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High friends!
I am really in need of some help. Having tough time to manage with my 4 years old son.
Let me explain you my problem first.
My son never listen to me what ever I ask him to do or not to do.
He does not share his toy's with anyone and instead he takes other kids stuff and shows his ownership over them.
His tone of talking is not good at all when ever he wants his own way. Due to that my temper also goes up and i slap him right away and I insist him to do what I say..and I also shout on him u can say preaching...
some time i work on his attitude, i try to be calm, talk about his problem with him listen to him...try to explain him...for the time being he behaves gud and promiss me to behave properly but after again when the situation comes he behaves the same.
Another problem is which is very crucial for me to come out of it is that I live in a building where two other families live which are very close to each other and obviously their kids too.
every evening my son wants to play out side with their kids. which I can not stop as playing is an important part for kids.
my son and she have bike too and my son try to follow her but she dont like it and say do not follow me, and my son gets angry and shout. I know he just wants her attention but she like to play with the third child which is very close to her.
Please friends suggest me something now what should i do...really need help of yours.
Garima
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First of all, I want to acknowledge how difficult it is to open yourself up and ask for help. Your willingness to look at things differently is really important. I'm going to try to be very gentle in my advice, and I hope it is helpful.
Some of this is normal toddler/ preschooler behavior. Kids that young have emotions rampaging all over the place, and they don't have the social skills or maturity to understand why they can't have something if they want it or to communicate well. Kids also mimic what they see/ hear from others. What does he hear from you and from others? One of the best ways to help kids learn to communicate the way you want them to is to model it. It sounds from what you posted here that you might not be modeling the best skills for him:
It sounds like you are trying to do some good communicating, but you may be asking him to understand something that is way too advanced for him. Toddlers/ preschoolers don't have the same understanding of language that adults do. Even if we use words they understand, a long explanation isn't going to mean much to them. Using simple words and short phrases and sentences is a great start.
It also sounds, though, like you are really trying to get him to understand your perspective and needs. That's understandable, but he's not there yet. Try validating his feelings first. When he's mad because he can't have something, saying something like "you're really mad!" and echoing in your tone a little bit of the intensity of emotion he's showing, can help to let him know you understand how he feels. Help him learn to express his feelings verbally and he will be less likely to act out. It also helps to really praise him and give lots of positive attention when he does do what you want.
More than anything, slapping your son is not going to help. You are right that you need to find a more effective way of disciplining. Most areas have parenting classes; they are often free. Try calling 2-1-1 (or googling 2-1-1 and your state); you can get listings for all sorts of community resources, and parenting groups should be listed there. If you're like me and find books helpful, the best book I've read for parenting toddlers is "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. Please, for your and your child's sake, allow yourself to be vulnerable again and seek out some help in person, either through a counselor, a parenting class, or a support group.
garimarga
He does not share his toy's with anyone and instead he takes other kids stuff and shows his ownership over them.
His tone of talking is not good at all when ever he wants his own way.
garimarga
Due to that my temper also goes up and i slap him right away and I insist him to do what I say..and I also shout on him u can say preaching...
garimarga
some time i work on his attitude, i try to be calm, talk about his problem with him listen to him...try to explain him...for the time being he behaves gud and promiss me to behave properly but after again when the situation comes he behaves the same.
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ruth74
First of all, I want to acknowledge how difficult it is to open yourself up and ask for help. Your willingness to look at things differently is really important. I'm going to try to be very gentle in my advice, and I hope it is helpful.
Some of this is normal toddler/ preschooler behavior. Kids that young have emotions rampaging all over the place, and they don't have the social skills or maturity to understand why they can't have something if they want it or to communicate well. Kids also mimic what they see/ hear from others. What does he hear from you and from others? One of the best ways to help kids learn to communicate the way you want them to is to model it. It sounds from what you posted here that you might not be modeling the best skills for him:
It sounds like you are trying to do some good communicating, but you may be asking him to understand something that is way too advanced for him. Toddlers/ preschoolers don't have the same understanding of language that adults do. Even if we use words they understand, a long explanation isn't going to mean much to them. Using simple words and short phrases and sentences is a great start.
It also sounds, though, like you are really trying to get him to understand your perspective and needs. That's understandable, but he's not there yet. Try validating his feelings first. When he's mad because he can't have something, saying something like "you're really mad!" and echoing in your tone a little bit of the intensity of emotion he's showing, can help to let him know you understand how he feels. Help him learn to express his feelings verbally and he will be less likely to act out. It also helps to really praise him and give lots of positive attention when he does do what you want.
More than anything, slapping your son is not going to help. You are right that you need to find a more effective way of disciplining. Most areas have parenting classes; they are often free. Try calling 2-1-1 (or googling 2-1-1 and your state); you can get listings for all sorts of community resources, and parenting groups should be listed there. If you're like me and find books helpful, the best book I've read for parenting toddlers is "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. Please, for your and your child's sake, allow yourself to be vulnerable again and seek out some help in person, either through a counselor, a parenting class, or a support group.
So long as your childs problem is concerned, in my opinion get in touch with Pocket Full o Feelings as it will provide [URL="http://www.pocketfulloffeelings.com/pages/videos"]emotional literacy [/URL]development in kids, which will help your children learn exactly how to deal with the way they feel so that they can have happy, healthy and successful lives.