Kids raised with another religion? International?

I don't have experience raising kids who were initially raised in another religion (my son was a newborn), but I do have friends who do and I do live in an area that has a small (not nearly as small as Tanzania, though) Jewish population. It does take more effort when you are surrounded by people who believe and act differently, and that means you have to be more conscious and planful about raising your kids as Jews. Remember that there is much that we do at home rather than in community that you can share with your children. Some of it, if you have not been very observant, may feel odd to you at first. You could start by really observing Shabbat in whatever way makes sense for your family. In my home, we don't work. I don't use the Orthodox definition of "work", and I will drive my car and cook. I will go out for a meal at a restaurant and pay for it, but I won't shop. We may watch a movie on Friday night or Saturday morning, but I try to stay off the computer. It is our family day, and a day to spend with other people from our "chosen" as well as biological/ legal family. I also started introducing my son to prayer at birth - we (well I, right now, since he's still too little) say the sh'ma every night at bedtime. I daven with a tallit every morning, and sometimes he's awake; as he gets older he will become more aware of that. You may also want to find times to come back to the states for special occasions or experiences; in addition to holidays there are things like an adoptive families camp (check out the faith-based adoptions section) and B'chol Lashon, for Jews of color (both adoptive families and not), which also runs a family camp as well as a regular kids' camp. Maybe you could even engage with a synagogue in your "home" area that would like to keep in touch with you, and might even be able to incorporate your kids in Hebrew school in some way through Skype or other options. My rabbi has been one of the biggest helps in figuring out how to start raising my son as an observant Jew. One of the most important messages I've gotten is that it is what WE do, rather than what we tell kids or what other people around us do, that tells our kids what is important, so if I "do Jewish" my kid is more likely to believe that it is important.ETA: I forgot, there's also a very useful book called Adoption and the Jewish Family that may be helpful to you as well.

That's fantastic, thank you! I will definitely check out the resources you suggested. I'm not usually a pray-er but I like the idea of doing the Sh'ma before bed, that would fit nicely with our family. And I love the idea of keeping Shabbat as a pure family day - I'll discuss that one with my hubby. I definitely want to get into the habit of doing Shabbat dinner with them every week, although it will be new for me. I'm lucky in that my mother is a cantor and we have many very good friends who are rabbis - so I think we have that part of it covered. I'm also really grateful for the information about B'cho lashon, I had never heard of it before! Hopefully in a few years when the adoption is finalized we can bring them to the camp, I think it would be amazing for them to see other Jewish families of color. Thank you for all your advice!

1. Will you complete their adoption in Tanzania? If so, you will probably have a special event to mark their Family Day -- the day they became part of your family. But you will also need another special day or two in your adoption calendar -- celebrating the fact that you are making them part of your JEWISH family. All branches of Judaism practice ritual circumcision of males as part of conversion. When a child to be converted is beyond the newborn period, circumcision needs to take place in a hospital, with general anesthesia. In countries with many Jews, you might find an observant Jew who is both a surgeon AND a mohel (ritual circumcision practitioner), so he can do both the circumcision and the ritual in the hospital where he has privileges. Tanzania almost certainly won't have such a person. However, all is not lost. If you want, and if the hospital near you is safe, you can have your son circumcised non-ritually there. Of course you do have to realize that, if you choose to circumcise, you will probably make him different from most of the other little boys he will meet in Tanzania, since circumcision is not common among African males. While Reform Jews often accept non-ritual circumcisions as valid for conversion, Conservative, Orthodox, and other Jews do not. What they do is, subsequently, have a mohel do a simple ceremony called Hatafat dam Brit (a drop of blood of the Covenant). A tiny drop of blood is drawn from the site of the healed circumcision, and all of the usual Brit Milah the blessings are said. The mohel usually performs the ceremony at the family's home, and a party ensues afterwards. I have read that Chabad, the Orthodox movement, often has young rabbis travel to Tanzania to help expats celebrate Passover and such. You might want to track down a Chabad person and see if any of the rabbis scheduled to come to your country are mohelim. They will probably be willing to do a hatafat dam brit, although they may be concerned about the fact that your husband is not Jewish and that you don't plan to raise your son as non-Orthodox. You can probably convince them that circumcising your son was the first step in the journey you will make with him into your own increasing level of Jewish observance, and that hatafat dam brit shows that you are serious about the ritual, not just in having the boy "look Jewish" down there. If you have a "bris" -- or rather a hatafat dam brit -- at your home, your son will officially receive his Hebrew name, and you will announce it to the invited guests. You can choose to add a naming ceremony for your daughter at the same time, to include her in the big day, although she doesn't need any other ritual. You can find some nice on-line naming ceremonies for girls, and formally announce your daughter's Hebrew name at that time. I'll bet your kids will be proud that they will have THREE sets of names -- their Tanzanian ones, their American ones, and their Jewish ones. Of course, you can go a very non-traditional route and just have a Hebrew naming party, without circumcision in the mix, and make the decision about circumcision later, possibly when you are back in the U.S. And in any case, if your mother can come, she can help you come up with a beautiful naming ceremony -- and a great party, in three traditions. 2. Get to know the other Jews in Tanzania. There may be a few more than you think. You're thinking just about American Jews, but I read, on-line, that there are also Israeli Jews in Tanzania, and that they keep a list of all the Jews they find in the country, so they can help them order matzah for Passover and such. They're the ones who helped get Chabad rabbis to come to town and do Seders. There may also be a few European Jews. It sounds as if you might find a nice diverse group of people, of various levels of observance, if you look hard enough. And you may even find some who are raising young children. See if you can create a new extended family composed of expat Jews to cobble onto your family tree, and your own Jewish life will inevitably become richer. 3. I said the Shema with my Chinese daughter as we sat in our hotel room in Xiamen, the evening I adopted her. She was 18 months old, spoke no English, and was a little shell shocked, but I told her her adoption story, and said the Shema, every night for several years. Sometimes I added the Hebrew last verse of Adon Olam. In translation, it says, "Into Your hand I place my spirit, when I wake and when I sleep. My spirit and my body also. God is with me and I am not afraid." Your mother can show you how to say it in Hebrew, and there are several nice tunes, if you want to sing it. Mornings are a bit too hectic at our house for some nice restful prayers, but there are some prayers that are often said by kids in the morning, such as Modeh Ani. Again, your mother can teach you if you are interested. You can add Jewish things to your home in other ways, too. As a gift at their naming, you might want to give your new daughter a little necklace with her Hebrew name on it, and you might want to give your little boy a "Chai" (the symbol for life) or Jewish Star to wear. There are a lot of on-line vendors, based in Israel and the U.S., that sell Jewish jewelry for kids and adults. You can put a decorated prayer for children in a frame on each of their walls; my daughter is 18 now and she still uses the one I bought for her when she was a baby. There is an American company that makes holiday plaques that are multicultural -- for example, showing a Black or Asian child lighting the menorah. You might buy some plaques that resemble your family. Order some CDS of Israeli music and of songs for Jewish holidays. Buy some Jewish DVDs for children. My daughter loved the Mitzvah Mouse series, which talk about various holidays as celebrated by one human family and by the mice who live in their house. All in all, there are lots of ways to teach your children about Judaism, even if you are not going to synagogue every Shabbat. A Shabbat dinner is always nice, especially if you can find some of the Jewish families to share it with you from time to time. Sharon