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Recently I've gotten back in contact with my sister-in-law (birth mom's son's wife) and despite the fact that I have been gone for years, she'll refer to BM as "your mom" in conversation. How can I go about politely correcting her and requesting that she stops doing that? It makes conversations awkward and I find it offensive. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye over the way that things happened, but I don't feel like it's her place to make those calls. :o
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I would simply say "oh you mean....." and insert whatever term you feel comfortable using. Hopefully she will get the hint.
If she doesn't pick up on the cue and you figure it's worth discussing with her....tell her why the other term "fits" better with you. It's tough to tell but I think people who aren't adopted have no idea about the significance of what they say in reference to these things.
I don't think people "get" how intrusive it is to imply a relationship that may overshadow an existing one for us.
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[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]i think the biggest challenge in this situation is that she doesn't really view my reality (ie adoption) as valid. despite knowing things that went on, she still feels like my mom and dad aren't really my parents because i was an older adoptee. it's frustrating.[/FONT]