Letting bios know adoption is final

Don't know wish I was there. I will have my uncle tell his daughter, he will continue to be gpa.

I made the mistake of telling my oldest dd's bmom the day of the finalization. We were trying to have an open adoption and I hoped she would be relieved that dd was now settled but her response was definately not what I had hoped for and really ruined our day and made dd really upset in the process.dd was only 3 and a half but it was really upsetting for her after such a special day. Lesson learned with our following adoptions we just kept things to oursleves unless they asked I the situiations where we were also continuing to have contact.

I sent a quick note to my son's bps a little after finalization, just letting them know. For my daughter, they found out because they called DHS a few months after finalization saying Grandma was "ready to adopt" dd. Ugh.

I'm thinking along the lines of a quick email or private message facebook, certainly don't want to do it face to face, or by phone call. Their emotions are theirs, not mine to deal with, especially if anger comes out. So tired of all the stress. Thank you all for the suggestions!

They should get a letter of the adoption and TPR. I just wouldn't say anything unless they brought it up.

I talked to my niece when it became clear it would happen soon. (About 2-3 weeks before we signed papers, court was 2 days after we signed) We were only given 24 hours notice for court for finalization. We gave her a quick private message via FB. When we talked I told her we would be announcing the adoption and posting pics on FB for the first time. She was bowled away by the emotion of it all and all our well-wishers. It hurt her super bad. I can't imagine how difficult it would have been if we had not given her a heads up! :( Not sure if you have an open relationship or not, but wow I was not expecting the strong emotions finalization brought out of my children's mom. She had relinquished 15 months prior so it kinda felt like we were already in an open adoption. One of the very naive mistakes I made. :(

I agree with actually waiting until it's done to tell them. Whatever you do don't tell them what day you are finalizing.We adopted DD on her 1st birthday. The day before BM called and asked for a visit on her birthday. I told her no, we were adopting that day and we wouldn't have time to do a visit. She got very upset and called about 100 times the next day...each time more worked up than the last. It totally ruined my day. I kept trying to pacify and call her down and it only made it worse. My husband finally had to step in and deal with her and take my phone away.

I have no intention of saying anything until it is done on Friday, this is our day. Thinking maybe after the weekend and not even say what day it happened on. I will ask the adoption worker at court if they do indeed notify bios that adoption is final. Thank you all!

if its a relative adoption , does that mean you don't plan to tell anyone in the family prior to finalization? At least in my family, that sort of thing spreads like wild fire. my cousin knew ahead of time in fact, he was invited to finalization.. he did not show up. i didn't expect him to. he was invited so J's brother could be part of the event. I did not tell the non-relative parent until after finalization i explained in email prior to our next visit (we agreed to quarterly, supervised visits)