open the door on adoption, I stopped doing it.Immediately, I became an equal and no longer an outsider. I just stopped mentioning my adoption story and no one asked.If there was a reason for it to come up, and the door on it was opened, then I shared some details of my story. In sharing a story most people only want to know a few details and that ends it. But in that short talk if the door of adoption is opened, you lose your status as an equal.There will always be a few that know, but unless something new comes up, they don't give it much thot.I wish you the best.

Hi Julie, welcome to the forum. I am a male adoptee and I share your feelings of " being tired of adoption." I felt the same way because it was tiring to continuously go thru the same experiences, and waiting for people to accept what you said...some got it, some didn't. Rarely do people history come up in a casual conversation, so unless there is a reason to open the door on adoption, I stopped doing it. Immediately, I became an equal and no longer an outsider. I just stopped mentioning my adoption story and no one asked. If there was a reason for it to come up, and the door on it was opened, then I shared some details of my story. In sharing a story most people only want to know a few details and that ends it. But in that short talk if the door of adoption is opened, you lose your status as an equal. There will always be a few that know, but unless something new comes up, they don't give it much thot. I wish you the best.

I'm tired of being adopted as well but, for me, it has nothing to do with other people. It's all about things like the word "mother" and trying to figure out exactly who that is. It's "family" and what does that mean in the context of my life? It's being unable to trust and love other people because so many important life bonds were broken by adoption. So, yeah, I'm tired of all that and just want to be "normal" ..... :( .

I often find myself thinking the same thing. I was raised to feel that I should be nothing but grateful for being adopted into a family. I feel guilty thinking that I don't want to be adopted anymore (or ever). I feel shame when asked by a doctor or nurse about family history. I know my family history but it's not real, not part of me and my biological history. I find myself feeling jealous at times of my siblings, they are biologically linked to parents and each other. I often find myself feeling that I don't have a place, not really; I'm just the grafted branch on the family tree. It sometimes is very lonely, but knowing that someone else has the same feelings and that I'm not "crazy" for feeling the way I do, helps a lot. Thanks for Sharing!

I am adopted and I have wanted to be a non adoptee my whole life so what does that tell you . I hate that I cant have birthfamily or housing, birthfamily is very important to have there is not much you can do without them ,my life has not been very good due to not being allowed to have birthfamily I also don't get along with non adoptees

I am 50 years old and I have wanted to be a non adoptee my whole life what does that tell you and I am adopted