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I've been struggling with an angry 12 year old boy over the last few months, well actually since his grandma passes away at the end of November. And he's the youngest bio child who now has a younger sister through adoption. I think he is dealing with grandma's passing, but he has learned a new way of interacting with everyone in the family. The new angry, disrespectful, "I don't care", attitude needs to go. We've tried yelling, grounding, taking away privledges and I feel as though our anger and frustration are feeding his anger and frustration; making for lots of anger and frustration in our home. I've been looking for a good book, or parenting strategy to help us out. About a month ago I found the Parenting Teens with Love and Logic book. I had read through the original book years ago when the boys were little. We've applies these techniques off and on over the years, but I"ve been trying to enhance my skills since finding this book. I've even ordered a couple tape to listen to in the car to and from work. I'm trying to use this strategy more and I think it is starting to make a difference. The agruing has decreased, and I don't have to yell as much. Has anyone else read these or had any interesting experiences applying these techniques?
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Hey there. Wow. Hard, but you can do it. As I read through your post I was looking at all the punitive measures you were using to try and manage your sons behaviour and thinking omg omg! Then you mentioned the book and my heart did a flip...yaaaaaay you are on the right track.
I havent read this book but I am trained in behavioural management. I use behavioural techniques in my work everyday with people with intellectual disabilities, and brought up three gorgeous kids, (now young adults) using behavioural techniques.
It is all about recognizing the positives, and reinforcing them. Attention for positive and appropriate behaviour is one of the most powerful tools I have worked with.
It is a huge thing to try to discuss in a post but please do some research around behavioural techniques...there is so much to learn. It works it works it works!!!
It seems to be human instinct to punish but we need to rise above that ( yes its hard esp when u have had a bad day urself ). If you have any specific questions on a particular behaviour dont hesitate to ask for some hints.
Something else that can also be very reassuring for a child of any age is to read to them. That one on one time is very special. My kids loved it as teenagers. Special times.
Thank you for the advice!! He's getting better at home, but now it's at school. Although, he wrote something for school about his hero. He said that his hero is his mom because she took him in and gave him a home and feeds him every night. And also because she loves him very much, and she his grandparents make him feel better when he is having a bad day. He drew a picture and put me as his mom!!! I bought him some art books and supplies today so that he has something to do since he doesn't get to watch TV as often as he has been. Right now, his nose is buried in one of the art books and had a smile on his face!!! So right now, we are doing great!!! Thank you for asking!
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I can honestly say that this parenting system works! My husband and I have been working really hard to apply the techniques taught in the books. We've even taken a class together. The kids are more responsible and there is much less anger and frustration in our home. For example, we have 5 children so of course there are plenty of household chores that need to be done each day. We have a chore system with a small allowance, but still had troubles getting the kids to do their chores. We used to yell, and argue with the kids over these chores, now we simply say something like, "feel free to join us for supper as soon as your chores are done." And when they tell us we're mean and try to argue over things like this we just say, "that's an interesting way to see it, and/or we love you too much to argue with you." It's not an easy program and it takes some getting used to, but it works. I would suggest a class if you can find one cheap enough. We also listen to the CD's you can get off the website for between $10-$20.