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Some of you are familiar with our story. 9y/o ds adopted at 6. Dx with FAS about a year ago and a more recent dx of RAD.
We've just begun, on the most basic level, Heather Forbes' Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control methods of dealing with problem behavior. Until now, lying was our biggest headache.
About the same time we started with BCLC, 3 years after the adoption is finalized, ds decides it's time to start peeing on the floor. He peed in the bathtub once and in our bathroom once all over the place, and since then, daily in the laundry room.
Talking to him doesn't help. We asked him why he was doing this and one time he said it's because everyone here hates him (as evidenced by having to get ready for bed before he wanted to, and having to do chores like everyone else around here) and one time he said, "I guess I just wanted to be a brat." This is FAS reasoning.
This morning his face looked distorted. We've seen the expression before. It's like someone took all his facial features apart and put them back together incorrectly so they don't fit right. Does that make any sense to anyone?
So from a BCLC standpoint, what's our approach? I know shaming, talking, scolding, punishing doesn't work. I have been making him clean up the mess but it's such a disgusting behavior that it's hard to act like it doesn't matter to me. It's hard not to react. It definitely matters! If he's trying to push me away, it's working.
The neurologist is offering Risperdal. I'm seriously considering it.
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My son's challenges are way different, not behavioral, but the Risperdal has made our life so much easier.
He mainly got on it for anxiety but the dr felt it was appropriate due to his other challanges. I cannot believe how much it helped. He has been on it for a few years now and it makes him a little tired but he says it really helps him. I notice his behavior in more 'normal' and his grades are awesome. Prior to the medication his anxiety was really hurting his grades.
Is he on medicaton now?
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DaisyDay
If he's trying to push me away, it's working.
The neurologist is offering Risperdal. I'm seriously considering it.
I'm not really up on my BCLC methods, but I think I am right to say that the point is that you should not be pushed away. You need to use it as an opportunity to connect with him. Perhaps you should work side by side with him to clean up the mess, all the while telling him how happy you are to have the opportunity to spend this time with him because doing a hard job with someone is what really makes people connect. Then if he doesn't want to be with you he'll stop and if he continues then you can (try to) take it as him asking to spend time with you.
My experience is that you'll never get anywhere by asking a kid why he did it. He probably doesn't really know because he can't connect the dots from his primitive emotions up through his actions. All he can do is spout off some reasons he has learned tend to satisfy adults or get something from them. Even so, I continue to struggle to remember not to try, especially with the older kids.
And the Risperdal... If it is RAD then it won't work. If you try it and it works then it is not RAD.
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gsxr-mama
Is he on medicaton now?
Yes, he's on 30mg of FocalinXL in the morning and 10mg in the late afternoon.
jeffw said, "And the Risperdal... If it is RAD then it won't work. If you try it and it works then it is not RAD."
jeffw, that may be one of the ways to tell if we really are dealing with RAD. The FAS symptoms overlap with the RAD and it's hard to tell which is which. His little alchohol-damaged brain comes up with all sorts of distorted logic and off-the-wall behaviors and it skews the overall picture.
My main stressor is trying to figure out what triggered all this. I guess he's always used pee to control others to some extent (always needing to go at the worst possible moment--he declared a pee emergency while I had him with me in a voting booth one time :mad: --or when someone else is in the bathroom) but he wasn't doing it on the floor until recently. Something set him off but I'm not sure what it was.
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Nothing to offer except to say
I am so sorry you are going through all this. We have been there. It's hard. Take care of yourself.
If it helps at all... our kiddos have stopped this all together. (the last time was this past May) Now their bathroom actually smells GOOD! and not like pee pee. They stopped when I stopped reacting to it. The poop all over the tub sent me off the deep end :eyebrows: So I started letting my hubby do "doody duty" He can do it cool as a cucumber. "Okay, clean it up." He says in a monotone voice. Then he walks out and goes back to check. Usually they had to do it over about 4 times before he gave it the all clear.
I wish I could do Heather Forbes. I tried, I really did. One day I will gather the strength to try again. When I am not pissed off to the max. :rolleyes:
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Oh, and if he is ADHD, remember that impulse control is a major issue. They do not predict or even take a nanosecond to try and predict the consequences of their actions. So, it is not surprising that a child with ADHD, when exposed to trauma, drug or alcohal exposure and abuse can become a "perfect storm" of behaviors.
Comorbidity is a .... really difficult thing to handle
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Daisy - First of all HUGS!
I agree with JeffW.
Have you seen Heather's most recent enewsletter? Here is the link [url=http://www.beyondconsequences.com/enewsletter/vol7-issue2/issue2.html?inf_contact_key=a2d0458a003610ca1adfc93669b0f199226eaac16ee7c86947f70b311a29fa7]eNewsletter - Vol. 7 Issue 2[/url]
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I'm not sure if pee or poop all over is the more annoying. I will say that mine cooled off that behavior when I quit caring. It took me months to retrain myself to honestly not care, but when I accomplished that, it was no longer worth it to him to undergo the consequence-- clean up, wash your stuff out in the toilet (if poop) and take a cool shower (not cold but not comfortable warm).
As for the face changes-- I never saw that in our kid, but my husband did several times. It really creeped him out. He ended up being re-homed (for many reasons, not the pee/poop situation) before I decided if I thought it was more dissociative vs spiritual in nature.
Just fyi, we had no reason to assume ETOH exposure but our kid had an extreme case of RAD, PTSD, etc.
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saranbr
I'm not sure if pee or poop all over is the more annoying. I will say that mine cooled off that behavior when I quit caring. It took me months to retrain myself to honestly not care, but when I accomplished that, it was no longer worth it to him.
My, what a world we live in with these kiddos! There was a time when your statement would have shocked me or maybe would not have even computed in my brain! And yet, it's true and it makes sense. :( Who would have thought it?
I seem to have met with some success on our pee issue. I'm using a reverse reward system. I told ds that every time I find pee--even 1 drop--ANYWHERE, that his brother would receive a red poker chip. 5 chips=1 ice cream for brother. (The look on ds's face was priceless!) Since this is clearly a control issue, I gave him control over whether or not his brother got treats. To date, no pee since we started almost a week ago. :cheer: We'll see how that goes.
Thanks to everyone for your comments!
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Check out Christine Moers' blog at: [url=http://www.welcometomybrain.net]welcome to my brain . net[/url].
She has a great sense of humor and lots of advice on dealing with RAD kids.
She also has a song about pee. I think you'll love it.
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